Five Questions From Alex

Alex, your questions are fascinating, but rather hard! I have done my best:

1. Name one skill or talent you always wish you had developed more fully or pursued. What do you think kept you from following this path?

Well... it's hard to say, really, because there aren't a lot of talents I'm aware of that I haven't pursued at all. I would say singing, since it's been a couple of years since I really sang with any official regularity, though I hope to get back into that again soon. It's funny, because I do notice the lack of singing, but it's something other people point out to me more. Like at Thanksgiving, Skip (my mom's friend's husband) told me he had always imagined me pursuing a musical career, and then my dad asked, "What about your music, your singing?" as we were talking about various developments and pursuits in my life. I think I also wish I had time/space/inclination at the time to have studied more history in college. I still really like history but I feel that my education in it has been completely cut off. I think that in terms of the singing, I was never certain that I loved it enough to pursue it to the exclusion of other activities, and in college it became hard to be as pluralistic as I had been in high school. Now, I am nervous that I will not find a group that I am trained enough for, or that I will have to sight read or do something scary... but mostly I hope that soon I find a good singing group and the time to do it. In terms of history, it was simply a matter of where my coursework led me at the time. One thing I sort of hate about higher education is that you get more and more specialized the higher you go, so in some ways you learn less.


2. [ Alright, this isn't particularly creative, but it's a question I tend to ask people] Would you rather wake up one morning and find yourself deaf or blind? Why?

This is quite difficult, but I think deaf. Simply because I think it would be harder to navigate the world without my vision, and also because I couldn't read without it, and whatever misfortune befell me, I'm sure that reading would help me cope with it. Also, (sorry, this is trite), while God forbid I should ever have to use it exclusively, I have become rather enamored of finger-spelling as of late.

3. You've found yourself suddenly transported to a space ship where you are confronted by a group of aliens who have just decided that Earth must go. You are given the chance to give them, show them, or tell them about 3 things to try to convince them to do otherwise-- what do you choose?

This is the hardest one, and I've saved it for last. So hard, Alex! But a really great question.

1. The most colorful, fragrant, interesting flowers I can find.
2. I would show them a baby, and (assuming this terrible task gives me a certain omniscience) tell them the entire history of the baby's ancestry and all the people who have in some way gone into creating this baby, good and bad and indifferent, and also the complete mystery of the baby's future life.
3. I would tell the story of a war or other horrible event, with all the good and evil wrapped up together like lovers... the terrible acts and the selfless ones... I don't think it would be fair to not be honest, and I would like to think this would in truth be a strong argument to let us continue trying.
4. I know I don't get a fourth, but I really want to sing a song. Maybe I could make one of my stories an opera? Or wrap a lullaby into the baby thing?

Wow, this is making me so nervous. I hope my choices could save the world....

4. You get to spend a week in any fictional place (it can be from any source--tv/movie/books/comics/myths/etc) where do you choose and why? [if you feel so inclined you can get into what you would do there/who you would want to meet and so on)

Considering that I used to stand under lampposts in hope, I would have to pick Narnia. And I suppose I would most want to meet Mr. Tumnus (is that spelled right?) and Reepicheep and Puddleglum. Well... and Aslan, certainly. Wow, as unlikely as this is, I'm getting all excited about it. Oh, the why is basically because it is the first fantasy world I really inhabited in my imagination, and it is so... formative, to me. The experiences I've had of Narnia have colored the way I view a lot of things. Sort of in terms of ideas, but even more in terms of atmosphere... every single time I have gone abroad there has been something that related back to Narnia. When I am in tunnels or caves I chant to myself, "Many sink down to the underworld, but few return to the sunlit lands." I had to try Turkish Delight when I finally found it in a candy store. I named my lizard Eustace Clarence Scrubb. My knowledge of mythical creatures is heavily Narnian. I know why the wardrobe worked. And every time I see a real wardrobe, I remember that it would be very foolish to shut myself inside... but I also have to feel the back to make sure. I learned what single combat and treachery are because of their presence in the books. And whenever I imagine a hell I can imagine (as in, not the vengence of an angry God), it is really the non-vision of a circle of hungry dwarves. This is not really a description of what I would do in Narnia so much as a hymn to my love of the stories... but it's hard to say what I would do. Aside from retrace the steps of my friends... I think I would like to see what Father Christmas would give me, if given the chance. And of course I would want to go to Caer Paravel. But mostly I would want a real adventure... with companions and purpose and danger and everything... whatever the Lion would send me! ;)

5. Is there a piece of art/literature/music that you feel draws a gut level response or reaction from you no matter how many times you see it (or read it, or hear it)? What is it and what is the reaction?

I don't know if this is literally every time, but I definitely cried the first several times I heard Leningrad by Billy Joel. Something about the message of universality made through such specific imagery, and maybe the fact that I could concretely connect the historical events he describes in that song to my parents... but it totally hit me, in this very visceral way. I think because it seemed so sad and real the way that we cut ourselves off from each other according to the political/national "enemies" that we are supposed to have... and actually kill for that... but the differences we die for are not as real as the similarities. I'm not sure that says what I want it to say, but the song is really something. I can think of very few songs that have ever made me cry, even ones I care a lot about, or I think are very beautiful. In fact, that might be the only one that actually did, as opposed to just choking me up or something.

I want to say "Six Apologies, Lord," by Olena Kalytiak Davis because I just worked real hard to find it, but I'm not sure it makes quite such a strong impression on me this time around. It's still a really wonderful and fascinating poem, though, so here you go:


I Have Loved My Horrible Self, Lord.
I Rose, Lord, And I Rose, Lord, And I,
Dropt. Your Requirements, Lord. 'Spite Your Requirements, Lord,
I Have Loved The Low Voltage Of The Moon, Lord,
Until There Was No Moon Intensity Left, Lord, No Moon Intensity Left
For You, Lord. I Have Loved The Frivolous, The Fleeting, The Frightful
Clouds. Lord, I Have Loved Clouds! Do Not Forgive Me, Do Not
Forgive Me LordandLover, HarborandMaster, GuardianandBread, Do Not.
Hold Me, Lord, O, Hold Me

Accountable, Lord. I Am
Accountable. Lord.

Lord It Over Me,
Lord It Over Me, Lord. Feed Me

Hope, Lord. Feed Me
Hope, Lord, Or Break My Teeth.

Break My Teeth, Sir,

In This My Mouth.

Well, after reading it over a few times, it seems to still have a strong pull for me, so good. In that vein, the "Batter my heart, three-personed God," sonnet of John Donne's is always impactful. I think I always love the combination of somewhat helpless faith and defiance and submission... in a way. Reminds me of this homily I just heard where the priest compared everyone to sheep or goats. And I was like, um, I'm definitely a goat, but that doesn't mean I don't believe in God... I really didn't care for him.

Mmm, and jumping back to music, the Moonlight Sonata always takes me on a journey through mystery, darkness, and hope... such beautiful, meaningful sounds.

I'm going on and on here, aren't I? But I'm not ready to stop. Let me add: The Winter Prince by Elizabeth Wein, because it is always incredibly beautiful and captivating to me, and in a way that apparently is particular to me, which I think is interesting.

And finally, for visual art... that one in the Philadelphia art museum with the soldiers all photographed rather grotesquely always shocks/fascinates me. Likewise the one where you have to look through a little peephole in the wooden gate. And that picture of the two girls... I never remember the name or anything, but Rachel will...