Dear Alan Rickman

Dear Alan Rickman and/or Professor Snape,

Yes. Ok. Whatever you want. I love your face, I love your voice, I am in complete thrall to the dark redemption thing you've got going on. Take me somewhere shadowy and penetrate my mind.

Yours sincerely,
Becky

P.S. It's a little weird that you are older than my father, but let's not worry about that too much.

Get Well, Grandma

I found out today that my Grandma had a mini-stroke. She's doing much better now, apparently, but it really scared her and everybody else. Not much to say about it right now, but I just wanted to solicit some thoughts and prayers for her and my family, if you would be so kind.

Random people from other continents, that goes double for you.

I'm gonna give her a call tomorrow... I hope everything is still on an up-swing. I love you, Grandma.

Goodbye Todd!

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye! I'll miss you. Damn. I wish you weren't going... but I'm glad you are. I hope you enjoyed me as much as I did you, and did not think I was flaky or bizarre in a bad way. Good luck in Florida!

Play With My Pig (the 100th post!)

Here is a pig. See, Lauren, I remembered! And I'm not embarrassed.

Please play with my little pig.

adopt your own virtual pet!

Overwhelming (Also Happy Birthday Dad)

So... there's really a lot to update about, as I feel that this weekend/week has been pretty eventful, but let me start by saying happy birthday to my dad, who is 59 today, who does not read this blog or really use the internet too often, but who is a most beloved father nonetheless.

Now the overwhelming part... I got home last night and there was a message on my machine from a person named Jen saying that I needed to call her about my friend Cristina, and that Cristina had asked her to call me. I assumed that something was wrong, and I figured maybe Cristina had been hurt in some way, and was in the hospital. I was trying to figure out if she was in Philly or at home, and when I could visit her, all of this stuff. So I called this random person, and after some confusion over who I was supposed to be talking to and who I was, the people there figured out that I was the Becky that I am, and that I didn't know anything about what had transpired... which I didn't.

I met with Cristina last week on Tuesday, catching up and finally getting together after several months of living just a few blocks from each other but never seeing each other. We talked about how her brother was going to leave for a semester in Sevilla that Thursday, and she was debating going to see him off Thursday night, or not. I don't know if she went. And just last night, at dinner, I said to Rachel how Cristina's brother must be in Spain now, and how neat that was. But apparently he went to Spain, and then somehow fell out of a window, and died.

I was so completely stunned. I'm still so completely stunned. He was going for his semester abroad and now he's dead... it doesn't make sense. I almost started crying on the phone, even though I never met this boy. His name is Nick. And I feel so, so badly for Cristina and her parents. I just keep thinking about it. And the thing with him going out the window makes me think of what happened to my cousin... and how no matter how hard it is for him to keep recovering, I am grateful he's alive and walking, now.

At the same time, I never knew this person. It's not a personal grief, it's a grief for my friend. And this makes me sort of restless and confused, because I keep going away into normal things and coming back to it again, and I don't quite know how to... fit it, in my emotional landscape, you know? Because it's so horrible that it can't help casting a shadow over everything today, and yet there's nothing I can do, really.

Oh, Cristina, I love you so much. I wish I could do something to make it better...

It's funny how things become instinctive at times of turmoil. I was in the shower shortly after I heard, saying Hail Marys before I really realized that I was, and it's funny because I never liked the rosary much.

I went to bed at the phone rang at 1:30 or something, and I nearly had a heart attack, but it was Lilah. I talked to her for longer than I should have given my morning appointment with work, I guess just because I was relieved no one else was dead or hurting.

And then of course this morning was just hellish and surreal, and it was pouring rain and I was running late so I had to take a taxi, and I forgot the cds I made to mail to my dad for his birthday, and now I'm here not working even though there's lots to do, but everything feels weird.

I guess there's nothing to say, really, but I hate that. I want there to be something to say. Because I want there to be something to do, and there... isn't.

I'm so, so sorry, Cristina!

Today is a Survey Day.

Where's Vivaldi?
Should Have Been Loved // The Proclaimers
So, how do you take your coffee?:	Generally I leave it.
What about eggs?:	Sunny side up, soft boiled, poached, scrambled-and-fluffy... I like eggs.
Favorite pasta shapes in tomato sauce (alphagetti, simpsons, scarry-os etc):	I think I insisted on trying Spaghetti-Os once, and didn't like them.
The Taiming Of Smegol // Howard Shore
What is your favorite flower?:	I like violets and roses and Avie-Luke flowers and carnations and peonies and daffodils and tulips and irises...
Favorite type of tree?:	I like maples and oaks and willows and little bent over trees and birch trees and tall pine trees...
Have you ever tried eggplant?:	Yep.
Do you like eggplant?:	I love it!
Do you belive that eggplant actually exists?:	Yeah.
Really?:	Really really.
If you could be any type of plant, what type would you be?:	I had to answer this question at my NYPIRG job when they made us bond every day. I didn't want to bond, I wanted a paycheck. I quit pretty fast.
Breaking the Habit // Linkin Park
When was the last time you mailed a letter?:	I sent my signature to Harvard this morning.
what about sent an e-mail ?(real e-mail, no forwards):	To my delinquent recommender who has not sent recommendations to schools that were due 12/15!
Do you prefer pencil or pen?:	Pen.
Is you're writing pretty, or ucky?:	Ucky. What a cute word. I like it.
Are you a fast writer?:	When I was little, I was a slow writer due to a fine motor lag, so I got to record audio tapes full of my ideas and stories and inspirations and thoughts about alppes.
Printing or cursive?:	Printing, though I always feel bad, because my 3rd grade teacher thought I would like cursive and find it easier, and I wanted to oblige.
How old were you when you learnt to use cursive?:	9 or so.
CAPITAL LETTERS or lowercase?:	Both in their places.
My alphebets are talking to me! they say oooOOOoo!:	Mine say things like erotic. Mine are way cooler.
Anchored In You // Shawn Mullins
Do you like to travel?:	Love it!
Camping or cottaging?:	Camping, in a tent.
Ever been stoned in San Fransisco?:	Been neither stoned nor to San Francisco.
Where would you go if you got the chance?:	Almost anywhere.
Would you ever go back packing across Europe alone?:	Probably.
Do you really like the States?:	I like 'em fine.
Ever swam in the ocean?:	Yes!
How about a sea?:	I don't know.
Would you go to Iraq right now, if given the chance?:	I've thought about this. If there was a clear, (to me at least) important reason for me to go, that didn't involve fighting as its primary purpose, I would trust my heart/gut
Role Model For Today // Proclaimers
Do you play football (soccer)?:	No.
What's your favorite football (soccer) team?:	I don't know.
What's your favorite sport?:	*shrugs*
Do you consider cheerleading to be a sport?:	Yes.
Do you watch olympic gymnastics?:	I do. Once, I invented a sport called Ball Balancing. You balanced on a ball. The fictional ball balancers were also time travelers whose base of operations was inside the
Ever run out on a baseball/football field naked?:	Sphinx... it was pretty cool. And no.
Sad But True // Metallica
Name a few of your favorite bands/ musicians:	See previous survey.
Top 5 songs?:	See previous survey.
What's you favorite cd?:	My Thesis Soundtrack, duh.
How many concerts have you gone to in the past 4 years?:	Let's say about 10, including every kind of concert.
Enjoy mosh pits?:	No.
Name some kick ass composers:	Tchaikovsky, Beethoven, Mozart, and.... HERE'S Vivaldi! :)
Do you like bagpipes?:	I hated them as a kid... Now I like them a bit, but only in moderation/with other instruments.
Do you consider yourself to be a elietest when it comes to music?:	No, but about language I am... elie-test?
Who is Kurt Cobain's daughter?:	I don't know.
What about his wife?:	I don't know.
Lead singer of Metallica would be...:	I don't know.
Y'like Bob Marley, mon?:	Sure.
Are you in a band?:	I was, for one summer. :)
Karma Police // Radiohead
Would you ever get a mohawk?:	Probably not.
How about dreads?:	I doubt it.
D'you think dreads or mohawks are sexy?:	They can be.
What about chicks with mohawks?:	Often hot.
Should guys get perms?:	Probably not, but I'm picturing really frizzy stuff that may not be what you have in mind.
How many times have you dyed your hair?:	Once. Sprayed it a bunch for The King and I and Halloween, though.
What colour would you dye your hair (if you absolutely had to)?:	See previous.
Guys with long hair? yea or ney?:	Yea, mostly!
Hobbit hair? drool or lighter? (you know, lighter... to burn it off):	In chorus in high school, some jock guys thought it would be fun to light Nathaniel's hair on fire.
Do mullets really get chicks:	As in, understand them?
they really don't you know. Do you want an afro?:	No.
Worst hair attribute ever?:	Radioactivity.
What bugs you about YOUR hair?:	It needs to be cut right now.
Meet The Creeper // Rob Zombie
Do you like county fairs?:	Our state fair is a great state fair!
Which is better, candy apples or cotton candy?:	Caramel apples.
Caremel corn or nachos?:	Caramel corn.
What's your favorite midway ride?:	The Ferris Wheel.
Are you afraid of carnies?:	After Geek Love...?
Do you even know what a carnie is?:	A person who works at/travels with a carnival... right?
Wouldn't you just love to BE a carnie?:	Not really. But I know a certain Professor who might be interested. Except really I think he just likes to watch the carnies.
Ever thrown up on/ just after a ride?:	No... I don't go on super crazy rides, usually.
Ever seen someone do it?:	Yeah! They kept the Rainbow going for like 20 minutes, and this person on it with me threw up.
With Or Without You // U2
Do you like freckles?:	Sure.
Favorite facial feature?:	Eyes and smile.
Ever shot a beveradge out your nose?:	Laughed it out.
Ever hit someone with your nose beveradge?:	No.
Tried to hit someone with nose beveradges?:	No.
Does your face get messed up when you cry (i.e. puffy, splotchy, shrinks):	Shrinks? Actually, I think it's interesting, because if I just cry a bit and I'm trying not to cry it tends to get more splotchy, which is ironic.
Can you legitimitly wiggle your ears?:	Illegitimately, actually, sorry.
can you wiggle you know, bewiched style?:	This sounds so mysterious even though I know what it means. But no.
Ever had to wear braces or a retainer?:	Yes, braces for about a year... and I think I'm still supposed to wear the retainer at night...
Broken your nose (or other facial bones)?:	No.
Gotten a concussion?:	Nope.
Can you make a clover with your tounge?:	Just normal curling.
Have you even been punched in the face?:	No.
Punched someone else in the face?:	No.
Girls Not Grey // AFI
Got any tattoos? If yes, what of?:	No.
Do you want a tattoo? if yes, what of?:	See previous survey.
Got any facial (excluding ears) piercings?:	No.
If someone else paid, would you get you nipple pierced:	No.
Want any piercings?:	Probably not.
What do you think of surface piercings?:	Meaning, the surface of your skin? Depends where.
Kissed anyone with a tounge ring?:	No. I hear it's nice.
Any bad/ tragic tattoo/ piercing stories?:	Tragic tattoo! No.
Beautiful Girl // Poe
Were you popular in elementry school?:	Nope.
Who was your best friend in kindergarden?:	Charlotte, who I mentioned in the last one. But probably really Micah.
Favorite recess activity?:	Pretend, which we later called putting on plays.
Most used crayon?:	Red. My mom once was looking for a red crayon, and remembered it was me, and looked down in the carton and there it was, much smaller and rounder than all the rest. :)
How many schools have you gone to?:	Counting absolutely everything, separate buildings and all... eight.
Any elementry school friends you havn't seen in ages but would love to see?:	Yes, mostly Lauren. And Amy.
Were you the teased or the teaser?:	Teased. On occasion surrounded. But not as constantly as some, certainly.
Imaginary friends at all? What was their name?:	I had Rock People. Captain Jim, and Wiz and Wizina, and their baby, who I think was named Jane. And Pete, who lived in this actually rock ditch thing.
Any childhood pets?:	Sparky, and Physh. :) Also Cinnamon the cat who wasn't mine but who I liked a lot.
Slide // Goo Goo Dolls
Worst feeling?:	Jealousy. And self-loathing.
What is the worst thing you've done, that you can remember:	Probably the way I treat myself sometimes, to be honest. Also, I can be inconsiderate of people's feelings, and I've snarked and gossiped about people while remaining friends
Any bad habits?:	Procrastination. Filling out too many surveys.
Have you ever been abandoned?:	Yes. But not completely.
What's the most morbid thing you've thought over the past 48 hours?:	I reread a "what if I was decapitated" poem of mine last night. I mean, the only one, it's not a constant topic of my poetry. I mean, it's a good poem. ;)
Ever envisioned your own death?:	Yeah. Not really delighting in it, but I have imagined it.
When was the last time you really cried, sobbing and all?:	On Christmas Eve... but it was a clensing thing.
When was the last time you were truely, really angry?:	Over the weekend, I think.
Ever lost you mind?:	Not in a bad way.
Ever totally lost control?:	Yeah. Not often, but I've definitely screamed and cried when I didn't really want to.
Worst childhood memory?:	Various fighting things... like when my dad swept all the stuff off the coffee table in a rage and broke some small figurine or something of mine.
Best childhood memory?:	I don't know. Maybe being on stage with a big part for the first time.
Hope you like this, hope it wasn't too run-of-the-mill
Remember- Never start a land war in Asia! (if you don't get it, you suck:	Aw, I suck.
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Sorry... I got into it and did it again.... all new people!

Probably just as boring for all non-me people.

Name 25 random people you know (NO ORDER!)
what is an inside joke with #7?:	An inside joke ABOUT him is that he is the blah blah blah boy in the class.
what about #22?:	It's not exactly a joke, but we're going to live on an island somewhere and invent our own language.
would you go out with #12?:	If it meant I could see her again, I almost would, though it's never crossed my mind before.
whats one word that describes #5:	Eccentric.
would #4 look good with #25?:	WOW. wow. Actually... I sorta think so. Even if it might be creepy.
would u go out with #19?:	I think that would be awkward.
when is #11's birthday?:	I don't remember. I feel like at one point I should have known, but I don't remember at all now.
would you make out with #28?:	Sure, though probably the days for that are past.
are #3 and #29 BEST friends?:	No! If they ever meet, it will be through the most random permutation of chance and fate that I can possibly fathom.
have you ever liked #21?:	Assuming the "like-like" meaning again... no, I have not.
have you ever liked #13:	No.
have you ever liked #6?:	Not really, though I think everyone else in the world did. And at one point I was flattered by #6's (non-romantic) attention.
can you tell #17 anything?:	You know, I haven't talked to him in a long time, but if we were close... I think he's that kind of person.
how mucuh do you love #4?:	Only in a nostalgic, I knew her once sense... though I think I might still vote for her for president, if the opportunity arose.
how do you know #20?:	From high school.
would you make out with #30?:	Probably. He's pretty sexy.
how'd you meet #18?:	Again, high school.
what word comes to your mind when you hear #23's name?:	Roommate. The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.
have you ever had a crush on #27?:	Absolutely.
what about #2?:	No, though I guess I had that sort of non-sexual girl crush where you suddenly have this amazing friend and have to be together always.
do you think #10 is hot?:	No, but I think he's adorable.
whats one word that describes #15?:	Brilliant.
what do you think #9 will be when he/she grows up?:	Either an actor, an artist, or an aimless wanderer.
give me one random fact about #16.:	She was the first person I heard say "whoa Nelly," and she said it a lot... but just for one summer.
and #8.:	I used to watch him play soccer, and think, "I love you, play for me."
and what about #1?:	We went over the falls together in a tub... I think she was probably my best and truest elementary school friend, though I don't know if I knew that at the time.
...and #26?:	He's one of the most eminently lovable creatures in the world, and his magnetism never ceases to amaze me... if I do say so myself.
what song does #14 relate to?:	Well, she wrote this wonderful "Trinity" song that I still sing to myself from time to time. We were going to make a band.
what movie could #24 be in?:	WOW. Um... maybe A Beautiful Mind, just for the title. Maybe some very complex and old-fashioned comedy? That's tough.
what famous person does/should #7 meet?:	Golly-gee, I don't know. Me, when I'm famous, for a poetic ending. But only if he stayed cute.
what do you think of #10?:	I think he's one of the sweetest boys I've ever known. I hope he's all right.
would you make out with #1?:	I don't think I can answer that about people I haven't seen in more than ten years!
what about #17?:	Again, not quite the right sort of question... though I can see him being attractive and tender, all grown up. But it gives me a weird feeling, so maybe not.
whats an inside joke with #11?:	The never-ending train... a story we were going to write together.
what about #12?:	She was my best friend for many years... why can't I think of one? Sometimes I called her Lionheart, from Winter of Fire. Does that count?
and #13?:	The purple flowers joke! The monk joke! All the long jokes!
have you ever liked #8?:	Yes, in fact... he was right after #7.
what about #20?:	Sort of. I certainly loved his intelligence, and his quirky talent, though I think he kept some of it hidden.
would #29 make a good couple with #16?:	No. They might get along, but they might not... certainly no coupling.
what about #23 and #5?:	I don't think so, but I was always taken by surprise by who #23 ended up being close to, and #5 likes and knows everyone... so maybe??
whats a random fact about #6?:	I was sort of disappointed that she didn't ask to be my sympathetic junior.
what about #21:	We got our first kisses on the same night... and didn't know it for years.
and...#18?:	She gave me a stuffed dog for graduation from high school, because I loved hers so much on the chorus trip.
how'd you meet #28?:	My friend introduced me, on the internet.
have you ever gone out with #9?:	No, but oh how I would have liked to!
what about #30?:	No, he's rather overcommited at the moment.
ever had a crush on #5?:	Not really, but I can see the attraction.
or #25?:	Sort of. Certainly intellectually.
has #4 ever liked you?:	Good heavens, I doubt it.
what about #19?:	She definitely had a "girl-crush" on me, but I think she's straight.
one word about #27.:	Tenacious.
do you knwo anyone who likes #24?:	Her husband, I hope.
is #3 your friend? why?:	Not anymore. I moved away.
where do you see #26 in 20 years?:	About the same place he is now... at least he hopes so, fervently.
what about #22?:	I see her pursuing any one of a number of dreams... but always staying true to herself.
would you make out with #2?:	No, that's really not a good idea.
have you ever made out with #14?:	No, definitely not.
what # can you most see youself with?:	It was #15 for a long time, though it's been several years.
What # should #11 go out with next?:	I have no idea. #17 for stability, #26 for help, #5 for eccentricity?
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I Liked This... Even Though You Probably Won't Have a Clue Who I'm Talking About.

Maybe that's why I like it.

Name 25 random people you know (NO ORDER!)
what is an inside joke with #7?:	Writing center partners...
what about #22?:	Falling into the obispo!
would you go out with #12?:	No, she has a boyfriend. ;)
whats one word that describes #5:	Bouncy.
would #4 look good with #25?:	As a couple? No. As a mother and daughter type relationship? Maybe.
would u go out with #19?:	No, he has a boyfriend. ;)
when is #11's birthday?:	March. Or April. I think March.
would you make out with #28?:	I went back and added more, because this was driving me nuts. So yes.
are #3 and #29 BEST friends?:	They don't even know each other.
have you ever liked #21?:	In a sexual/romantic way? No, but I love her.
have you ever liked #13:	Once, I had a dream that she and the person she was dating at the time seduced me in a plane. It was weird, but kinda sexy. Other than that, no.
have you ever liked #6?:	In a sense. I certainly love her.
can you tell #17 anything?:	I probably could, but I don't.
how mucuh do you love #4?:	Very much. Probably my closest old friend.
how do you know #20?:	From work.
would you make out with #30?:	No.
how'd you meet #18?:	At school, because she was friends with #5.
what word comes to your mind when you hear #23's name?:	Spain.
have you ever had a crush on #27?:	No.
what about #2?:	Not really... though I used to wonder, kind of. Probably just a normal product of our conversations.
do you think #10 is hot?:	Yes.
whats one word that describes #15?:	Mercurial.
what do you think #9 will be when he/she grows up?:	An archeologist.
give me one random fact about #16.:	He kissed me once, but he might not remember.
and #8.:	She has two tattoos.
and what about #1?:	When I first met her and she was in drag, she reminded me of #15.
...and #26?:	She gave me one of the nicest compliments I have ever, ever received.
what song does #14 relate to?:	Well, because I saw it in something related to her once... "Nothing on Me" by Shawn Colvin.
what movie could #24 be in?:	Something sort of bubbly... like a romantic comedy. I want to say "You've Got Mail," which is completely random, because I've never seen it.
what famous person does/should #7 meet?:	Um... I think she met Neil Gaiman.
what do you think of #10?:	I love the way her mind works in tandem with my own.
would you make out with #1?:	I doubt it, but I also think that if I did, it would be fun and not too awkward after.
what about #17?:	No, certainly not. Another one with a boyfriend, too.
whats an inside joke with #11?:	Oranges!
what about #12?:	Eglamore. However that's spelled.
and #13?:	My daddy.
have you ever liked #8?:	Again, no, but I love her.
what about #20?:	No! Really, no.
would #29 make a good couple with #16?:	Um... it's completely ridiculous because #29 is married... but they are both into medieval stuff... so in a completely hypothetical world... yeah, maybe.
what about #23 and #5?:	I really don't think so. #5 would irritate #23, and #23 would not pay enough attention to #5.
whats a random fact about #6?:	We lost our literary virginity on the same book.
what about #21:	She always has hand sanitizer when you need it.
and...#18?:	Um... I know that #2 gave her a stuffed animal once.
how'd you meet #28?:	Through friends at school, mostly #5, #9, and #13.
have you ever gone out with #9?:	Nope, but we are fuck buddies. ;)
what about #30?:	No.
ever had a crush on #5?:	No.
or #25?:	No! That's not appropriate.
has #4 ever liked you?:	Far as I know, she likes only boys.
what about #19?:	Far as I know, he likes only boys. (This is working out symmetrically, huh?)
one word about #27.:	Manic.
do you knwo anyone who likes #24?:	I hope her husband does.
is #3 your friend? why?:	Yes. Shared sense of humor, brilliance, affection, willingness to carry a joke forever...
where do you see #26 in 20 years?:	Hopefully not with some completely wrong guy... hopefully doing something that will absorb and reflect all of her wonderful energy, talent, and quirky enthusiasm.
what about #22?:	Teaching somewhere with incredible success and brillance, probably with children and an adoring husband.
would you make out with #2?:	I might, but then again, it might be weird.
have you ever made out with #14?:	No, and I don't see that happening.
what # can you most see youself with?:	Honestly? I don't know. #3 is sexy, #2 is perhaps most compatible, #16 is most available and in my normal demographic, #28 is beautiful... but I'm not sure of any of them.
What # should #11 go out with next?:	#10. Certainly.
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What's In a Name?

Name Association Test
Who/ what do you think of when you hear...?
Jon:	Uncle Alan's partner. Stancato.
Nick:	Gambino, from high school, or Carraway (spelling) from The Great Gatsby.
Jack:	Sparrow, Frost, Sprat.
Amanda:	Rogers, from Star Trek, I think.
Emily:	of New Moon.
Sarah:	Plain and Tall.
Megan:	A friendly girl with short hair, brown or red.
Jackson:	Fast, solid, suspicious.
Mike:	Abbreviated angel.
Justin:	Timberlake. Goddammit, that was my first thought! Also, Justin and Benjamin.
Eric:	The Phantom of the Opera.
Samantha:	The American Girl doll.
Dan:	Ultra-Modern Abstractionist from Haverford.
Matt:	Cousin.
Fran:	Drescher. Spelling?
Claire:	Reyner.
Joe:	Joe, Joe, he don't know. Ain't that so, Joe? The Narrator!
Ally:	Decker, but I don't think she spells it that way.
Kim:	Smith? And there was a Kimmy in that play I wrote in middle school.
Vinny:	Vinny Valentino! The pastor's pin-up! Vinny and... Irving! Which sends me back up to Jack!
Jesse:	paint your picture, 'bout how it's gonna be... by now I should know better, your dreams are never free.
James:	Devron. Mackessy (spelling?) A strong, attractive name.
Greg:	There was this odd kid in my religious ed class named Greg... he was one of the problem kids that they kept promoting this one teacher, Mr. Kimball, with our class for.
Chris:	Aunt, Arabek (spelling).
Jay:	Guss.
Nathan:	Someone in the Revolutionary War. Somebody's brother.
Brandon:	Too modern.
Tiffany:	Way too modern.
Ashley:	Stevens? Don't know why.
Kevin:	Bacon, Martin.
Kyle:	Baker! Our mystery disciplinary problem!
Sean:	Madigan. Never really liked him, though he got better as he got older. And his mother, oddly, was a kindred spirit in some ways.
Victoria:	Had issues with all people I've known named Victoria... well, all two.
Jessica:	The most popular name in elementary school! Rolince, Fikes, Lasda...
Andrew:	Andrew and David.
Zach:	From Zachariah, my troubled dancer. Which brings us again back to Chris, for Chrissy, and Jack, for Jack Rose.
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Uncut Pages

Original Robots...































And new additions!

BMVCOE

A Bit Random, Considering that it Comes From Comparing People to Saltine Crackers and Meat Snacks... but ok...

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Katie is your soulmate.

You truly love Lilah.

You consider Chelsea your true friend.

You know that Maddie is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Rachel for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Julia is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Kirstin is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Bekah is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Bekah changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Elizabeth is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Elizabeth has a hidden internet romance.

Stop. Think. Speak.

I would like to propose this threefold system of communication to President Bush, and also specifically to Randi and Michael of the box office. Especially President Bush, but since my influence on him is limited, I guess I'll have to start small.

Today I was reading about Bush's speech last night regarding our progress in Iraq, and it was so deeply angering to me that I simply had to violate my vow of silence on matters of import at work, and bring it up to Albert. He agreed... in fact, he had become so angry viewing the speech that he turned it off.

My anger stems from two basic things: First of all, the speech seems to me to be deliberately, blatantly, flagrantly misleading in its constant references to September 11th, and now the link between Iraq and that attack is explained as a common ideological framework. Last time I checked, we cannot attack people because they share an ideological framework with actual military enemies, no matter how insidious we view that ideological framework to be. For example, I feel that refusing or being unable to discriminate between members of a population... or even a general cultural group... (eg. U.S. citizen vs. President Bush, U.S. citizen vs. British citizen, Iraqi leader vs. September 11th attacker, Iraqi vs. member of other Middle Eastern country)... is, in fact, a disturbing ideological framework that we seem to share with our enemies. By that logic, the next step the U.S. should take is to invade itself.

Anyway, as Albert and I were discussing this without going into a whole lot of depth, but expressing our mutual anger, Randi came into the box office. Albert proceeded to say that she was a fan of Bush, and we were off to the races. It was very strange, and at some point when Randi said "they were all out to attack us, anyway," I literally started shouting, "Who? Who? Not Iraq, tell me who?" Which is highly unusual, and partly attributable to the fact that Randi seems to say almost everything at top volume and with total conviction. But it was this total jumble of sometimes contradictory cliches, and I was trying my best to argue back rationally... Randi was literally saying things about how all people in the Middle East wanted to kill us, and just complete bollocks, but with such incredible conviction! I was quite worked up, though, and it surprised me. I guess the nice-quiet-worker facade got torn right open.

I kind of liked it. Although I was sort of trembling with anger at some point when Randi and tall young Michael proposed sending all the prisoners to fight in Iraq. I said something scornful about training, and they sort of said they were kidding. I think Michael sort of just likes to get a rise out of me. I do NOT like it when people think it's funny when I'm angry, and a lot of people seem to think so. Why? I have as scorching a wrath as anybody else, when roused.

And, one good way to avoid such wrath is to try out Stop Think Speak. Not necessarily when you're talking about your annoyance at work or your ex-boyfriend or your mom... but when you're talking about large global events and war? Please. Give just a moment's ponderation to what comes out of your mouth!

I wish I could convince people that the passionate application of their minds matters, and is worth the trouble.

Goodbye Heather!

Yesterday was Heather's last day at work. I shall miss her! She made working at the office so much more fun, and made me realize that it is NOT unreasonable to expect normal, fun, warm interaction with co-workers. Heather-- thanks for the games, the blunt opinions, the tarot cards, and the genuine interest in what I said and did! I hope you sell a million pools. :)

Missing Things

I don't know why the font will never stay the way it was in my first entry. I liked that better.

I realized that my last entry was April 25, my uncle Alan's birthday. I do not remember for sure anymore how old he'd have been. Not 50 yet, I don't think.

Uncle Alan, I miss you. I imagine that you would teach me how to drive (maybe even standard or a truck), and sort out my romantic life or lack thereof. But that's just because you're missing, so I imagine you would fill in all my missing skills/needs.

What I really want to know is whether you would have liked the woman I've become as much as you liked the girl I was. You gave me the best compliment of all in valuing my opinion. I only wish you could hear my thoughts now. I miss yours, and your big hands shoving a pickle in my mouth when I least expected it.

Goodbye again. I wish I thought of you more, but sometimes it's strange how often I do. They're making a movie of Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy. More on this later. I love you.