HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I am now 25 years old. I feel... happier than I did yesterday when I was 24! Perhaps there is something to this aging thing. :)

And Katie's right, I think this comic is fantastic.

Cultivation

I'm experiencing that feeling. That feeling of dread and doom and fear, where each new event of the day seems unbearably full of chances to fail.

It goes right down the middle of me, and then runs around to all the tips of my body like static. Pins and needles.

I'm looking for something to redirect my attention and my feelings, but not in the frantic or lethargic way of most procrastination. I've been into lists lately, so here then is a list of the beautiful things in my day thus far:

*Sunlight and brilliant blue sky
*I think my professor for Hinduism and the Epics is more genuinely and passionately in love with what she studies and teaches than anybody I have ever met, ever.
*She also has a beautiful wrap-thing... like a shawl, but with sleeves, very thin and see through and flowy, in a sort of deep pink.
*While I was sitting outside to eat my lunch, my TF came by just as I had gotten some bleu cheese dressing on my mouth and was realizing I had no napkins, and he was like, "Do you need napkins?" because he had grabbed extras.
*Meeting a really exciting person who LOVES William Finn and is coming to my birthday party.
*A hot shower.
*A moment in writing my response when it really clicked in and took off, all at once.
*Having the thought "fuck everyone; I don't have time," and then thinking about the implications of that statement and laughing to myself.
*Saying no.
*These ridiculous little things serving as zipper pulls on my purse, which are eggs and circus people and have two alternate faces all at the same time! Really!
*The knowledge that people (you, at this time) will come by and read my list.

Happy Birthday Rachel!

:-D

Now you are 24 like me!

So glad you made it to the Earth while I was on it. :) Happy day!

March 20th is a Special Day

Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday, dear Professor Dilexi.
Happy Birthday to you.

I suppose an appropriate birthday choice would be cake or death, but is that really a door one wants to open with the Professor?

I think it is not. Life-sustaining balloons and adulterously smeared frosting to all of you.

Overwhelming (Also Happy Birthday Dad)

So... there's really a lot to update about, as I feel that this weekend/week has been pretty eventful, but let me start by saying happy birthday to my dad, who is 59 today, who does not read this blog or really use the internet too often, but who is a most beloved father nonetheless.

Now the overwhelming part... I got home last night and there was a message on my machine from a person named Jen saying that I needed to call her about my friend Cristina, and that Cristina had asked her to call me. I assumed that something was wrong, and I figured maybe Cristina had been hurt in some way, and was in the hospital. I was trying to figure out if she was in Philly or at home, and when I could visit her, all of this stuff. So I called this random person, and after some confusion over who I was supposed to be talking to and who I was, the people there figured out that I was the Becky that I am, and that I didn't know anything about what had transpired... which I didn't.

I met with Cristina last week on Tuesday, catching up and finally getting together after several months of living just a few blocks from each other but never seeing each other. We talked about how her brother was going to leave for a semester in Sevilla that Thursday, and she was debating going to see him off Thursday night, or not. I don't know if she went. And just last night, at dinner, I said to Rachel how Cristina's brother must be in Spain now, and how neat that was. But apparently he went to Spain, and then somehow fell out of a window, and died.

I was so completely stunned. I'm still so completely stunned. He was going for his semester abroad and now he's dead... it doesn't make sense. I almost started crying on the phone, even though I never met this boy. His name is Nick. And I feel so, so badly for Cristina and her parents. I just keep thinking about it. And the thing with him going out the window makes me think of what happened to my cousin... and how no matter how hard it is for him to keep recovering, I am grateful he's alive and walking, now.

At the same time, I never knew this person. It's not a personal grief, it's a grief for my friend. And this makes me sort of restless and confused, because I keep going away into normal things and coming back to it again, and I don't quite know how to... fit it, in my emotional landscape, you know? Because it's so horrible that it can't help casting a shadow over everything today, and yet there's nothing I can do, really.

Oh, Cristina, I love you so much. I wish I could do something to make it better...

It's funny how things become instinctive at times of turmoil. I was in the shower shortly after I heard, saying Hail Marys before I really realized that I was, and it's funny because I never liked the rosary much.

I went to bed at the phone rang at 1:30 or something, and I nearly had a heart attack, but it was Lilah. I talked to her for longer than I should have given my morning appointment with work, I guess just because I was relieved no one else was dead or hurting.

And then of course this morning was just hellish and surreal, and it was pouring rain and I was running late so I had to take a taxi, and I forgot the cds I made to mail to my dad for his birthday, and now I'm here not working even though there's lots to do, but everything feels weird.

I guess there's nothing to say, really, but I hate that. I want there to be something to say. Because I want there to be something to do, and there... isn't.

I'm so, so sorry, Cristina!

Look! April, not March!

Your Birth Month is April

You are trustworthy and highly ethical in all facets of life. Helpful and steady, you are able to solve any problem. Your soul reflects: Bliss, playfulness, and curiosity Your gemstone: Diamond Your flower: Sweet Pea Your colors: Yellow and red

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

Numerology Strikes Again

This is for my full name:

Expression: 11

The Expression number shows us who we truly are, what we came into this life already knowing. This is where we feel most comfortable and how we automatically act. We attract people and situations to us that require our Expression so that they can further evolve. In this way we play the role of teacher. Naturally we are attracted to occupations that we resonate to, so the Expression number can be a strong factor in our choice of a career as well. Our Expression is the vehicle, with all its virtues and vices, that drives us along the path of our Destiny. It is the essence of our identity.

You are endowed with a high vibrational energy that may be expressed through inspirational, teaching, preaching, acting, art or invention. You have access to prophetic wisdom and your positive attitude is a transformational force in other people's lives. Fame and notoriety is very likely at some point in your life, as your kind of energy gets noticed! Much will be required of you in life when you have a master number vibration, because much will be given.

Soul Urge: 9

The Soul Urge number has also been called Heart's Desire and Spiritual Urge. It is our secret, innermost longing. Our dream, our motivation, the fuel that energizes our journey. The Soul Urge number reveals what we secretly strive to be or accomplish. Some have said that this number tells us what we have been in previous lifetimes, the accumulated growth of our soul.

Like the number 6 soul urge, your life revolves around giving and receiving love. Your desire, however, includes the whole of humanity and a few races besides. Compassion, passion and forgiveness make up your essence and you are very generous and impressionable. The fine arts call out to you and you may in fact have a master artist living inside of you.

Persona: 2

The Persona number describes the way we appear to the outside world, the first impression people have of us. We may not even be aware of how we are perceived by others because we are so often focused on our inner world, and many times the inner does not match the outer. Persona gives us a peek at some hidden talents we have. The talents that we use to get along in the world and in some instances, protect us from it. It is likened to a bag of tools (jewels) that we carry with us along the way.

You have a very neat, composed appearance to the outside world. Peaceful and unobtrusive, you are the one people go to for companionship and harmony. You seem to have a quiet, non-judgmental wisdom which attracts those needing advise and an objective point of view. Your ability to see both sides of a situation makes you appear indecisive.

Natal Analysis: April 20, 1982

Personal Year: 4

Organization, practicality, analysis, and productivity, are the words that describe this time. Now is when the creative drive of the passing 3 vibration needs to be harnessed and directed. Systematic efforts and honest, hard work are sure to pay off if you use this vibration wisely. The number 4 symbolizes Earth and the four directions. It is time to focus on Earthly matters, save for the future, and build a foundation for what is to come. Health of the body, mind, emotions, and spirit is another practical and important undertaking during this time.

Personal Month: 6

This is the month for harmony. Give loving advise when it's asked for. Re-decorate the family room. Go house shopping. Volunteer to help the needy. Feed a stray animal.

Personal Day: 9

Clean house. Go on a one day juice fast. Take someone dear to the zoo and have eye contact with the gorillas. See the interconnectedness of all things. Be grateful. Wear any color that makes you feel good.

Destiny: 8

The Destiny number describes the life lessons that we have come here to learn. It reveals to us the path we must take, and the role we must play to fulfill our mission. Often our choice of career is based on this vibration, and if not, then it will manifest through avocational pursuits. We may attract people and experiences into our lives that mirror the traits of this number for us, so that we may develop into our highest potential. We don't always welcome our life lessons, so it is a possibility that we may even feel an aversion to the characteristics of our Destiny number in other people, and we may ourselves act the opposite. In spite of the many ways we may choose to react to this force within us, we have been gifted with all of the talents and energy needed to fulfill our Destiny.

You will be given many opportunities in life to learn how to wisely use power, authority and money. Whether you're the head of a great corporation a great family or a great team, your discipline, persistence, courage and strength is sure to bring you success. You have a philanthropic nature and you will learn in life that true power is in sharing this success. Sports is an area requiring the kind of strength, determination and endurance that an 8 destiny gives you, as is the business world.

Cycles

The destiny is divided into 3 great cycles, each governing us for specific durations throughout our life. The Seed cycle begins at birth and colors our experiences through childhood and adolescence. During the year nearest our 28th birthday, we move into the Fruit cycle which remains throughout the middle part of our life until the year nearest our 56th birthday, and the Harvest cycle carries on from there. Taken all together, the cycles show us our particular path that will lead to the fulfillment of our destiny.

Seed: 4

When the 4 is the seed cycle, there may be some sort of learning difficulty, dyslexia or lack of application. Sometimes there is a stubbornness that sets in because of the 4 energy pressuring the child into routine, order and responsibility. Fours are usually required to begin working for a living at an early age, even if only to earn their allowance.

Fruit: 2

Cooperation, adaptability and diplomacy shape the experience during the 2 cycle. It is a time to collect knowledge and to be of service to others, becoming sensitive to their feelings and learning patience. It is a waiting period, gestation. Psychic development is likely.

Harvest: 2

"Togetherness" is the theme of this cycle. They are rarely alone, and social invitations abound. Two harvest people are usually collectors of something; stamps, dishes, cars, figurines, postcards from their travels...

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Pinnacles

The four pinnacles reveal the high spots or heights of attainment that we are likely to encounter as we move along the path of our life. The 1st pinnacle lasts from birth to around age 28. The 2nd pinnacle lasts for 9 years after that. the 3rd pinnacle lasts 9 more years, and the 4th pinnacle carries on through the rest of our life. The peak of the pinnacle is reached during the next 1 personal year. Pinnacles are like sudden inheritances from a benevolent aunt, they can transform the prevailing energies completely and suddenly. It is useful to look ahead and prepare for our pinnacles so that we can maximize their gifts to us and shape them into the most positive manifestation.

First Pinnacle: 6

A time for giving, nurturing and taking responsibility for others. The 6 pinnacle brings in domestic vibrations and a marriage may begin or improve during this time.

Second Pinnacle: 4

Literal building of a home is a possibility as is the building of a family, a business or even a solid spiritual connection, if the creative energies are focused in that direction.

Third Pinnacle: 1

A new phase of life is emerging and it is the time to lay down the foundation. To shape and mold a new vision, the ideal vision of your creation, your life.

Fourth Pinnacle: 6

Children and animals flock to your nurturing energy now. Surround yourself with beauty and harmony and loving companions. Your wise advise is a benefit to all.

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Challenges

The three challenges show us the major influences demanding our attention during specific sections of our lifetime. The 1st challenge influences the years from birth to age 28. The 2nd challenge takes over from age 28 to 52, and the third affects us our whole life. Challenges shape our attitudes and can affect our health. These vibrations that challenge us, cause either an exaggeration of the associated qualities or a lack of them, both of which are extremes which need to be brought into balance.

First Challenge: 2

A child with this challenge is very sensitive. There are many tears shed and extreme shyness is likely. They develop an intricate system by which they ensure the appropriate amount of attention from others. Through giving and intuiting other people's needs and filling them, but also by "nit-picking" and pursuing endless cycles of discussion about petty annoyances and imperfections. Two's are very intuitive and empathic, and when they are confidant and expressive they can be powerful healers.

Second Challenge: 0

0 challenge holders are either the one's who give every last bit of all they are given to those who "need it more" i.e. anybody, or they feel so deprived of their essential needs that they refuse to give at all. They sometimes feel an inner panic at the thought of growing older which leads them to do whatever it takes to feel young. This may lead them to marry a much older person or a much younger one, or it may manifest in a child-like "fairy tale" outlook and behavior. Inside, they know that they are very wise and when they are fearless, they can bring powerful messages of hope to the world.

Third Challenge: 2

The challenge of the "thin-skinned". These challenge holders take everything personally and can easily turn tiny little mole-hills into you know whats. They can seem to become translucent, absorbing each new idea and each new person into themselves, becoming them in the process. The 2 is the number of the psychic, however, the challenge is to maintain one's own identity while accepting the powerful, empathic abilities of the 2. The main focus of the 2 challenge holder is themselves, their feelings, their wants, their lack of satisfaction. Their outer behavior is geared to keeping the peace and taking care of others while secretly hoping they will be taken care of in return. The remedy for this challenge is to become an equal partner in relationships. To realize that their ideas and opinions are valid and to stop flattering love out of people.