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You have a 86% chance of surviving a T-Rex Attack You have a very good chance of surviving a T-Rex attack. You are very smart and know how to survive in the wild. You would be first in line if there was ever a real Jurassic Park. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Cain On a Fucking Stick.

Really Long Survey (over 200)
What is your name?:	Rebecca Lynne Just Realized Maybe I Shouldn't Put My Full Name in My Blog
Are you named after anyone?:	No... Sort of my mother, I guess, because she's Linda. Sort of my father because he's Just Realized Maybe I Shouldn't Put My Full Name in My Blog? *chuckles*
What's your screename?:	BeckyF342
Would you name a child of yours after you?:	Probably not directly, or as a first name.
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?:	According to my preferences? Peter, since it is my confirmation name. According to what my mom and dad planned? I think Andrew or Nathan. I like Andrew better, I think.
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?:	Jesus Christ.
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?:	Not constantly. Once I was Rebecca Fawn in a mailing.
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?:	No! I would sound silly.
Basics
Your gender::	Female
Straight/Gay/Bi::	Basically straight, but since I just had a whole revelation about how the entire system of sexual labeling is in fact a service to the patriarchy, I feel compelled to object.
Single?:	Multiple! But not dating, if that's what you mean.
If not, do you want to be?:	But I am.
Birthdate::	4/20/82. Not 3/20/82.
Your age::	23
Age you act::	God, I don't know.
Age you wish you were::	God, I don't know.
Your height::	5'2"
Eye color::	Dark brown.
Happy with it?:	Ecstatic.
Hair color::	Dark brown.
Happy with it?:	Desperately un, but my religion forbids hair dye
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous::	Righty. If that really requires an y.
Your living arrangement::	I don't believe in an arranged life.
Your family::	What about it? I love them; they're crazy?
Have any pets?:	No living ones.
Whats your job?:	Finding missing apostrophes all over the internet and pointing it out.
Piercings?:	Ears.
Tattoos?:	Ears.
Obsessions?:	Ears.
Addictions?:	Ears.
Do you speak another language?:	Spanish.
Have a favorite quote?:	START WEARING PURPLE FOR ME NOW!
Do you have a webpage?:	Where you are if you're reading this, and www.uncutpages.org
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?:	Of course. I just keep forgetting.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?:	Never.
Do you have any secrets?:	I always have secrets.
Do you hate yourself?:	That's an awfully dramatic way of putting it. Let's just say mildly detest.
Do you like your handwriting?:	That's an awfully dramatic way of putting it.
Do you have any bad habits?:	Never.
What is the compliment you get from most people?:	You are the most intelligent and stunning person I have ever met. Please come to bed with me at once, and afterwards talk about all things in life.
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?:	Deep Thoughts about Life and You in it
What's your biggest fear?:	Hippodick. Wait, I thought it said favorite swear word, but that will do.
Can you sing?:	Never.
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?:	Not JUST to look cool. Also to gain prestige and sexual partners.
Are you a loner?:	In fact, I am alone now.
What are your #1 priorities in life?:	Ears.
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?:	Not JUST to look cool. Also to gain prestige and sexual partners.
Are you a daredevil?:	Not JUST to look cool... ok, I'll stop.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?:	You mean the whole demonic possession thing? I've basically accepted it.
Are you passive or agressive?:	Best of both worlds!
Do you have a journal?:	I have.
What is your greatest strength and weakness?:	Profound. Are they in fact always the same? In any case, ears.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?:	Sexier ears.
Do you think you are emotionally strong?:	In fact, I have a psyche of steel.
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?:	Yes. Both, at the same time.
Do you think life has been good so far?:	No life is good except your father in heaven. Wait, doesn't work.
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?:	Take care of your ears, and they will not fall off due to frostbite.
What do you like the most about your body?:	Elbows.
And least?:	Belly button.
Do you think you are good looking?:	You should see my fucking elbows.
Are you confident?:	With these elbows?
What is the fictional character you are most like?:	A sort of combination of Jay Gatsby, Boo Radley, and Catherine Earnshaw. Duh.
Are you perceived wrongly?:	Not JUST to look cool. Also to gain prestige and sexual partners. Sorry, I lied before.
Do You...
Smoke?:	When burning with passion.
Do drugs?:	Why is it "do" drugs?
Read the newspaper?:	When burning with passion.
Pray?:	When burning with extra passion.
Go to church?:	Why is it "go" to church?
Talk to strangers who IM you?:	And lie outrageously. I know... you wouldn't think I had it in me.
Sleep with stuffed animals?:	It's better than drinking alone.
Take walks in the rain?:	It's better than drinking alone.
Talk to people even though you hate them?:	I do hate people, and therefore I eshew verbal communication whenever possible.
Drive?:	I like to think I have drive.
Like to drive fast?:	Well, the one time I tried it, it was fun.
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?:	Never, and therefore I eshew verbal communication whenever possible.
Hurt yourself?:	When burning with passion. The burning, mostly.
Been out of the country?:	Never been in it.
Eaten something that made other people sick?:	Yes. I have carefully built up a tolerance to all known poisons. It was a grand state dinner last fall.
Been in love?:	Is that the opposite of the country?
Done drugs?:	Let's not get redundant, here.
Gone skinny dipping?:	Not JUST to look cool... hehe, you know the rest.
Had a medical emergency?:	In fact, I am currently having a medical emergency. Never mix burning and arsenic.
Had surgery?:	NEVER mix burning and arsenic. NEVER.
Ran away from home?:	Walked. Slowly. If you run, they will shoot.
Played strip poker?:	I won, too.
Gotten beaten up?:	Sex with Klingons is like that.
Beaten someone up?:	Sex with Klingons is like that.
Been picked on?:	Sex with Klingons is like that.
Been on stage?:	You've been talking to Charlotte, haven't you. DON'T believe her. I HATE PLAYS!
Slept outdoors?:	In a blizzard. Luckily, I was having sex with a Klingon at the time. #1 for body heat production.
Thought about suicide?:	Sex with Klingons is like that.
Pulled an all nighter?:	And it pulled back.
If yes, what is your record?:	The Original Cast Recording of Brigadoon.
Gone one day without food?:	It's better than sex with Klingons. And drinking alone.
Talked on the phone all night?:	Talked to the phone all night. I was very lonely.
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?:	Impossible.
Slept all day?:	Impossible.
Killed someone?:	That would be one of those secrets. Let's just say I am no stranger to the mark of Cain.
Made out with a stranger?:	Made off with a stranger.
Had sex with a stranger?:	You think I have a lot of Klingon buddies, or something?
Thought you're going crazy?:	I've heard that only sane people think they are going crazy, because crazy people believe they are sane. Yet I persist in thinking that I am going crazy. Which may be proof.
Kissed the same sex?:	I'm not sure I've kissed sex at all.
Done anything sexual with the same sex?:	You didn't think I meant a male Klingon, did you? At least not the first time.
Been betrayed?:	One doesn't carefully build up a tolerance to all known poisons for one's health, does one? That didn't come out right. Yes.
Had a dream that came true?:	In an abstract Kinder Egg way.
Broken the law?:	Shattered it, and walked barefoot over the pieces.
Met a famous person?:	Let's just say I am no stranger to the mark of Cain.
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?:	Not by accident.
On purpose?:	Oh, I got ahead of myself there.
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?:	Not by accident.
Stolen anything?:	Only livers. Wait--hearts--was thinking in Chinese again.
Been on radio/tv?:	Radiotv is my favorite place to be.
Been in a mosh-pit?:	Sex with Klingons is like that.
Had a nervous breakdown?:	Have you been reading this carefully?
Bungee jumped?:	By accident.
Had a dream that kept coming back?:	Let's just say I am no stranger to the mark of Cain.
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?:	Hello! Klingons.
Miracles?:	After observing the perfection of ears... how could I not believe?
Astrology?:	Does Astrology mean Star-Words? 'Cause that would be hot.
Magic?:	I'm an alchemist.
God?:	I have seen the perfection of ears... how could I not believe?
Satan?:	Then again, it never hurts to hedge your bets.
Santa?:	Does it sound like I had the sort of home life that would facilitate such a belief?
Ghosts?:	Let's just say I am no stranger to the mark of Banquo.
Luck?:	No.
Love at first sight?:	No.
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?:	No. And yes.
Witches?:	They were persecuted.
Easter bunny?:	Great ears.
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?:	Let's just say I am no stranger to the mark of Hester Prynne.
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?:	Absolutely.
Do you wish on stars?:	I have never been on a star.
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?:	No, I have a telescope and I intend to use it.
Do you think God has a gender?:	Many.
Do you believe in organized religion?:	Many.
Where do you think we go when we die?:	Limbo. Limbo. Life without life.
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?:	You're really NOT paying attention, are you? Isn't half the survey about Cain?
Who is your best friend?:	I talked all night to a telephone. I don't really have a lot of friends.
Who's the one person that knows most about you?:	George W. Bush.
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?:	The thing about burning and arsenic from before.
Your favourite inside joke?:	The thing about burning and arsenic from before.
Thing you're picked on most about?:	The thing about burning and arsenic from before.
Who's your longest known friend?:	See above re. demonic possession.
Newest?:	The telephone.
Shyest?:	You.
Funniest?:	Karl Rove.
Sweetest?:	Death.
Closest?:	See above re. demonic possession
Weirdest?:	The guy who got me started on the whole poison thing.
Smartest?:	The guy who got me started on the whole poison thing.
Ditziest?:	Probably the Klingons.
Friends you miss being close to the most?:	My GOD, I'm SORRY already about this whole killing business.
Last person you talked to online?:	Rachel.
Who do you talk to most online?:	The spirit of Napolean Bonaparte. Fascinating conversationalist, but can't spell.
Who are you on the phone with most?:	Haven't we been over this?
Who do you trust most?:	Trust no one.
Who listens to your problems?:	The goddamn fucking telephone.
Who do you fight most with?:	Sex with Klingons is like that.
Who's the nicest?:	Nice isn't really high on my list.
Who's the most outgoing?:	Death! Really knows how to work a room.
Who's the best singer?:	Napolean Bonaparte. Self-proclaimed, since obviously I have never heard him.
Who's on your shit-list?:	Am I going to write that in a public forum?
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?:	Not just thought.
Who's your second family?:	I think I'm starting to lose brain function.
Do you always feel understood?:	Always.
Who's the loudest friend?:	Oh, absolutely the Klingons.
Do you trust others easily?:	Yes. Can you hear my snide tone of voice through my typing fingers?
Who's house were you last at?:	My own.
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in::	NOT Klingons!
Do your friends know you?:	In fact, we've never met.
Friend that lives farthest away::	Oh, absolutely the Klingons.
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?:	Always.
What do you find romantic?:	Ears.
Turn-on?:	Ears.
Turn-off?:	Having to sing or talk.
First kiss?:	No thanks.
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?:	Like I've been reduced to a meaningless vowel.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going:	Going. God, please, going.
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out:	Night and day.
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv:	Night and day.
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?:	Night and day.
What is best about the opposite sex?:	Ears.
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?:	Feet.
What's the last present someone gave you?:	Ears and feet. It gave me this strange feeling of trembly and sadomasochistic pleasure.
Are you in love?:	That would be telling.
Do you consider your significant other hot?:	What did I say about burning and arsenic?
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?:	Did you read what I said about ghosts? And Cain?
You wanted to kill?:	Did you read what I said about ghosts? And Cain?
That you laughed at?:	The Klingons. Bad idea.
That laughed at you?:	Rachel. A lot.
That turned you on?:	The Klingons. Bad idea.
You went shopping with?:	The Klingons. Bad idea.
That broke your heart?:	In fact, I have a heart of steel.
To disappoint you?:	This survey writer in the love section with all the bad grammar.
To ask you out?:	The Klingons. Bad idea.
To make you cry?:	In fact, I've been sobbing for the last twenty minutes of this damn thing.
To brighten up your day?:	Codename "Cain." Doesn't that suck?
That you thought about?:	Obviously, for everyone, it would be the person in the previous question.
You saw a movie with?:	My ex-siamese twin, Edgar.
You talked to on the phone?:	We've been over this.
You talked to through IM/ICQ?:	Bekah.
You saw?:	I've been staring at my neighbor across the street for three successive mornings now.
You lost?:	STOP IT!
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?:	No, I'm sitting here.
Will it be with your significant other?:	No.
Or some random person?:	Yes.
What are you wearing right now?:	No.
Body part you're touching right now::	Heh. Ears. You caught me.
What are you worried about right now?:	That this agony will never end. In a literal as well as a figurative sense.
What book are you reading?:	Wizard's Holiday
What's on your mousepad?:	I use actual mouse skin. Do you think that's creepy?
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling::	No, I won't, you fellator. (Ironically, these were also you-know-who's last words)
Are you bored?:	I take the 5th.
Are you tired?:	Never.
Are you talking to anyone online?:	Yes.
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?:	Leave me the fuck alone about the phone already.
Are you lonely or content?:	Both.
Are you listening to music?:	Both.
Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

Uh-oh, I found a survey website!

This one has questions starting with every letter of the alphabet. I will try to restrict myself to such interesting ones.

[the alphabet survey]
Act your age:	Ridiculous and basically without meaning.
Born on what day of the week:	Tuesday-- full of grace, me.
Chore you hate:	Dishes and laundry and... oh, everything.
Dad's name:	Patrick Henry Fullan, Jr.
Essentail make-up item:	None. Essentail? Perhaps some ribbons, if one is a show horse.
Favorite actors/actresses:	So many... Geoffery Rush, Alan Rickman, Jude Law (yes, for the beauty alone), Matt Damon a lot of the time, Emma Thompson, Susan Saradon, Kate Winslet.. this list is random...
Gold or sliver:	Gold (or Silver and Gold like Yukon Cornelius)
Hometown:	Syracuse, NY
Instruments you play:	Played the flute, but I haven't in years.
Job title:	Marketing and Public Relations Assistant
Kids:	Haven't any. Love them, though.
Living arrangements:	I live in a two bedroom apartment with Rachel, who I was about to call my roommate, but that's obvious, isn't it?
Mom's name:	Linda Ann Elizabeth Chiappone Fullan
Number of socks you own:	God, I don't know. Most not in pairs.
Overnight hospital stays:	Stayed for several weeks as soon as I arrived in the world. Other than that... I've made it into the night, but always gone home again.
Phobia:	Severed heads and the severing thereof.
Quote you like:	"And all the wickedness of the world, that man might work or think, is no more to the mercy of God than a live coal in the sea."
Religious affiliation:	Roman Catholic. Isn't affiliation an interesting word?
Siblings:	One, Patrick Chiappone Fullan, born without kidneys when I was three and a half. None that I've known or seen.
Time you woke up today:	Woke up randomly at 7:16 or something, alarm went off at 7:30, got up at 8:20 (oops)
Unusual habits:	None that I've noticed, but then, I wouldn't, would I?
Vicious thing you've done:	I guess I've told people things I knew would really stick them hard.
Worst habit:	Self-criticism, and procrastination as a product thereof.
X-rays you've had:	Teeth many times, stomach area (I think), head and sinus area in Spain.
Your favorite season:	Fall and Spring... moderate temperatures, pretty plant life.
Zodiac sign:	Taurus. Or Ares. I'm on a cusp. Doesn't that sound dramatic?
Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

No Free Night of Theater for Me!

Boooooooooo! The show I was going to go to for the "free night of theater" is in fact sold out, and has been for weeks, despite the fact that it is not listed as sold out on the website. I am very sad. I want a free night of theater, please! Why did I not know about this earlier? Apparently I should check the Philly Fun Guide at all times.

Sorry, this post is a random and uninteresting expression of my disappointment, and nothing more. I'll try to improve things later on.

In Light of the Grad School Issue, Something to Consider?

American Cities That Best Fit You:

70% New York City

65% Boston

65% Washington, DC

60% Philadelphia

55% Atlanta

I Wasn't Trying!

Ok, Todd should totally call me so I can stop adding these pointless quizzes to my blog and go home... but....

Your Inner European is Spanish!

Energetic and lively. You bring the party with you!

Who's Your Inner European?

A Bit Random, Considering that it Comes From Comparing People to Saltine Crackers and Meat Snacks... but ok...

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Katie is your soulmate.

You truly love Lilah.

You consider Chelsea your true friend.

You know that Maddie is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Rachel for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Julia is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Kirstin is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Bekah is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Bekah changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Elizabeth is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Elizabeth has a hidden internet romance.

That's Nice...

Jude Law: you like them romantic and British with
beauiful green eyes.


Which guy are you destined to have sex with?
brought to you by Quizilla

Despite the womanizing and reputed sex addiction, he's lovely... right, Tom?

That's Tom Ripley, not Tom Abrams, though obviously anyone named Tom can answer the question if he feels inclined.

On Graduate School and the Research Process Thereof

It's been such a long time since I said anything here. I realized that, while I may not have hoards of readers, nonetheless they may grow bored with continued silence and seek other forms of entertainment.

That, and I sort of want to bitch about grad school.

Grad school is weird. I don't understand it. I feel a little slighted because I am not receiving the volumes of mail I did for undergrad, but beyond that, it is simply difficult for me to sort through the many, many programs that exist without something physical to look at, read over, and judge from. I don't know if I'm doing this for the right reasons, but to be honest I feel rather trapped. I certainly don't want to wake up ten years from now and find that I've climbed some sort of theater management ladder and am doing more of the same in a more high-powered way. Which, when I put it that way, doesn't sound too horrible. But it's not what I want... If school is weird, offices are ten times weirder. I find myself saying my new job (Marketing and Public Relations Assistant) with pride because I think it's a cool title and because I expect that people will be impressed, not because I think it's a fantastic thing to do. So, it's clear that continuing a long time on this path is not for me.

Of course, arguably this whole Merriam thing is just my day job, and nobody's day job is her passion, right? Arguably, I have Uncut Pages to fuel me and satiate my creative appetite. Another tricky question... because no one else in Uncut Pages is, in fact, solely working a day job and biding time until the next project. Which means I must either cut my strings and go it alone, or twiddle my thumbs while everyone else engages in stimulating activities. The question of what I would do if that were not the case looms large, but I truly don't know how to answer it. If everyone else in the group was totally gung ho about working as they needed to keep body and soul together, but otherwise devoting the majority of free time and energy to Uncut Pages, would that be enough for me, too? Not that I'm expecting or truly wanting anyone to do that... but would I be satisfied then without school in my life? Sometimes it seems that way... and it's easy to get caught up in confusion and the illusion that others can control the way I live my life. If they would just answer their surveys, I would know what to do... right? And the idea of losing the enterprise, of letting it drift slowly to an end before it's really begun... well, it fills me with a painful sort of panic, and I'm not even entirely sure where it's coming from. Perhaps I feel that this is my last chance to create my great adventure. But, if it comes right down to that, there's something in me that says I would still want to do this, even if Uncut Pages full time was a totally viable option. I hope that something is right and true. It seems very important to me. I'm quite afraid that I'm going to school as a sort of "everyone else is doing it/better than the other options" measure. And that seems... wrong. It seems like, if that is really the case, then I should not go. But not going... feels wrong, too.

When I first left college, I felt a sort of compulsive desire to return to school. Partially because school was familiar and I knew what to expect. After all, the vast majority of my life has been spent in school. At that time, just a few months after leaving, it felt extremely urgent. I needed to be studying, reading scholastic things, doing research, etc. Yet somehow I didn't need it enough to apply, not then anyway. Now it feels less urgent, somehow. I've seen that it's perfectly possible to survive without school, and have an interesting (and in some ways more relaxed!) time. I still think, I still read, I still have exciting ideas. But this time, maybe because it is less necessary, I am taking more concrete steps toward application. In the form of serious sustained research of schools, and signing up for the bitch of an English subject GRE. As stupid, insane, uneccessary, stiltified, prejuicidal, gratuitously expensive, and plain ridiculous as the thing is, I am in some ways clinging to the fact that I've registered and to my preparations for it... because it's concrete and clear, and it is something I have accomplished and can continue to accomplish in definite ways. You would think the applications might feel that way too... but in truth the applications just feel scary as hell.

Ok. Time to break it down a bit. Why do I want to go to grad school and in what? Last year, I was really gung-ho about the Comp Lit, despite the fact that I do not have a third language, let alone a fourth as many schools require. I felt that Comp Lit was my home, I understood it, I was fucking good at it, it narrowed the list of schools a bit, and, most importantly, I could continue to float around in interdisciplinary land; I could retain my precious transgressive flexibility. Maud's email on the subject confused me (in positive and negative ways) to the point where I stopped looking at schools for almost a year. Well, to be fair, I'm sure it was not entirely Maud's email that did this, but let's use it as a talking point. Maud said she did not recommend grad school in comp lit, because it was difficult, the resources were scattered, and you came out less employable. Also, I was not yet qualified for "any comp lit program worth its salt," because I do not have a second foreign language... whereas, in an English program, my Spanish would serve as a powerful asset. She suggested doing English or "something else altogether," like this gender studies thing her friend was running. I feel like I should have taken into consideration the fact that Maud did her degree some time ago at an institution I was not really considering, but in the long run... I basically took it on faith, abandoned (though not immediately) my Comp Lit search, and began to look at the English programs at schools she recommened for me-- Harvard, Yale, Duke, Princeton, UCLA, UVA... all completely big-shot, top of the top sorts of places... the other part that floored me. She seemed to take it for granted that I was qualified for such schools, that such schools would be the natural places for me to consider continuing my education. I hadn't quite grasped that...that my undergraduate education and performance has, in fact, made me more attractive academically than I was when applying to college. It makes sense... it just hadn't quite occured to me. So it took me awhile to deal with that. And now... well, I'm excited. :) I want to be the best. I just hope these schools are actually, also, the best for me. I hope I end up doing this, all of it, for the right reasons.

And there are so many reasons... I want to be cool, I want people to talk about me and say, wow, she's going to ______, I knew she was smart, but I didn't know she was that smart. I want to be the first one in my family to get a PhD. I want to show my parents, and my uncles, and my cousins, and my teachers, and my friends... and my not-friends... that I, in fact, am the smartest bitch they're likely to know, and that is enough to excuse all the awkward moments, all the lack of boyfriends or a driver's license, the derth of knowledge on feminine arts of beauty... because there was always something greater in me, because I am, perhaps, an excuseable genius. Hmm. It's not them I want to show, really, is it? It's me. I have these problems with myself and I have this need to enhance my own opinion. And that's there. That's totally there, right beside my applications and my study book and my number two pencils (which I don't have yet but should buy before the exam). If I can't be the absolute 100% best, I at least have to show that I'm as good as anybody else out there. All right, so... let's not call it a bad reason, per se, let's just say it's an unachievable one. As long as that frosty drive is inside of me, it will never, never, never be satisfied. I could graduate from all of those institutions at the same time, and it would say that there was something left undone.

Writing that paragraph left me very nervous. Autumn cleaning? I hope so.

So... as of now, the list stands at Harvard (both for English, which boasts an impressive list of names and less exciting courses and for their Divinity School, which I stumbled on by chance, and which is so impractical and so enchanting--Amy Hollywood from my thesis, and tons of classes I want to take. Also Lilah.), Duke (for English. The friendliest, most complete and helpful website ever, and apparently they're very highly ranked for gender studies within the English field. And the classes sound wonderful.), Cornell (for MFA in Creative Writing leading into PhD in English--nifty little program, also very close to Syracuse-home. I think I found a couple of classes I like), NYU (for Comparative Lit, I think, one of the first programs I looked at, and the last Comp Lit holdout... it's beautifully funded, I like the organization of the program, and I promised Charlotte), Yale (for English, mostly because Rachel's into it... like Harvard, lovely professors, less exciting class descriptions. Also, in earlier years for some reason I always liked the idea of Yale better than Harvard, so it seems odd to just apply to the latter.) Not a bad list, you say, and it isn't. It just feels so... random. I'm entertaining a casual flirtation with Drew University, too, and I still want to look up Chicago, and Princeton one last time, because I remember being so impressed with them as an undergrad. Might want to take a gander at the D.C. options too, just because I still would love to get a chance to live and work there. I feel like a safety school or two wouldn't hurt, either. And there was that program in Madrid.... Any input would be lovely.

I was supposed to decide by today, and email my potential recommenders. I know I have to, but the idea of it is so nervewracking. But I can't let it get much later. I don't want this to slip by me again.

What is it I need? Is it patience and faith, that it will all work out somehow? Or perhaps a more decisive and dilligent approach? I try to remind myself that college was once this uncertain, and I agonized over my choices. I only hope something like Bryn Mawr, or the Bryn Mawr-esque experience (in terms of personal fit and importance) emerges now.

I feel like there is endlessly more to say, but this has gone on long enough, and should be posted. More on this and other topics soon, especially if it continues to be this slow at work.