'Ware the Bovine Intruders!

Cow Dodger You scored 100 Cow Dodger!

Congratulations. You dodged the cow. However the fight will continue between man & cow. Never let your guard down and never let youself be taking in by their devilishly striking good looks.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 75% on Cow Dodger

Link: The Rampaging Cow Test written by Dirty_Hamster on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

ALERT! Important Info for my Faithful Readers! ALERT!

There is a COW in my blog. It has left several comments, some more disturbing than others, and even implied that it was responsible for the disappearance of my keys. As I have since found them without complying with the animal's instructions, I am left to deduce that there are also forces working on my side. However, the sudden appearance of the cow is extraordinarily disturbing. I wanted to alert you all to this development, so that as you wander the metaphorical halls of my ramblings, you do NOT stumble onto the cow unawares. If you do, remember to treat it carefully and with respect... do not turn your back! It may be armed. Make every effort not to provoke a confrontation. I will try to post a regular update later, but I felt this information was too important to wait.

I Like Eggs Better When I'm Not One.

...and I figured I'd just go crazy and publish 4 times in one day. Except now it's several days later, but I think it will still post in the other day. And even if it doesn't, it will still make 4 times today, I think.

When I was very, very small, I had a dream, one of the first dreams I remember. I was standing on a stage, and there were cool lights shining on the stage, but I had no awareness of an audience. Rather there was a sort of echoing emptiness all around. On the stage with me were enormous, pastel colored eggs. I knew that there were other people like me in those eggs, and that it was time for them to hatch and come out, or they would rot inside. I tried to wake them up, and get them to come out, but they wouldn't. I don't know if I was frightened, but I was alone. At the same time, I knew that I had done what I needed to do. That dream has never really left me, and I've found it many times since.

When I first saw the Matrix, in the scene where Neo realizes what is going on and sees all the little pods that everyone is "sleeping" in.

And now this, which I just stumbled upon... if the religious language is kind of a block, try it anyway... it still says what it says:

That scripture where Jesus says, “You should be perfect, even as your Father in Heaven is perfect” kind of makes me squirm a little bit. So we interpret it to mean “mature,” or something doesn't require anything quite as radical as “perfect.”

But Jesus was pretty radical, actually. I think he’s talking about the whole change. C.S. Lewis had a good illustration; he said, “It’s hard for an egg to turn into a bird, but it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while it was still an egg!”

And for now, we’re like eggs, and we can go on indefinitely just being an ordinary decent egg. OR, we can turn to Jesus to perfect us and make us into radically different people.

We have to be hatched... or go bad.

Right now I feel confined, and I don't know quite why, or by what. I feel like I panic much more easily than I should, that there's a basic unease moving around inside of me. I don't think I should panic over little things like... well, one day it was just walking home. Or the GRE, or the mice in our house, or grad school... I don't know about being at work, about this job. I seem to be anxious and unproductive here. But then, I feel that way almost everywhere.

Is it time to hatch? Why? Where am I going?

I want to be certain of something, and wrap my hand around it.

Help Me Remember This One, or, I Hate Mice and the GRE

This was going to be just a basic rant about how much I hate the mice in our apartment, and the fact that I have to take the English GRE tomorrow. Also, I'm more and more convinced that I need to go to grad school, and I'm more and more terrified and having mental blocks all over the place with the actual process thereof.

1. I never agreed with my mom that mice are scary, but they're starting to really startle and annoy me. Also, I feel like it must be my fault that there are so many of them, and I want to keep things cleaner but I feel overwhelmed.

2. The English GRE sucks hippodick in a variety of nauseating ways.

3. I'm really scared of grad school.

But the thing is, I just found this quote in somebody's profile:

Stress is an ignorant state.
It believes that everything is an emergency.
Nothing is that important.
-Natalie Goldberg, author & writing instructor

I love Natalie Goldberg, and I think this is true. Such a gentle way to put it... stress is an ignorant state. We take it for granted that everyone is going to be stressed, that is natural to be stressed, part of our society or our lives or our "human condition." I want to stop and think about this one.

Stress is an ignorant state.

It believes that everything is an emergency.

Nothing is that important.