This is100% NOT the Short Paper I Am "Writing"

But everyone seemed so convinced that I would take it, and I don't want to disappoint. I will try to make it interesting.

A Better Survey Than The Ones Above And Below - for girls and gay guys
Basics
What do you prefer to be called?:	Darling.
When were you born and where?:	I'm afraid I don't recall.
Where do you currently reside?:	Any one of a number of libraries at Harvard University.
Getting to know you
What could you eat for the rest of your life?:	Breyer's mint chocolate chip ice cream. And puppies. (Apparently this is going to be one of those liberally untrue surveys).
Where is your favorite place to visit locally?:	I am partial to the tunnel between the really big library and its auxiliary.
What is your favorite place to visit for a vacation?:	It's nice to get out of the library and take a stroll across the yard. I should capitalize yard to clarify things, but suddenly that seemed prententious. The problem with going to Harvard is that you become hyper-vigilant about seeming pretentious, and that in itself may in fact be a form of pretense.
What is your preference: AIM, MSN, Yahoo!, etc.?:	Telepathy. It's really the only way to whisper sweet nothings to world leaders in diplomatic meetings and watch their ears turn red.
If you could magically appear in full costume in a movie, which would it be:	I would like to appear in full costume for Elizabeth, but in something totally different... like Brokeback Mountain, maybe. Or vice versa.
Which role would you play?:	The star. Or the crazy old lady.
What is your favorite accessory?:	I am always fond of my Bryn Mawr ring, and currently charmed by a new little snake.
What is your dream career?:	Telepathic Mischief Maker Laureate.
Which country would you live in if you had the choice?:	Narnia
Do you believe in the Loch Ness Monster?:	Believe in it, sure. Believe it, not after Valentine's Day 1997.
How about ouija boards?:	I like my ghosts like I like my liquor: I don't have anything to use as a punchline, so just pretend.
Which would you rather be stuck in?
Winter blizzard or summer heat/humidity?:	Blizzard, provided no threat to life and limb. I always feel the need to put these caveats. As though some sinister force is waiting to trip me up based on a casual omission of stipulation.
Hurricane or Earthquake?:	Good God, I'm taking a class on Katrina. EARTHQUAKE. Same stipulations apply as above.
An opera or a football game?:	Opera!
A closet or an elevator?:	A closet? Unless I was in the elevator with someone interesting. Like those questions where you have to pick famous people you want to have dinner with. Pick three people, alive or dead, that you would like to be stuck in an elevator with. Or a closet, I guess, but why would you be stuck in a closet? I guess if it were full of people and you couldn't reach the door handle. And maybe if one of the people was malicious and incredibly strong! Choose wisely when you pack your closet, everyone.
a railroad track with an oncoming train or hanging from a carnival ride?:	Hanging from a ride, but only with Noah from Into the Dream.
A fight between friends or a room filled with scary spiders?:	I'm usually fine with spiders.
Randoms
Who are you jealous of and for what reason?:	You, you sexy brilliant thing.
which type of salad dressing do you prefer?:	French. Especially the Catalina/Country French sort. Bleu Cheese. Especially crumbly.
Can you eat with chopsticks?:	I can also terrorize small insects with them. But I don't hurt them. I like small insects.
...Are you addicted to myspace? Tell the truth.:	In precisely the same way that I am addicted to heroin.
In the Opposite sex (or same if you are gay)
What is your favorite eye color?:	Aubergine.
What is the first thing you notice when you are attracted to him?:	Genital area.
Do you like light, sparkling hair or smooth, dark hair?:	Dark sparkling hair. Like if champagne were made with bourbon.
Any preferred height?:	Nope.
What is one thing he could say that would make you melt?:	I'm not going to write that here. Particularly if poised with a tattoo needle and reading steamy poetry.
What is the most romantic scenerio you can think of?:	Sex under the table in the aforementioned diplomatic meeting, while transmitting crucial moments to the world leaders with their faces substituted for ours.
Do you need a ring, if he were to propose?:	I would rather that not be done over the phone.
Are you crushing on anyone in particular?:	Yes to the spirit, but I feel that "crushing on" is a silly phrase. Just my $0.02.
If not, who is the closest thing to *drool* you can think of?:	Now the phraseology is getting so silly that I refuse to play. Is that pretentious? Alas, I think so.
Fashion expression
What is your favorite color to wear?:	Red? But I wear other colors more. I don't know. Puce.
Is there an article of clothing you wear every day?:	There's an article of clothing I wear NO days. Many, in fact.
What brings out the color of your eyes?:	I guess brown things. And maybe olive. Sometimes black. So if I had a gown made of grass and dried leaves and tree bark and the spaces between stars.
Are your nails painted? If so, what color?:	My nails are actually painted on. It's a swell party trick to peel them right off again. Not for the faint of heart.
What would you call your style?:	Jarvis Erik W.
What is your frequent shop? (department store):	What is my frequent shop??
Is your hair short or long?:	Kinda medium in need of cut.
Is it your natural color?:	No, and I'll never tell you what that is. Not unless you call me darling under the table at a diplomatic conference.
Do you prefer to be tan or pale?:	A gentleman never tells.
Friends
Do you get very personal with your friends?:	Very.
Are you friends with two or more different 'groups'?:	At the same time? I'm not that kind of girl.
Who is most simliar to you?:	Huh...my first instinct is Becky, because we spend so much time together that we've rubbed off. (I'm going to keep Rachel's answer for this one, because I think it is very apt.)
Who is most opposite?:	Huh...my first instinct is Becky, because we spend so much time together that we've rubbed off, and bits of us keep sort of floating ito this central vortex between us, and drifting away, thus creating an ever-increasing number of differences.
Who do you suppose will take this survey after you?:	Good God, you think I am so preoccupied with jealousy to think about that sort of thing in the act of taking it? Well... you're not wrong. It will probably be this handsome fellow across the way from me, damn his non-aubergine survey-stealing eyes.
Finale
What time is it?:	TIME TO WRITE MY PAPER. I'm hungry. This was not a smart idea. I hope you liked it anyway.

Time for A Game

So, today I had a conversation with someone I don't know who reads this blog, and it made me think about how many people could actually be reading this... and about blogs I read without revealing myself... etc. So, I decided to play a little game, called "make your own survey." And, if you are reading this, you are ABSOLUTELY obligated to take the survey, or forever eschew my blog. However, you are allowed to lie outrageously if you don't want to reveal something. You may not lie pettily, only outrageously. Those are all the rules.

Also, if we have not specifically spoken, thank you for reading, and welcome to my blog.

1. What is your name?

2. How old are you?

3. Do you know me from Adam?

4. How can you tell the difference between me and Adam?

5. If you could truthfully change your answer to 1, 2, or 3, which would you pick and what would you like to change it to?

6. Name three people that you love, just the first that come to mind:

7. Now three more:

8. Who didn't you list that you should have? Is there anyone you'd like to, but can't? Say something cryptic about them.

9. Name one thing that fascinates you about each of these people.

10. And something that irritates you...

11. Name three people you really dislike:

12. Anybody you'd like to name that you can't mention publicly? Say something cryptic about them.

13. Tell me something you admire about each of the dislike people. Yes, you have to. Why doesn't that override the dislike?

14. What is your favorite color? Do you know why?

15. What is something about yourself that you secretly think is pretty sexy?

16. What is something about yourself that you secretly worry is pretty repulsive?

17. What is something about me that you secretly think is pretty sexy? Or at least attractive? ;)

18. I'm not gonna ask the opposite. Instead, tell me a memory you have involving music.

19. Imagine yourself married. Do you see someone you know as your spouse, or someone imaginary? Do you like this fantasy? Does it discomfort you?

20. Tell me a story about a time when you were truly frightened.

21. What's something you wish you knew how to do, but don't?

22. What are you most likely to be famous for?

23. What do you think influences your daily life the most: your parents' financial situation or their relationship to each other?

24. Do you have a religious or spiritual outlook? Where did you get it? What about it do you think is particularly engaging?

25. Do you like to dance? When did you last dance?

26. Who is the first person you remember being sexually attracted to?

27. Describe the last person that caught your eye in a crowd (in a good way).

28. Describe the last person that caught your eye in a crowd (in a bad way).

29. How do you feel when faced with a homeless person soliciting money? What is your emotional reaction? What thoughts go through your head?

30. Are these questions difficult? What would you like to ask me in retaliation?

31. If you were going to name your child after a literary character, who would it be and why?

32. What's the last book you read? What did you think of it?

33. What is your favorite fruit?

34. Tell me a story about one of your cousins.

35. Who is a person you still wince when you think about? It can be for any reason.

36. Is there anything that is consistently irresistable to you? Can you imagine a situation in which you would not find this attractive?

37. Tell me a secret. It can be a current one, or an old one, but at some point the secretiveness of this should have mattered to you.

38. If you could erase one of your own memories, would you? Why or why not?

39. What about one of somebody else's?

40. Describe a beautiful landscape that you have seen. Or a beautiful sky.

41. Do you like eggs?

42. How many of your answers were true?

Not It!

Yeah, I'm bored with surveys about me, and I bet you are too. So this one isn't, in a slightly more deliberate way than Cain on a Fucking Stick. If you get it, good for you, but don't post it and ruin the fun for everybody. Be cryptic! You can tell me, though. It's either obvious or hard, and as usual, I have no idea. You-- things people would probably care to know(65)
-|You, basically|-
Birthday?:	Irrelevant
Birthplace?:	Unknown
Heritage?:	There is a happy land, far far away...
Weight?:	I'm pretty skinny, but there's more to me than you'd think.
Hair color? Hairstyle?:	Currently, blond and longish.
Eye color?:	Currently, green and brightish.
School level, or if done, career?:	I'm a prince!
Piercings? Tattoos? Want any?:	It seems a bit irrelevant. Or... disingenuous, maybe.
Describe your personality:	Scintillating.
-|Favorites|-
Color?:	I like tawny colors. And regal colors. And piercing colors. And black. And white, sometimes.
Animal?:	Lion. I like things a little rough-and-regal.
Music genre?:	Classical. And that sort of disco-pop stuff. And really hard and wrenching music, too.
Movie genre?:	Tragic and long, with men and women in pretty clothes. Or just tragic. Or a musical.
Game(if you swing that way)?:	I don't. But I'd have to say I'm one who likes a gamble.
Store?:	Um... here's a surprise... I like hunting/fishing/camping stores. You know, with lots of guns on the walls and army vests and lumbering men who smell like rubber and pine.
Sport?:	Self-delusion. Also ice-dancing, and wrestling, especially if it involves thighs going out of joint.
Food? Drink?:	Oh, mother, must I? Wait... no.
Season? Holiday?:	I like them all, but perhaps winter's my favorite. And holiday... Easter, really. Really. I know, I'm a piece of work.
Website?:	divineinterventions.com
Place you�ve been to?:	Ambivalent about so many. Fond of the desert. Also Ireland. And India, though sometimes I get overwhelmed there.
Past-time(hobby)?:	What a charming misspelling. Perhaps playing various stringed instruments.
-|Love/Relationships|-
Names of your best friend(s):	They know who they are.
Think you�re a good friend? Why do you think they like you?:	Because I'm charming and occasionally fierce with my love? I think I'm taxing to have as a friend, but also fascinating.
Get along with your parents, the rest of your family?:	Oh. No.
Taken? If yes, what�s their name?:	I call him Mr. Wonderful.
Single? If yes, do you have a crush and if yes, what�s their name?:	I'm singular, not single.
Why do you like them?:	Because he's fucking beautiful. Because I am what I am, and so, more obviously, is he.
Your perfect date?:	I'm not picky. Storytelling, a little music, a little emotional connection, sex that lasts for days...
-|Randoms|-
[Have any] Siblings? Pets?:	Yeah, and that isn't the most healthy part of my life, actually.
Goals you'd like to achieve?:	I dislike this question.
Phobias?:	No.
Special talents or skills?:	This makes me smile.
Guilty pleasures?:	You could say that.
Bad habits?:	Indeed.
Disorders? Other problems?:	In spades.
Relatives that are famous?:	Again, in spades.
[What's] something most people don't know about you?:	I'm very sensitive. It's not convenient.
Your most prized possessions?:	I like my ornaments.
Your style/favorite clothing style?:	There's very little I can't pull off. But let's say old fashioned, or very slutty.
Happiest moment?:	There was this thing with an egg... Jesus fucking Christ.
[What] do you want to do for a career?:	Oh, I don't know, maybe go into politics or something.
(you)Body part or feature do you hate the most? Love?:	Let's just go with the scars. That sounds like I'm some battered teenager overly in love with suffering... ah, wait.
Word or phrase you often say?:	I feel I ought to be more aware of this. What I say, I mean.
Pisses you off or annoys you to no end?:	Prancing M with his blocky ass and his skirts and his foot on my head.
Have you �always wanted to do?�:	I have.
Country would you like to visit most?:	Aslan's country. But really, I don't know.
Would your personal shirt saying be?:	Fucking angel?
[Have you] technically broken the law, but never paid for it(or did)?:	Yes, and did.
Learned another language? Any other(s) you want to learn?:	I'm a polyglot.
Regreted anything?:	Yes. But not always what you'd think.
-|Opinions|-
Abortion?:	It seems futile, to me, somehow. But I think I have an odd perspective.
War?:	It always seems like a good idea at the time. I like the way war breaks bodies, but I hate what it does to souls.
Gay marriage?:	Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments.
Death penalty?:	Too often used against the love of your life.
Alcohol/drugs?:	I hate being numb.
Racism?:	I can't hate racists. They suffer from reflections, and they don't even know they are suffering.
Religion?:	That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight.
Plastic surgery?:	How could I condemn it? I'm as smooth as a baby's bottom, most of the time.
Animal testing/abuse?:	You have to flick this switch inside of yourself, and then it becomes startlingly easy. Sort of like any abuse, really. Don't believe me? Have a care, in that case.
Suicide?:	The whole concept of suicide being damnable is perhaps the worst catch-22 I've ever come across. Barring one.
Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

Five Questions (Each) for Julia and Katie

Ok, since at this point you would have to go into the archives to find the original post upon which these questions were supposed to be left as comments, I decided to make things a bit easier for you.

Five Questions for Julia:

1. Pet camel or pet mongoose? Why?

2. If you could have a year of romance (in the relational sense or not) and adventure, with absolutely no financial considerations, no responsibilities, and no worries about the rest of your life, what would you do during that year?

3. King Moonracer has summoned you to the Island of Misfit Toys, to help find homes for all the misfits. Your first assignment includes a ferocious stuffed lamb and a pogo stick that burrows into the ground instead of bouncing. They have requested to be placed togethter. Describe the ideal home environment you would find for these two, and the child or children who would love them.

4. You never really liked your friend's significant other, and at some point you find out that s/he is cheating on your friend. Do you tell your friend? Does it change if you were friends with both of them, and in fact like them both? What if the significant other has since died? What if you know your friend has been unfaithful in the past?

5. Is there anything you have firmly believed for as long as you can remember for which there is no tangible proof? Anything you used to believe but now don't? How about a belief that came rather late, but which you hold to firmly now? (The questions sound basically religious, and they can be if you want... but it could also be something completely secular which still cannot be absolutely proven.)

Ok, good. And now... Five Questions for Katie:

1. What is one dream/goal/vision of the future that you have almost always had, no matter how much it has been altered? Anything, no matter how big or small, that you feel most certain about as a desire for your life? If you want, you can describe the ways it has changed, as well as what has stayed the same about it. Also, is there anything you once wanted that now seems rather alien to you? Or at least unlikely? If you could suddenly have that old thing, would you still want it? Wow, that's like 10 questions in one. More bang for your buck!

2. If you could have one mythical creature as a pet/companion, what would you choose, and why? What do you imagine doing with it? Where did you first hear about said class of creatures?

3. If you could choose to remember everything about being born, would you? What do you think it would be like? Is there some other very early experience that you would prefer to remember?

4. If you were given one year to study anything in the world, with all the resources necessary to do so, what would you pick and why? It doesn't have to be anything you have previous training in, though of course it can be.

5. So, in the next month or so, you meet a wonderful, interesting, handsome, and intelligent man, and start to date him. The relationship develops very quickly, and your connection is stronger than you would have thought possible for such a short time. As you make your plans for next year, he reveals to you that he is about to embark on a journey to... Africa, maybe, for humanitarian work, or Antarctica to study the environment, or maybe Siberia to do some work on the railroad. In any case, it is pertinent to a long-standing dream of his, for motives that you respect, but it is not something you personally have any desire to do, although it does sound like an interesting adventure. (Disregard the examples if you have a desire to do them.) And it is very far away, in a completely foreign situation. You see a strong possibility for a long term future with this man, but in other circumstances, you would probably continue dating him for a bit longer before making a firm commitment. But... he asks you to go with him. Would you? Why or why not? What if he asked you to marry him, and go as his wife? Would that make you more or less likely to go? What would keep you here, if you wouldn't go? What if you were pregnant with his child? Are there any places you absolutely would not ever go with him, no matter what the circumstances were?

Five Questions From Maddie

1) Those governmental schmucks! They have decided that all books that should be writtern are written. They only way to write anything new is to rewrite old books with new twist. The characters must stay in character and you can't really change genres. That being said, what classic book would you rewrite?

Do you have any idea how hard this was for me? First, I thought of classic novels that I love too much to fuck around with... for example, what am I going to do? Have Gene and Phinny hooking up in a Separate Peace? Get Hester Prynne and Rev. Dimmesdale back together? Perish the thought! Most masterpieces should be left the hell alone, thank you very much. But then I started thinking about books I didn't like... for example, the Mayor of Casterbridge. I disliked it so much, in fact, that I remember hardly anything about it... except some crap about a birdcage that I think I wrote an essay on. So obviously rewriting works I don't like will only cause frustration and mediocre investment. What is this hapless, governmentally hampered authoress to do? Other than publish original works on the literary black market, which I assume you anticipated. But then, I started thinking outside the box. And I realized I would quite like to rewrite something like Ovid's Metamorphoses, with all those weird and tantalizing tales that could be done really nicely in a modern or at least slightly altered context... and of course I would like to rewrite the Morte D'Arthur, as people do all the time... and now I have realized what my calling must be in this new writerly environment. Clearly, I will rewrite the Bible! It will stay an epic, and I'll even keep each of the books in their genres: poetry, history, epistles, etc. As for the character development, you'll have to trust me on this one. Also, expect lots of exciting and wonderful twists. This should be ready for reading... hmmm... maybe around your 43rd birthday.

2) It was decided, although new books cannot be written, new plays can be, except you can only use character traits from specifically assigned characters. In your case, it's all the characters you have ever played. How would you combine their traits to make a new exciting character? You don't have to use all of them but you need at least 3. Bonus points for more than 3.

First, I am trying to make a list of every character I have ever played, though I'm sure I am missing some.

Bunny (via a puppet, in a fable about the cheese-stealing fox, Kindergarten, primary trait: desired cheese)
Solo Caroler (in A Christmas Carol at Onondaga Central High School, 1st grade, primary trait: liked to sing about Christmas)
Really Rosie (in Really Rosie at Rockwell Elementary School, 2nd grade, primary traits: showy, charasmatic, an excellent story teller)
A Box or Bowl of Oatmeal (in Really Rosie at Rockwell Elementary School, 2nd grade, primary traits: warm and thick)
Dolly (in Onions in the Stew at Onondaga Central High School, 3rd grade, primary traits: fought with her brother, loved her doll, was quite loud. I remember that the first Gulf War started during this play, while we were getting ready in the Home Ec. room. Also how old the high schoolers seemed)
Cinderella (in Cinderella, 4th or 5th grade, primary trait: knew how to waltz)
Bunny (via a mask, in The Magic Flute,sometime in elementary school... this was just for a little scene or rehearsal or something, but it's one of the only times I missed my cue to go on. I was sad. But the mask was beautiful. Primary trait: concern that Papageno see Papagena.)
Leslie something-or-other (in a play written by my acting teacher, Val, sometime in elementary school, primary trait: loved chamomile tea. Also had a "communicating conscience" which spoke to her.)
Danielle the Dandelion Fairy (in a play about Wanderlust Wonderful Forest, also by Val, also sometime in elementary school, primary trait: struggled with an addiction to the soporific juice or dust or something found in the dandelion)
Mary (in a monologue done in the same acting class, sometime in elementary school, primary trait: was irritated by her perpetually following lamb. I had this stuffed lamb that I dressed up in a little sweater and cap and gave it a lunch box and everything... it was kind of fantastic)
Evilena (or something like that... one of three witches in another play about the Wanderlust Wonderful Forest, a musical actually. By Val and this other woman Muriel, who wrote the songs. I found out later that Muriel wrote this "head witch" part for me, and was mad when Val switched it around on her. Primary traits: evil and witchy)
Dentist on Vacation (at Pyramid Lake, a camp families from my church went to, as part of our first skit, which I wrote... sometime in elementary school. Primary trait: obsessed with fixing teeth.)
Jan (in selections from Grease at Onondaga Community College's Broadway in Syracuse class, part of their College for Kids program, sometime in elementary school, primary trait: loved to eat)
Billy (in selections from Anything Goes at Onondaga Community College's Broadway in Syracuse class, part of their College for Kids program, feminized just for me, sometime in elementary school, primary trait: thought that friendship was the perfect blendship)
Princess (in The King and I at Salt City Playhouse, 5th grade, primary traits: sweet, liked to give surprises, fun)
Molly (in Annie at Henniger High School, 6th grade, primary traits: orphaned, small, a bit mischievious, said "Oh my goodness" constantly)
Marcie (in You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown at Onondaga Hill Middle School, 6th grade, primary traits: smart, bookish, loyal, odd, confused about the gender of others)
Red Bus Driver (in The Red Bus at Pyramid Lake, sometime in middle school I think, primary trait: frustrated with her passengers)
Princess (in The King and I at Henniger High School, 7th grade (I think), primary traits: a more generic princess than the last; I don't really recall...)
Sharon (in Let's Rock at Onondaga Hill Middle School, 8th grade, officially the Stupidest Play Ever, primary trait: angry that her boyfriend would not wear socks to the sock-hop.)
Anne Frank (in a monologue, for our Off-Broadway Showcase after the Beginnings Acting Workshop... I still remember the room we waited in to go on. I was so nervous. Primary trait: Hope and faith in human beings despite very bad circumstances.)
Cookie Cusack (in Rumors at Westhill High School, 9th grade, primary trait: Crazy Old Lady, of course. The first of many)
Reporter #3/Adult (in Bye Bye Birdie at Westhill High School, 9th grade, primary traits: nosy, and worried about the state of modern youth).
Random Disciple (in Godspell at Westhill High School, 10th grade, primary trait: sincerity, as I recall Spado saying that he needed someone sincere to do such and such a line, and then he picked me. Doesn't make him any less of a sleazy favoritist, though.)
Coriolanus (for the Shakespeare Competition at Westhill High School, 10th grade, primary trait: pissed off and aristocratic. My first foray into the world of male Shakespearean roles... I mistakenly assumed it would be my one chance to play the boys. And I won 2nd place.)
Belinda Cratchit (in A Christmas Carol at Westhill High School, 11th grade, primary trait: Got picked up and carried offstage by the most desired boy in the school. I didn't especially desire him, but how I loved the idea of making all those girls jealous. Also, speaking of sleazy favoritism...)
The Yellow Brick Road (in The Wiz at Westhill High School, 11th grade, primary trait: Encouraged people in song to ease on down me.)
Richard III (for the Shakespeare Competition at Westhill High School, 11th grade, primary traits: terrified and haunted. And I won 2nd place.)
Bernice Roth (in The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940 at Westhill High School, 12th grade, primary traits: drunk, nervous, inspired... another Crazy Old Lady.)
Mrs. Evangeline Harcourt (in Anything Goes at Westhill High School, 12th grade, primary traits: Social climber, wants MONEY, loves her dog, her jewels, and her daughter... probably in that order, irritating squeaky voice. Crazy Old Lady.)
Cleopatra (for the Shakespeare Competition at Westhill High School, 12th grade, primary traits: loved Antony. I memorized it immediately before doing it... and I did not win at all. Clearly I should stick with the boys. And actually memorize my parts.)
Jack's Mom (in Into the Woods at Bryn Mawr College, freshman year, primary traits: Worried about money, loves her son, practical, brave. Crazy Old Lady... the end of an era.)
The Voice (in Sonnets at Bryn Mawr College, freshman year, primary traits: Sang. And did not get laid.)
Lynnette ( in Anything for You at Bryn Mawr College, sophomore year, primary traits: desperate to have an affair. With her best friend, Gail. Who is secretly in love with her.)
Bill, maybe? (in All in the Timing at Bryn Mawr College, sophomore year, primary trait: his timing was off.)
Feste (in Twelfth Night at Bryn Mawr College, sophomore year, primary traits: clever and cunning and perceptive and funny and liked to sing and destroy plantlife with his friends)
Antipholus of Syracuse (in Comedy of Errors at Bryn Mawr College, junior year, primary traits: confused and generally honorable and desirous to avoid Satan.)
Wife and Cain (in Love's Fire at Bryn Mawr College, senior year, primary traits (of Wife): furious and heartbroken and wanting to undo things, including her blouse... (of Cain): yelling and killing.
Borachio (in Much Ado About Nothing at Bryn Mawr College, senior year, primary traits: crafty and coarse and lusty... but not really a bad guy for all that)
V (in Production Values with Uncut Pages, summer after senior year, primary traits: wonders what the fuck you are doing on her stage!)
Professor Dilexi (in Professor Dilexi Presents Dramatis Personae of the Apocryphal Menagerie, last summer, primary traits: sees the map, the pattern, the choices, incredibly sadistic, lonely and creepy, eschews physical contact)

Phew! I'm sure I missed something, but there they are. Now, to make a new character...

Brenda Susan Carl Richard Rodney Brian Beryl Orville Devon Caroline Britney Louise David Dominick Franchesca Melvin Edgar Daniel Veronica Jackie Bertram Pollyanna Mork Martin Rivka Bobby Delores Petra Sally Algernon Florence Carter Connie Rasputin Albert Rosalie Dirk Calvin Bonnie Cedric Yusef Brigid Reba Ronald Betsy Roman Evelyn Hector Collin Jim Moses Veronica Libby Beatrice Fabian Allison Oscar Severus Walter Cristina Bertha Victor Patsy Digglesworth: A lonely hermaphroditic orphan who becomes addicted to sleeping pills after his/her brother dies tragically (this tragic death occuring after they have fought over a doll, which young Brenda Susan Carl etc. had been examining in order to figure out the mystery of her/his own genitalia. S/he naturally feels confused about the doll, and also the gender of other people in general, but has become convinced that if she can figure out the doll, this confusion will be relieved, and therefore is willing to fight her brother for it. Unfortunately, the brother falls down the stairs while tugging on the doll, and breaks his neck). S/he screams "Undo this!" when she finds that nothing can be done to save him and tears off her shirt. In a mad fit of guilt and confusion, the heartbroken Brenda Susan Carl etc. takes to running around with a bad crowd (when s/he isn't sleeping) and this group of people encourages her/him to destroy plantlife. S/he becomes known as "The Cornfield Monster," but the police are not able to discover his/her identity for some time. During this interval s/he begins to hallucinate as a result of overdoing the sleeping pills, and for awhile is convinced that a lamb is following her everywhere she goes. As yet another side effect of her/his addiction, Brenda Sue Carl etc. begins to crave cheese excessively, eventually yelling at people to give up their cheese. S/he jumps up on the stage at his/her high school and is carried off by the most popular, desired boy in school, making him even more popular and desired. Because s/he has become so loud and ostentatious, s/he is captured by the police. Because they cannot classify his/her gender, they do not know which prison to send him/her to, and therefore opt for house arrest. It is worth noting that her/his growth has been stunted by all the sleeping pills (called "Essence of Dandelion" in genteel circles), and therefore s/he is quite small. In severe withdrawal from Essence of Dandelion, Brenda Sue Carl etc. develops a fixation on chamomile tea, and refuses to drink anything else. During this withdrawal stage, s/he begins to experience visions of her/his brother, which leave her shaken and terrified. In a desperate attempt to connect with somebody, s/he signs up for a prisoner letter exchange program with a woman named Gail, who quickly becomes Brenda Sue Carl etc.'s best and only friend. Brenda Sue Carl etc. is quite sincere with Gail, experiencing a genuine love for another human being for the first time since her brother's death. S/he begins to fantasize about sleeping with Gail, and is overjoyed with Gail confesses her love for Brenda Sue Carl etc. However, when s/he reveals that s/he is a hermphrodite, the letters abruptly stop. While still hoping that Gail will write back, Brenda Sue Carl etc. distracts herself by watching a video version of The Magic Flute, and channels his/her romantic and sexual frustrations into an obsessive, nervous concern over whether Papageno will in fact see Papagena. After some time, Brenda Sue Carl etc. writes another, more plaintive letter to Gail, and Gail replies that she is not comfortable ever communicating with Brenda Sue Carl again. Brenda Sue Carl etc. is completely devastated, and also decides that s/he will never get laid. Around this time, Brenda Sue Carl etc.'s sentence is up, and s/he is released into the world. Overwhelmed, s/he goes to a bar and gets drunk. While under the influence, s/he is inspired to sing, and the other patrons of the bar notice that her/his voice is quite mellifluous, the perfect blend of male and female sound. Thus, Brenda Sue Carl etc. embarks on a singing career. At first, s/he sings mostly Christmas carols and selections from The Magic Flute, but eventually s/he realizes that her/his voice can be used as a tool of seduction, and begins to encourage people to "ease on down his/her road," and see what they find. S/he develops a charasmatic and showy stage persona, telling wonderful stories in song. To Brenda Sue Carl etc.'s delight, s/he realizes there are some circles in which what she considered a sexual deformity is actually an exciting advantage! S/he embarks on a new life full of music and lust, though she is plagued by financial problems, and worries about money a good deal. At last, s/he finds a sugar daddy named Antony, a middle-aged, social-climbing playboy who thinks he has seen all the world has to offer. Antony is enamored of Brenda Sue Carl etc. because in his/her very flesh s/he proves this maxim false. He takes care of Brenda Sue Carl, showering her/him with jewels and gifts in exchange for sexual pleasure and experimentation. At first, Brenda Sue Carl etc. remains very practical in this relationship, liking the money and the relative luxury, and living the life of an aristocrat. S/he buys a little dog and lavishes her/his affections on the animal, carefully avoiding any human entanglements beyond the merely physical. Antony decides to teach him/her to waltz, and when Brenda Sue Carl etc. says s/he doesn't know whether to lead or follow, Antony whispers, "I don't care as long as you are in my arms." It is in that moment that Brenda Sue Carl etc. realizes s/he is in love with Antony, even more deeply than s/he was with Gail, since this of course is a much more real and reciprocal relationship. Brenda Sue Carl etc. begins to blossom in this relationship. She starts to enjoy eating, and finds that she is gaining a bit of weight and growing warm and perceptive and funny and clever and sweet, at least in her private interactions with Antony. Antony and Brenda Sue Carl etc. build a life together full of music and sex and dancing, and their most serious quarrel occurs when the fastidious Antony insists on wearing his shoes to a sock hop they attend together. Other than that, life is finally good for the hapless Brenda Sue Carl etc. S/he is faithful to Antony for almost ten years, and eventually they adopt two children together, a boy, Carl Antony, and a girl, Sue Brenda, and they both love them very much.. One day, Carl Antony brings home a friend, who happens to catch a glimpse of Brenda Sue Carl in the nude. The friend finds her/him creepy, and spreads rumors about her all over the upper class community they live in. Antony is humiliated, and finds the social and business prestige he is accustomed to enjoying trickling away from him. Bravely, Brenda Sue Carl etc. volunteers to come out as a generally honorable hermaphrodite in front of the entire community, and proclaim her deep love and loyalty to Antony and her family, but Antony is horrified and begs her not to do that. Though his embarrassment hurts her, Brenda Sue Carl etc. develops a crafty, cunning plan to discredit the gossipy child. She finds an old contact and procures some Essence of Dandelion, and, when Carl Antony has several friends over for his birthday party, takes the opportunity to plant it rather conspicuously in the boy's belongings. The boy is caught and discredited, but the police investigation leads back to Brenda Sue Carl etc.'s shady past. When interviewed by the police, Antony panics and claims that Brenda Sue Carl etc. seduced him without first revealing that s/he was a hermaphrodite, and has been blackmailing him with this secret for years. When Brenda Sue Carl etc. asks him why he has betrayed her/him in this way, Antony only says, "You have the most horrible timing to be outed as a hermaphrodite, muffin. I'm up for membership in the Amazing Antelope Club this year." While the police do not believe Antony's story, and in fact give Brenda Sue Carl etc. only a minor fine for dealing with the Essence of Dandelion again, Brenda Sue Carl etc. is furious and completely destroyed by this allegation, and turns to witchcraft and black magic to regain some sense of personal power, dabbling in the forces of evil. S/he stays with Antony, but becomes embroiled in a series of increasingly risky and sadistic affairs, toturing his/her lovers physically and emotionally to punish by proxy the man s/he still adores. One night, drunk on evil power and wine and the aftermath of heavily sadistic sex, Brenda Sue Carl etc. accidentally conjures up a demon, who possesses her, and prompts her to kill and eat her little dog. This is the wake up call that Brenda Sue Carl etc. so desperately needs. Traumatized, s/he begins to avoid Satan and, terrified that she will spiral back into sadism, eschews all physical contact for some time. S/he leaves Antony and starts driving a bus for a living, putting up with the annoying customers and eventually moving into a small house and, discovering a long latent skill at academics, trains to become a dentist. For awhile, Brenda Sue Carl etc. channels her/his anxieties, guilt, and memories into a constant obsession with fixing teeth, and this, combined with his/her natural intelligence, enables him/her to graduate quickly, at the head of his/her class. S/he opens a dental practice and begins to work. Though s/he becomes adept at normal, nosy gossip, and wonders with the best of them about "kids today," etc., s/he still never touches anyone unless s/he is fixing their teeth, even in a casual, friendly way. Every day s/he strives to be more generic and forgettable than s/he was the day before. Also, in an effort to pass for female and avoid further humiliation, s/he begins to speak in an irritating, squeaky voice. S/he is extremely reticent with her/his language, and never says anything stronger than "Oh my goodness," because she truly does not wish to attract Satan's attention anymore. This causes people to think that s/he is in fact a Crazy Old Lady, and not a hermaphrodite, but neither of these traits helps to create a comfortable social environment for Brenda Sue Carl etc., and s/he grows slowly more and more depressed. One night, after watching The Magic Flute six times and crying her/himself to sleep, Brenda Sue Carl etc. wakes with a sudden, strong craving for chamomile tea. S/he goes to the kitchen to find some, and is immediately confronted by a vision of her brother! "Brenda Sue Carl etc.," the vision says, "I am your communicating conscience. I have taken the form of your dead brother because you loved him so much, and he would want you to be happy. You are not to blame for the terrible things that have happened in your life. Please touch people again. Please have lots of good, mutually loving sex. You should also join an acting troupe." Puzzled but full of joy at this message, Brenda Sue Carl etc. joins a community theater group, and finds that her/his old love of performing returns almost at once. S/he tentatively begins to make friends, confessing her/his identity almost as a challenge to them, and, after her/his first show, is even inspired to hug some of them. Suddenly, Brenda Sue Carl etc. realizes that friendship really is the perfect blendship, and invests her/himself more fully in these new relationships. Her/his personality is recovered, and s/he gains a reputation for being fun, mischeivious and full of surprises both at work in the dental office and on the stage. One night, during a performace of "The Littlest Christmas Angel," Brenda Sue Carl etc. catches a glimpse of Carl Antony and Sue Brenda in the audience, and for a moment is paralyzed with shock and joy, then tries to perform her/his best for them. After curtain call, s/he hopes that they will come up to speak with her, but instead Antony himself jumps out from a shadowy corner where he has been hiding and leaps onto the stage. "My darling Brenda Sue Carl etc.!" he exclaims. "I have been so wrong! Please, come back to me." Brenda Sue Carl etc. promptly screams, "What the fuck are you doing on my stage?" breaking the last of her mental enslavement to Antony, and eventually s/he is given visitation rights with the children. Finally, in a dream come true, Brenda Sue Carl etc. is cast in The Magic Flute, as Papageno. The identity of Papagena remains mysterious, however, until the final week of rehearsals. The director will only say that a very special singer is preparing the role out of town, and will come and join them at the last minute. When Brenda Sue Carl etc. finally meets Papagena, she is introduced as Gail Williamson, and Brenda Sue Carl etc. nearly faints. It is, in fact, her/his penpal from so long ago! In that moment, the map, the patterns, and the choices that have shaped Brenda Sue Carl etc.'s life come into perfect clarity. Gail explains that she realized her mistake several months after rejecting Brenda Sue Carl etc., and wanted to tell him/her that s/he was not such a bad guy after all, but because of restrictions on giving out the addresses of former prisoners, she had been unable to find him/her for all these years. They end up singing in perfect harmony, both on and off the stage, and Brenda Sue Carl etc. becomes an inspirational speaker, telling groups of students and office workers how her faith in humanity was restored after a life of trial.

There. I better get a hell of a lot of points for that! May I just point out in my favor that I did not write any of the second part until I had made my entire list, with whatever traits came to mind?

3) If you could only say one word during a conversation, what would it be?

Well, if it was a conversation where I wanted to keep things non-commital, it would be "interesting."
If I wanted to make things actually interesting, but didn't mind if it ended abruptly, it would be "no."
But if I really could just pick one without any qualifiers... "Why?"

4) You have been chosen to be on a Billboard but only one of your features will be shown. Luckily you get to pick it. What is it?

What I have learned from considering this question is that many, many perfectly attractive features become somewhat creepy or lifeless when displayed all on their own. Therefore, I think I would have to pick my eyes. Because eyes may be disconcerting all on their own, but at least they are eyes. To clarify, for example: I think my smile is very nice. But when I put it on a billboard all by itself, I think it's a little weird. I keep looking for the eyes, to see how it all fits together. If you can see my eyes, it may be odd because they will seem to be enormous and staring, but you will have a sense of life that is direct and real and certainly more pleasant than an enormous hand or pair of boobs. (To give you a hint about what I consider attractive on myself when taken more in context.) For some reason, though, when I first though about this question I imagined my nose, which is ok but not my favorite feature. I don't really know why. To close, I think my eyes are very expressive and interesting and a lovely dark color, although I confess they are not as fascinating to waitresses as the eyes of some other people I could name...

5) You have to eat one food at least once a day for the rest of your life. Which one will it be?

Ice cream. If I must be more specific, Breyer's mint chocolate chip. But ice cream is the obvious choice. I think only once in my life ever have I felt that I had too much ice cream. I was really full, I guess, and it was a big bowl. Ooh, I want ice cream from Spain right now. Avellana Americana (hazelnut). Wow, I am having a yummy flashback. We used to have ice cream almost every day. I would get it at the Cafe de Indias when I went to use the internet, or we would meet at any one of a number of little ice cream shops. It was so good! I remember when some people set up an "ice cream budget" of how much money they were allowed to spend on ice cream. I didn't bother to do such a thrifty thing. Ice cream is necessary in a foreign, hot land. Also, if one walks for several hours everyday, one does not gain weight, even if one is eating ice cream all the time! I had the most wonderful lifestyle ever in Spain. And I love ice cream a lot. The end.

Anyone Want to Play with Me?

Found this in Morgan's blog and it looks fun. I promise to ask exciting questions (at least I hope to) and to answer honestly (or lie in a fun and obvious way, if you prefer) when you ask me questions.


Here are the rules:

1 -- Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 -- I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 -- You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 -- You'll include this explanation.
5 -- You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

I Know These Are MUCH More Interesting To Me Than To Anyone Else, but You Can Take it Too.

Found this in Nathaniel's Blog.

Two Names You Go By
1. Becky
2. James

Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. Irish Catholic
2. German Lutheran (I feel like my mom would be sad if I didn't also say Italian even though it didn't fit in with the contrast-making!)

Two Things That Scare You
1.Being attacked by people I pass outside at night, mostly men.
2. That I'm going to suddenly go irrevocably and cosmically wrong with my life path, and therefore sacrifice all happiness and acheivement forever.


Two of Your Everyday Essentials

1. A satisfying lunch
2. A little time to read

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. Cool brown and blue suede boots with manageable heels. (Arguably the most attractive and stylish footwear that I own, being that I own very little.)
2. Brown skirt that is tighter than it used to be, which fact I am not fond of.

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists
1. Gogol Bordello! Gypsy punk!
2. William Finn (not really a band or a musical artists, but related to music and a favorite)

Two Things You Want in a Relationship
1. A place for my spirit to be free and my imagination to be fed.
2. Sex-- at the right time and in the right way and when I'm sure it's a good idea... but also with a sort of wanton and consuming passion. Hmm.

Two Truths
1. The world can be incredibly frightening, dangerous, and savage. Which sometimes I believe, and sometimes I don't.
2. To (perhaps quote, perhaps paraphrase) Julian of Norwich: All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well. Which sometimes I believe, and sometimes I don't.

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Theater of any stripe except certain mainstagey weird stripes that pretend to be stripes but are actually polka dots.
2. Singing-- I miss it.

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. To be a published writer.
2. To understand my direction in life and be at peace about it.

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. India
2. Canada

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Visit every continent at least once (including Antarctica!)
2. Walk in beauty every day. And go into space. Both are difficult, but worthwhile.

Two Ways that you are stereotypically a Chick/Guy
1. Wonderful and circuitous language skills.
2. Confusion about all things mechanical, or which have to be manually assembled.

Two Things You Normally Wouldn't Admit
1. What people think of me matters to me way too much (taken from Nathaniel because he's right)
2. I think about sex, my own sexuality, and tie myself in knots over real or imagined attractions more than I would EVER say. And I get very jealous about such matters.

Two Things You Are Thinking About Now
1. How to promote a Christmas Carol at Thanksgiving.
2. If anyone other than the people I know about actually reads this journal... and whether I want them to.

Two Stores You Shop At
1. A Garland of Letters
2. The Last Word (I'm picking the cool sounding favorites, not the grocery store and stuff)

Two people I would like to see take this quiz
1. Rachel
2. Katie (Because they will read it)

Two people I haven't talked to in a while
1. Cristina (and I really should because I'm head over heels about her being in Philly)
2. Kirstin (and I really should because I'm head over heels about her being in Pennsylvania)

Cain On a Fucking Stick.

Really Long Survey (over 200)
What is your name?:	Rebecca Lynne Just Realized Maybe I Shouldn't Put My Full Name in My Blog
Are you named after anyone?:	No... Sort of my mother, I guess, because she's Linda. Sort of my father because he's Just Realized Maybe I Shouldn't Put My Full Name in My Blog? *chuckles*
What's your screename?:	BeckyF342
Would you name a child of yours after you?:	Probably not directly, or as a first name.
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?:	According to my preferences? Peter, since it is my confirmation name. According to what my mom and dad planned? I think Andrew or Nathan. I like Andrew better, I think.
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?:	Jesus Christ.
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?:	Not constantly. Once I was Rebecca Fawn in a mailing.
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?:	No! I would sound silly.
Basics
Your gender::	Female
Straight/Gay/Bi::	Basically straight, but since I just had a whole revelation about how the entire system of sexual labeling is in fact a service to the patriarchy, I feel compelled to object.
Single?:	Multiple! But not dating, if that's what you mean.
If not, do you want to be?:	But I am.
Birthdate::	4/20/82. Not 3/20/82.
Your age::	23
Age you act::	God, I don't know.
Age you wish you were::	God, I don't know.
Your height::	5'2"
Eye color::	Dark brown.
Happy with it?:	Ecstatic.
Hair color::	Dark brown.
Happy with it?:	Desperately un, but my religion forbids hair dye
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous::	Righty. If that really requires an y.
Your living arrangement::	I don't believe in an arranged life.
Your family::	What about it? I love them; they're crazy?
Have any pets?:	No living ones.
Whats your job?:	Finding missing apostrophes all over the internet and pointing it out.
Piercings?:	Ears.
Tattoos?:	Ears.
Obsessions?:	Ears.
Addictions?:	Ears.
Do you speak another language?:	Spanish.
Have a favorite quote?:	START WEARING PURPLE FOR ME NOW!
Do you have a webpage?:	Where you are if you're reading this, and www.uncutpages.org
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?:	Of course. I just keep forgetting.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?:	Never.
Do you have any secrets?:	I always have secrets.
Do you hate yourself?:	That's an awfully dramatic way of putting it. Let's just say mildly detest.
Do you like your handwriting?:	That's an awfully dramatic way of putting it.
Do you have any bad habits?:	Never.
What is the compliment you get from most people?:	You are the most intelligent and stunning person I have ever met. Please come to bed with me at once, and afterwards talk about all things in life.
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?:	Deep Thoughts about Life and You in it
What's your biggest fear?:	Hippodick. Wait, I thought it said favorite swear word, but that will do.
Can you sing?:	Never.
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?:	Not JUST to look cool. Also to gain prestige and sexual partners.
Are you a loner?:	In fact, I am alone now.
What are your #1 priorities in life?:	Ears.
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?:	Not JUST to look cool. Also to gain prestige and sexual partners.
Are you a daredevil?:	Not JUST to look cool... ok, I'll stop.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?:	You mean the whole demonic possession thing? I've basically accepted it.
Are you passive or agressive?:	Best of both worlds!
Do you have a journal?:	I have.
What is your greatest strength and weakness?:	Profound. Are they in fact always the same? In any case, ears.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?:	Sexier ears.
Do you think you are emotionally strong?:	In fact, I have a psyche of steel.
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?:	Yes. Both, at the same time.
Do you think life has been good so far?:	No life is good except your father in heaven. Wait, doesn't work.
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?:	Take care of your ears, and they will not fall off due to frostbite.
What do you like the most about your body?:	Elbows.
And least?:	Belly button.
Do you think you are good looking?:	You should see my fucking elbows.
Are you confident?:	With these elbows?
What is the fictional character you are most like?:	A sort of combination of Jay Gatsby, Boo Radley, and Catherine Earnshaw. Duh.
Are you perceived wrongly?:	Not JUST to look cool. Also to gain prestige and sexual partners. Sorry, I lied before.
Do You...
Smoke?:	When burning with passion.
Do drugs?:	Why is it "do" drugs?
Read the newspaper?:	When burning with passion.
Pray?:	When burning with extra passion.
Go to church?:	Why is it "go" to church?
Talk to strangers who IM you?:	And lie outrageously. I know... you wouldn't think I had it in me.
Sleep with stuffed animals?:	It's better than drinking alone.
Take walks in the rain?:	It's better than drinking alone.
Talk to people even though you hate them?:	I do hate people, and therefore I eshew verbal communication whenever possible.
Drive?:	I like to think I have drive.
Like to drive fast?:	Well, the one time I tried it, it was fun.
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?:	Never, and therefore I eshew verbal communication whenever possible.
Hurt yourself?:	When burning with passion. The burning, mostly.
Been out of the country?:	Never been in it.
Eaten something that made other people sick?:	Yes. I have carefully built up a tolerance to all known poisons. It was a grand state dinner last fall.
Been in love?:	Is that the opposite of the country?
Done drugs?:	Let's not get redundant, here.
Gone skinny dipping?:	Not JUST to look cool... hehe, you know the rest.
Had a medical emergency?:	In fact, I am currently having a medical emergency. Never mix burning and arsenic.
Had surgery?:	NEVER mix burning and arsenic. NEVER.
Ran away from home?:	Walked. Slowly. If you run, they will shoot.
Played strip poker?:	I won, too.
Gotten beaten up?:	Sex with Klingons is like that.
Beaten someone up?:	Sex with Klingons is like that.
Been picked on?:	Sex with Klingons is like that.
Been on stage?:	You've been talking to Charlotte, haven't you. DON'T believe her. I HATE PLAYS!
Slept outdoors?:	In a blizzard. Luckily, I was having sex with a Klingon at the time. #1 for body heat production.
Thought about suicide?:	Sex with Klingons is like that.
Pulled an all nighter?:	And it pulled back.
If yes, what is your record?:	The Original Cast Recording of Brigadoon.
Gone one day without food?:	It's better than sex with Klingons. And drinking alone.
Talked on the phone all night?:	Talked to the phone all night. I was very lonely.
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?:	Impossible.
Slept all day?:	Impossible.
Killed someone?:	That would be one of those secrets. Let's just say I am no stranger to the mark of Cain.
Made out with a stranger?:	Made off with a stranger.
Had sex with a stranger?:	You think I have a lot of Klingon buddies, or something?
Thought you're going crazy?:	I've heard that only sane people think they are going crazy, because crazy people believe they are sane. Yet I persist in thinking that I am going crazy. Which may be proof.
Kissed the same sex?:	I'm not sure I've kissed sex at all.
Done anything sexual with the same sex?:	You didn't think I meant a male Klingon, did you? At least not the first time.
Been betrayed?:	One doesn't carefully build up a tolerance to all known poisons for one's health, does one? That didn't come out right. Yes.
Had a dream that came true?:	In an abstract Kinder Egg way.
Broken the law?:	Shattered it, and walked barefoot over the pieces.
Met a famous person?:	Let's just say I am no stranger to the mark of Cain.
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?:	Not by accident.
On purpose?:	Oh, I got ahead of myself there.
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?:	Not by accident.
Stolen anything?:	Only livers. Wait--hearts--was thinking in Chinese again.
Been on radio/tv?:	Radiotv is my favorite place to be.
Been in a mosh-pit?:	Sex with Klingons is like that.
Had a nervous breakdown?:	Have you been reading this carefully?
Bungee jumped?:	By accident.
Had a dream that kept coming back?:	Let's just say I am no stranger to the mark of Cain.
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?:	Hello! Klingons.
Miracles?:	After observing the perfection of ears... how could I not believe?
Astrology?:	Does Astrology mean Star-Words? 'Cause that would be hot.
Magic?:	I'm an alchemist.
God?:	I have seen the perfection of ears... how could I not believe?
Satan?:	Then again, it never hurts to hedge your bets.
Santa?:	Does it sound like I had the sort of home life that would facilitate such a belief?
Ghosts?:	Let's just say I am no stranger to the mark of Banquo.
Luck?:	No.
Love at first sight?:	No.
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?:	No. And yes.
Witches?:	They were persecuted.
Easter bunny?:	Great ears.
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?:	Let's just say I am no stranger to the mark of Hester Prynne.
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?:	Absolutely.
Do you wish on stars?:	I have never been on a star.
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?:	No, I have a telescope and I intend to use it.
Do you think God has a gender?:	Many.
Do you believe in organized religion?:	Many.
Where do you think we go when we die?:	Limbo. Limbo. Life without life.
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?:	You're really NOT paying attention, are you? Isn't half the survey about Cain?
Who is your best friend?:	I talked all night to a telephone. I don't really have a lot of friends.
Who's the one person that knows most about you?:	George W. Bush.
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?:	The thing about burning and arsenic from before.
Your favourite inside joke?:	The thing about burning and arsenic from before.
Thing you're picked on most about?:	The thing about burning and arsenic from before.
Who's your longest known friend?:	See above re. demonic possession.
Newest?:	The telephone.
Shyest?:	You.
Funniest?:	Karl Rove.
Sweetest?:	Death.
Closest?:	See above re. demonic possession
Weirdest?:	The guy who got me started on the whole poison thing.
Smartest?:	The guy who got me started on the whole poison thing.
Ditziest?:	Probably the Klingons.
Friends you miss being close to the most?:	My GOD, I'm SORRY already about this whole killing business.
Last person you talked to online?:	Rachel.
Who do you talk to most online?:	The spirit of Napolean Bonaparte. Fascinating conversationalist, but can't spell.
Who are you on the phone with most?:	Haven't we been over this?
Who do you trust most?:	Trust no one.
Who listens to your problems?:	The goddamn fucking telephone.
Who do you fight most with?:	Sex with Klingons is like that.
Who's the nicest?:	Nice isn't really high on my list.
Who's the most outgoing?:	Death! Really knows how to work a room.
Who's the best singer?:	Napolean Bonaparte. Self-proclaimed, since obviously I have never heard him.
Who's on your shit-list?:	Am I going to write that in a public forum?
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?:	Not just thought.
Who's your second family?:	I think I'm starting to lose brain function.
Do you always feel understood?:	Always.
Who's the loudest friend?:	Oh, absolutely the Klingons.
Do you trust others easily?:	Yes. Can you hear my snide tone of voice through my typing fingers?
Who's house were you last at?:	My own.
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in::	NOT Klingons!
Do your friends know you?:	In fact, we've never met.
Friend that lives farthest away::	Oh, absolutely the Klingons.
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?:	Always.
What do you find romantic?:	Ears.
Turn-on?:	Ears.
Turn-off?:	Having to sing or talk.
First kiss?:	No thanks.
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?:	Like I've been reduced to a meaningless vowel.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going:	Going. God, please, going.
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out:	Night and day.
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv:	Night and day.
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?:	Night and day.
What is best about the opposite sex?:	Ears.
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?:	Feet.
What's the last present someone gave you?:	Ears and feet. It gave me this strange feeling of trembly and sadomasochistic pleasure.
Are you in love?:	That would be telling.
Do you consider your significant other hot?:	What did I say about burning and arsenic?
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?:	Did you read what I said about ghosts? And Cain?
You wanted to kill?:	Did you read what I said about ghosts? And Cain?
That you laughed at?:	The Klingons. Bad idea.
That laughed at you?:	Rachel. A lot.
That turned you on?:	The Klingons. Bad idea.
You went shopping with?:	The Klingons. Bad idea.
That broke your heart?:	In fact, I have a heart of steel.
To disappoint you?:	This survey writer in the love section with all the bad grammar.
To ask you out?:	The Klingons. Bad idea.
To make you cry?:	In fact, I've been sobbing for the last twenty minutes of this damn thing.
To brighten up your day?:	Codename "Cain." Doesn't that suck?
That you thought about?:	Obviously, for everyone, it would be the person in the previous question.
You saw a movie with?:	My ex-siamese twin, Edgar.
You talked to on the phone?:	We've been over this.
You talked to through IM/ICQ?:	Bekah.
You saw?:	I've been staring at my neighbor across the street for three successive mornings now.
You lost?:	STOP IT!
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?:	No, I'm sitting here.
Will it be with your significant other?:	No.
Or some random person?:	Yes.
What are you wearing right now?:	No.
Body part you're touching right now::	Heh. Ears. You caught me.
What are you worried about right now?:	That this agony will never end. In a literal as well as a figurative sense.
What book are you reading?:	Wizard's Holiday
What's on your mousepad?:	I use actual mouse skin. Do you think that's creepy?
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling::	No, I won't, you fellator. (Ironically, these were also you-know-who's last words)
Are you bored?:	I take the 5th.
Are you tired?:	Never.
Are you talking to anyone online?:	Yes.
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?:	Leave me the fuck alone about the phone already.
Are you lonely or content?:	Both.
Are you listening to music?:	Both.
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