Because they're beautiful and graceful and I love their outfits. Sexy and amazing yay.
:)
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Eighth Book: The Manticore
And the second book in the Robertson Davies trilogy beginning with Fifth Business. Given my ravings about that volume, you may will guess I enjoyed this one as well, and I certainly did. However, it took some getting used to, as I'd become so used to Dunstan Ramsay as the narrator that it took me some time to get 'round the voice of David Staunton. And it took a long time to like him, too, but not as long as I thought it did.
By which I mean that while I still thought I was quite uncertain about him, I think I was actually already really absorbed in his point of view. As I'm really eager to get on with the third book, I don't think I'll say a lot about it, but I think it's interesting and ironic that now I'm having... not a tough time with the new/old narrator, exactly, but I keep wondering what the heck happened to David. Seeing that it left off a bit precipitously.
As usual, the characters were strong and the writing was unwaveringly excellent. And here is the very very best quote of this (or perhaps any) book for you:
"Toad showed a tendency to shine up to me afterward, when we were having ice-cream and cake at the Ladies' Aid expense, but I was cold. When I have squeezed my orange, I throw it away; that was my attitude at the time."
Robertson Davies, I love you!
By which I mean that while I still thought I was quite uncertain about him, I think I was actually already really absorbed in his point of view. As I'm really eager to get on with the third book, I don't think I'll say a lot about it, but I think it's interesting and ironic that now I'm having... not a tough time with the new/old narrator, exactly, but I keep wondering what the heck happened to David. Seeing that it left off a bit precipitously.
As usual, the characters were strong and the writing was unwaveringly excellent. And here is the very very best quote of this (or perhaps any) book for you:
"Toad showed a tendency to shine up to me afterward, when we were having ice-cream and cake at the Ladies' Aid expense, but I was cold. When I have squeezed my orange, I throw it away; that was my attitude at the time."
Robertson Davies, I love you!
My Constant Comment's Phooey? A Complaint.
Oh, fuck this. Oh, fuck this.
Namely being sick. I'm really really sick of being sick. I know a week isn't huge in the scheme of things, but I've had it up to here with the new and interesting variations on my symptoms that my body puts forth each day. And since 3 out of 4 participants in my life urge me to see a doctor, I figure I should probably see a doctor. Well, I know I should, it's gone on long enough and with a severity that is not normal for my colds. I just don't want to deal with my damned insurance and finding a time when I can actually go, which probably is never, or at least not til next Saturday.
I hate it. I really hate it. OW.
It makes everything more sucky than it would generally be, whether or not it would be sucky on its own. I want someone to carry me to a big feather bed, and stroke my hair and give me mint chocolate chip ice cream that also soothes and heals my throat on contact, and makes me stop coughing and stop hurting inside my head. I want storytelling and singing just for me, and maybe even Vicks VapoRub, or however the heck that's spelled. Most of all, I just want to feel rested and normal and fine again, in a consistent way, or for more than a couple of hours. And cared for and not like a prickly sick creature.
And I feel frustrated and overwhelmed and sort of colorless, but for all I know that's another symptom of this sickness thing. It certainly relates. And I'm lonely, and all the bits of my ears and mouth and throat and nose hurt, and ARGH.
Soon I will have another book post and that will be much pleasanter, for I am enjoying the book. But for now.... GRRRRRRRRRRRR. :( Love me and give me pleasant friendly things, says sick Becky. Even though I'm growling. Hold up my end of the conversation until I can talk normally again.
Hehe-- I could end with a song, too.
This is all very neat... this is all very smart! This had better be a goodbye, illness, this had better end in the blink of an eye! Don't feel responsible, after all, we're through. I'm not responsible! Hate me or need me, just make sure you feed me... This had better be a goodbye, illness, why, illness, try, illness, bend... This had better come to a, this this this this, this had better come to an end! This had better come to an end.
I don't know if that's quite right anymore, but in the real thing "illness" is mostly "Marvin." Anyway, trust Falsettos to make me feel a bit better. Except why do I have to go to the bathroom again? And why is my toilet stopped up?
Stupid stupid stupid boo. Thank you for listening to this message of disgruntlement. Goodnight.
Namely being sick. I'm really really sick of being sick. I know a week isn't huge in the scheme of things, but I've had it up to here with the new and interesting variations on my symptoms that my body puts forth each day. And since 3 out of 4 participants in my life urge me to see a doctor, I figure I should probably see a doctor. Well, I know I should, it's gone on long enough and with a severity that is not normal for my colds. I just don't want to deal with my damned insurance and finding a time when I can actually go, which probably is never, or at least not til next Saturday.
I hate it. I really hate it. OW.
It makes everything more sucky than it would generally be, whether or not it would be sucky on its own. I want someone to carry me to a big feather bed, and stroke my hair and give me mint chocolate chip ice cream that also soothes and heals my throat on contact, and makes me stop coughing and stop hurting inside my head. I want storytelling and singing just for me, and maybe even Vicks VapoRub, or however the heck that's spelled. Most of all, I just want to feel rested and normal and fine again, in a consistent way, or for more than a couple of hours. And cared for and not like a prickly sick creature.
And I feel frustrated and overwhelmed and sort of colorless, but for all I know that's another symptom of this sickness thing. It certainly relates. And I'm lonely, and all the bits of my ears and mouth and throat and nose hurt, and ARGH.
Soon I will have another book post and that will be much pleasanter, for I am enjoying the book. But for now.... GRRRRRRRRRRRR. :( Love me and give me pleasant friendly things, says sick Becky. Even though I'm growling. Hold up my end of the conversation until I can talk normally again.
Hehe-- I could end with a song, too.
This is all very neat... this is all very smart! This had better be a goodbye, illness, this had better end in the blink of an eye! Don't feel responsible, after all, we're through. I'm not responsible! Hate me or need me, just make sure you feed me... This had better be a goodbye, illness, why, illness, try, illness, bend... This had better come to a, this this this this, this had better come to an end! This had better come to an end.
I don't know if that's quite right anymore, but in the real thing "illness" is mostly "Marvin." Anyway, trust Falsettos to make me feel a bit better. Except why do I have to go to the bathroom again? And why is my toilet stopped up?
Stupid stupid stupid boo. Thank you for listening to this message of disgruntlement. Goodnight.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Seventh Book: Radical Acceptance
This book, found by my mother and written by Tara Brach, Ph.D., is very gentle and practical. I think she has a way of putting revolutionary things so that they seem very self evident. Or maybe she just has a way of revealing the self-evidentness of things that seem revolutionary. I really want to try her meditation practices, they seem very useful. I also wonder if I shouldn't endeavor to learn more about Vipassana meditation, this being the second time it's come up in the recent past. Instead of going on and on about this book, I want to give you a few quotes:
My beloved child,
Break your heart no longer.
Each time you judge yourself you break your own heart.
You stop feeding on the love which is the wellspring of your vitality.
The time has come, your time
To live, to celebrate and to see the goodness that you are...
Let no one, no thing, no idea or ideal obstruct you
If one comes, even in the name of "Truth" forgive it for its unknowing
Do not fight.
Let go.
And breathe--into the goodness that you are.
--Bapuji
Enough. These few words are enough.
If not these words, this breath.
If not this breath, this sitting here.
This opening to the life
we have refused
again and again
until now.
Until now.
--David Whyte
Here's a tough one, from my friend Rumi:
This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness
comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!...
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
--Rumi
And one last one I really like:
"Seeing pure awareness without engaging lovingly in our life is a daydream. Living in this relative world without vision is a nightmare."
--Japanese Proverb
Now there's something true.
My beloved child,
Break your heart no longer.
Each time you judge yourself you break your own heart.
You stop feeding on the love which is the wellspring of your vitality.
The time has come, your time
To live, to celebrate and to see the goodness that you are...
Let no one, no thing, no idea or ideal obstruct you
If one comes, even in the name of "Truth" forgive it for its unknowing
Do not fight.
Let go.
And breathe--into the goodness that you are.
--Bapuji
Enough. These few words are enough.
If not these words, this breath.
If not this breath, this sitting here.
This opening to the life
we have refused
again and again
until now.
Until now.
--David Whyte
Here's a tough one, from my friend Rumi:
This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness
comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!...
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
--Rumi
And one last one I really like:
"Seeing pure awareness without engaging lovingly in our life is a daydream. Living in this relative world without vision is a nightmare."
--Japanese Proverb
Now there's something true.
An Old-Fashioned Journal Type Post, or Sickness and Then Some
Well, I know y'all are getting sick of surveys and quizzes and whatnot... or maybe you prefer those, in which case hang on and I'll get back to that eventually. But I've had a weird couple of days, and a weird day today in particular, and I thought I'd write it down and see what I thought about it then.
The most pressing matter is that I've been sick. It started Sunday night (como siempre!) with a sore throat, but then I woke up sometime in the night freezing, just completely freezing, and with wildly aching legs. So I got up and took some medicine, and put on three pairs of pants and three sweatshirts, turned the heat up, and huddled under two blankets until I finally fell asleep.
Monday morning, as you might expect, was not the most fun time ever. I was feeling really determined to go to work, though, because we have a show this week, so I dragged myself there. But I was really spaced out the whole time, and really did next to nothing. Todd even came into my office and said to stay home on Tuesday if I felt horrible. So... I did. Even though Tuesday is opening night and I really wanted to be there. I decided I would sleep awhile and try to go in for the afternoon. I did; in fact, I rode the bus all the way there, and then felt so yucky and disoriented that I turned around and came right back. That was hard for me. I realized I feel inordinately insecure about my work. I never think I'm doing enough/a good enough job, and therefore I feel called upon to make up for it by extending myself whenever I get the opportunity to do so. It's really strange... I mean, a strange feeling. I think I became more aware of it because I was reading this book my mom got me called Radical Acceptance (book post to follow! :) ), which is basically about using Buddhist principles and meditation practices to open yourself to awareness and acceptance of everything you feel. So I was more conscious of what is going on beneath the surface, and I realized I just have this frantic feeling about work sometimes, like I'm going to be caught as a not-good employee and thrown out. Kind of like the feeling I used to have as a student, in fact. Or the feeling I sometimes have in my personal relationships, even, that if people know/understand such and such about me, or see that I feel this or that, they won't like me anymore. I also tend to think that sickness somehow says something bad about me... maybe because there have been times when I welcomed it so that I could rest. I think it's also because my mom used to get mad at me when I was sick, because she was frustrated at not being able to "fix" me.
It was fascinating, in this book, when the author talked about how all the feelings we hate about ourselves, all the petty things and the weird things and the jealousy (spelling?) and anger, aren't signs that we're spiritually deficient or missing the boat or something. It was a new idea for me to regard feelings in general as not "belonging to" or "becoming" me, but rather something experiential that I move through. Of course, then there's the whole "I" thing, the whole not having a self thing, which I have heard plenty of times, but I'm not sure I get it. Does it relate to the times when I have been looking at something, a very ordinary thing like my hands or whatever, and suddenly my perspective shifts, and there's a voice saying, "I'm alive," and it both is and isn't me? It used to happen to me fairly often as a child... less so now, but maybe different things happen now.
Anyway, so this morning as I was debating whether or not to get out of bed and go to work this morning, there was a moment of clarity when I realized there really was no right or wrong decision. It may sound simple, but it took a lot for me to see that! Or, it didn't really, it just happened. But it hadn't really happened in this matter before. So, I decided to stay home, and it felt very kind, to me. A kind thing to do for myself. I went back to sleep, and was awakened close to noon by a phone call from my dad.
I had been reminded yesterday of the CDs I made for him for his birthday, and called to ask if he'd gotten them, and he called to say he had, and he really liked them. And also to tell me that my grandma (his mom, will be 90 April 15th) is now in a nursing home and has dementia, and that my aunt Lisa (his sister, substantially younger than he, adopted from Korea) has had an operation on her spine for some kind of tumors. He also said that my aunt Susan (also adopted from Korea, and, I think, the youngest) is handling everything well, meeting with lawyers and everything. She's been taking care of my grandmother this whole time, in fact. It's amazing, because it would be for most people, I guess, but also because Susan is mentally ill. Also, his older brother Richard (12 years older, in fact) is having some trouble with his sciatic nerve. But apparently other than that he's ok.
And then he asked me if I wanted a laptop for grad school, which I think is incredibly generous of him. And then he had to get off the phone and get ready for work. (He works evenings, as a nurse's aide, and his floor is mostly patients with dementia.) So he did.
I feel confused about all of this information. I did actually hear a brief outline of it from my mom on the answering machine, before, but I just got all the details. I don't know what to think. I haven't really been close to my grandma in years, though I liked her very much as a child. I feel guilty that I didn't make more of an effort to stay close to her. And I wish I had more time to get her stories. I know she was an actress and a storyteller, like me. I know my father was very ambivalent about her, probably still is. He got the impression from her that a man was a bad thing to be, and that's a rather hard thing to put aside. And my aunt Lisa was always my favorite. When I was a child, she seemed like a dazzling personage. And last summer she was very kind to me when I needed a place to stay in NY. And this summer she came to see my play. But she seemed... different. Distractable. Ill. Old. On the phone, her voice sounded like my grandma's, actually.
Memories about each of them:
Grandma: She promised one year to take me to Wendy's for my birthday, but for some reason she couldn't. But for years she remembered that she owed me a trip to Wendy's. She got on well with my other grandma, and they did a big puzzle of the Smithsonian Christmas tree together. She sent me a tape about boxes tied with silver ribbon, and not dying with the music still in you. I often did not know how I was supposed to relate with her. She got me a beautiful nativity when I was small, piece by piece. She seemed to care a lot about making herself available to me, if I needed help or anything. I wondered if she was remembering her own life as a young woman, but I don't know. She came up for my graduations, from high school and college.
Aunt Lisa: She seemed like the coolest person ever. When we went down to Florida for my grandpa's funeral, she gave me an anklet. I treasured it and kept it on until it broke. She always wanted me to visit her in NYC by myself, but my mom said no. She was sort of wild and had boyfriends and was thin and pretty. She sent me pictures from Italy. I like her boyfriend now, Martin, and I hope he does well with all of this. She seemed less and less shiny every time I saw her, lately, but always kind to me.
Uncle Richard: He was sort of a little scary, and said things that hurt my feelings, like calling me slowpoke and laughing when I was nervous about the cows in the meadow, but I knew he liked me. He used to come up every year for the Fair, and I liked that. He would always get a shirt, and that's why I started to get them, too. He was big, and he would pick me up and say, "I know you. I know you." At the time I knew it was supposed to be special but I didn't know why. But the best story about Uncle Richard was how we went to Disney World together, and he was late coming out of the Mickey section, and we were waiting for him in the little train, and he came out all breathless and said that Mickey had called him back, and asked about me, and given him Mickey Mouse ears to give to me. That was the best. I felt so special.
Aunt Susan: I was a bit nervous around her for a long time, but very curious once I realized she was sick. She is a great artist, I mean truly excellent, but she hasn't done art in a long time. She grins and laughs and talks to herself, and engages in odd behavior around the house, but apparently she can keep it together in front of strangers. Once, they tried to have her in an institution and she escaped and walked home! It was a long way, too. She always calls me "Beck." Her Korean name was Rosanhi. I thought that was just beautiful and fascinating as a child, and I named a doll I had after her. I still think it's beautiful.
Well, that's all for now. That side of my family hasn't been very close for awhile, really. So, if you pray, say some prayers for the Fullans, and if not, just wish us all well.
The most pressing matter is that I've been sick. It started Sunday night (como siempre!) with a sore throat, but then I woke up sometime in the night freezing, just completely freezing, and with wildly aching legs. So I got up and took some medicine, and put on three pairs of pants and three sweatshirts, turned the heat up, and huddled under two blankets until I finally fell asleep.
Monday morning, as you might expect, was not the most fun time ever. I was feeling really determined to go to work, though, because we have a show this week, so I dragged myself there. But I was really spaced out the whole time, and really did next to nothing. Todd even came into my office and said to stay home on Tuesday if I felt horrible. So... I did. Even though Tuesday is opening night and I really wanted to be there. I decided I would sleep awhile and try to go in for the afternoon. I did; in fact, I rode the bus all the way there, and then felt so yucky and disoriented that I turned around and came right back. That was hard for me. I realized I feel inordinately insecure about my work. I never think I'm doing enough/a good enough job, and therefore I feel called upon to make up for it by extending myself whenever I get the opportunity to do so. It's really strange... I mean, a strange feeling. I think I became more aware of it because I was reading this book my mom got me called Radical Acceptance (book post to follow! :) ), which is basically about using Buddhist principles and meditation practices to open yourself to awareness and acceptance of everything you feel. So I was more conscious of what is going on beneath the surface, and I realized I just have this frantic feeling about work sometimes, like I'm going to be caught as a not-good employee and thrown out. Kind of like the feeling I used to have as a student, in fact. Or the feeling I sometimes have in my personal relationships, even, that if people know/understand such and such about me, or see that I feel this or that, they won't like me anymore. I also tend to think that sickness somehow says something bad about me... maybe because there have been times when I welcomed it so that I could rest. I think it's also because my mom used to get mad at me when I was sick, because she was frustrated at not being able to "fix" me.
It was fascinating, in this book, when the author talked about how all the feelings we hate about ourselves, all the petty things and the weird things and the jealousy (spelling?) and anger, aren't signs that we're spiritually deficient or missing the boat or something. It was a new idea for me to regard feelings in general as not "belonging to" or "becoming" me, but rather something experiential that I move through. Of course, then there's the whole "I" thing, the whole not having a self thing, which I have heard plenty of times, but I'm not sure I get it. Does it relate to the times when I have been looking at something, a very ordinary thing like my hands or whatever, and suddenly my perspective shifts, and there's a voice saying, "I'm alive," and it both is and isn't me? It used to happen to me fairly often as a child... less so now, but maybe different things happen now.
Anyway, so this morning as I was debating whether or not to get out of bed and go to work this morning, there was a moment of clarity when I realized there really was no right or wrong decision. It may sound simple, but it took a lot for me to see that! Or, it didn't really, it just happened. But it hadn't really happened in this matter before. So, I decided to stay home, and it felt very kind, to me. A kind thing to do for myself. I went back to sleep, and was awakened close to noon by a phone call from my dad.
I had been reminded yesterday of the CDs I made for him for his birthday, and called to ask if he'd gotten them, and he called to say he had, and he really liked them. And also to tell me that my grandma (his mom, will be 90 April 15th) is now in a nursing home and has dementia, and that my aunt Lisa (his sister, substantially younger than he, adopted from Korea) has had an operation on her spine for some kind of tumors. He also said that my aunt Susan (also adopted from Korea, and, I think, the youngest) is handling everything well, meeting with lawyers and everything. She's been taking care of my grandmother this whole time, in fact. It's amazing, because it would be for most people, I guess, but also because Susan is mentally ill. Also, his older brother Richard (12 years older, in fact) is having some trouble with his sciatic nerve. But apparently other than that he's ok.
And then he asked me if I wanted a laptop for grad school, which I think is incredibly generous of him. And then he had to get off the phone and get ready for work. (He works evenings, as a nurse's aide, and his floor is mostly patients with dementia.) So he did.
I feel confused about all of this information. I did actually hear a brief outline of it from my mom on the answering machine, before, but I just got all the details. I don't know what to think. I haven't really been close to my grandma in years, though I liked her very much as a child. I feel guilty that I didn't make more of an effort to stay close to her. And I wish I had more time to get her stories. I know she was an actress and a storyteller, like me. I know my father was very ambivalent about her, probably still is. He got the impression from her that a man was a bad thing to be, and that's a rather hard thing to put aside. And my aunt Lisa was always my favorite. When I was a child, she seemed like a dazzling personage. And last summer she was very kind to me when I needed a place to stay in NY. And this summer she came to see my play. But she seemed... different. Distractable. Ill. Old. On the phone, her voice sounded like my grandma's, actually.
Memories about each of them:
Grandma: She promised one year to take me to Wendy's for my birthday, but for some reason she couldn't. But for years she remembered that she owed me a trip to Wendy's. She got on well with my other grandma, and they did a big puzzle of the Smithsonian Christmas tree together. She sent me a tape about boxes tied with silver ribbon, and not dying with the music still in you. I often did not know how I was supposed to relate with her. She got me a beautiful nativity when I was small, piece by piece. She seemed to care a lot about making herself available to me, if I needed help or anything. I wondered if she was remembering her own life as a young woman, but I don't know. She came up for my graduations, from high school and college.
Aunt Lisa: She seemed like the coolest person ever. When we went down to Florida for my grandpa's funeral, she gave me an anklet. I treasured it and kept it on until it broke. She always wanted me to visit her in NYC by myself, but my mom said no. She was sort of wild and had boyfriends and was thin and pretty. She sent me pictures from Italy. I like her boyfriend now, Martin, and I hope he does well with all of this. She seemed less and less shiny every time I saw her, lately, but always kind to me.
Uncle Richard: He was sort of a little scary, and said things that hurt my feelings, like calling me slowpoke and laughing when I was nervous about the cows in the meadow, but I knew he liked me. He used to come up every year for the Fair, and I liked that. He would always get a shirt, and that's why I started to get them, too. He was big, and he would pick me up and say, "I know you. I know you." At the time I knew it was supposed to be special but I didn't know why. But the best story about Uncle Richard was how we went to Disney World together, and he was late coming out of the Mickey section, and we were waiting for him in the little train, and he came out all breathless and said that Mickey had called him back, and asked about me, and given him Mickey Mouse ears to give to me. That was the best. I felt so special.
Aunt Susan: I was a bit nervous around her for a long time, but very curious once I realized she was sick. She is a great artist, I mean truly excellent, but she hasn't done art in a long time. She grins and laughs and talks to herself, and engages in odd behavior around the house, but apparently she can keep it together in front of strangers. Once, they tried to have her in an institution and she escaped and walked home! It was a long way, too. She always calls me "Beck." Her Korean name was Rosanhi. I thought that was just beautiful and fascinating as a child, and I named a doll I had after her. I still think it's beautiful.
Well, that's all for now. That side of my family hasn't been very close for awhile, really. So, if you pray, say some prayers for the Fullans, and if not, just wish us all well.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Word Association for a Sick Day
| word association. (165 words) | |
| word association. | |
| You: | rock |
| person: | people |
| mouse: | rid |
| head: | heart |
| hard: | soft |
| star: | shine |
| Crime: | death |
| knife: | stab |
| cat: | mouse |
| Vision: | see |
| radio: | star |
| Zip: | code |
| Alphabet: | written |
| Oral: | exam |
| santa: | claus |
| number: | one! |
| light: | bulb |
| hell: | fire |
| genitals: | touch |
| vacuum: | empty |
| molecule: | one |
| Money: | open |
| blacelet: | bracelet? |
| neck: | cord |
| russain: | dressing |
| japan: | island |
| odour: | smell |
| internal: | organ |
| document: | paper |
| men: | mendosa |
| monster: | rar |
| dream: | float |
| negative: | no |
| half: | baked |
| function: | math |
| typo: | wrong |
| wonderful: | counselor |
| foreign: | other |
| lynx: | zoo |
| lodge: | cabin |
| salmon: | pink |
| amber: | flow |
| fire: | burn |
| Utah: | state |
| Canada: | up |
| Braces: | teeth |
| Metal: | shine |
| Rubber: | band |
| Elasticity: | pull |
| Zodiac: | symbol |
| order: | rifle |
| court: | order |
| tampon: | insert |
| french: | orange |
| toxicity: | fumes |
| bitch: | nasty |
| sandpaper: | rough |
| palm: | tree |
| pod: | split |
| pester: | bug |
| hex: | curse |
| formeldehyde: | taste |
| corrosion: | rust |
| stamina: | push |
| Length: | measure |
| london: | tall |
| lactose: | milk |
| sugar: | sweet |
| tolerance: | low |
| colour: | red |
| Mammoth: | big |
| valid: | feeling |
| love: | bird |
| heart: | song |
| skillet: | pan |
| skittles: | click |
| Aero: | bed |
| floor: | foot |
| bedroom: | door |
| flash: | lightning |
| flat: | tire |
| truck: | purple |
| thief: | night |
| blood: | red |
| story: | book |
| Jack: | beanstalk |
| revolting: | gag |
| pubic: | hair |
| symphony: | music |
| pants: | on |
| inside: | out |
| combustion: | boom |
| steam: | engine |
| sport: | old |
| ping: | pong |
| gold: | leaf |
| gnome: | burrow |
| store: | up |
| finger: | beckon |
| up: | down |
| church: | building |
| faerie: | land |
| brittish: | accent |
| wild boar: | tusks |
| pig: | oink |
| skirt: | short |
| behind: | you |
| boast: | brag |
| shaft: | harm |
| torment: | break |
| merge: | one |
| band: | arm |
| stem: | cell |
| leaf: | vein |
| cell: | membrane |
| red: | rose |
| shallow: | pool |
| ex: | lover |
| step: | son |
| poison: | gas |
| mind: | meld |
| kernel: | corn |
| KFC: | chicken |
| corn: | cob |
| cobweb: | spider |
| widow: | black |
| door: | knob |
| peel: | banana |
| speech: | bubble |
| eyeliner: | black |
| bench: | sit |
| stench: | nose |
| wrench: | pull |
| stitch: | sew |
| forbidden: | barred |
| castle: | wall |
| german: | forest |
| Nine: | lives |
| Morgue: | cold |
| Forgery: | fake |
| sister: | hood |
| Irritant: | eye |
| period: | mark |
| nod: | head |
| egg nogg: | thick |
| new: | old |
| whilst: | why |
| yesterday: | now |
| night: | day |
| lights off: | breath |
| turn on: | touch |
| snack: | food |
| fork: | lift |
| steal: | take |
| steel: | rod |
| rock: | roll |
| tears: | fall |
| sea: | shore |
| harry potter: | cape |
| seal: | me |
| loo: | toilet |
| master: | slave |
| women: | men |
| ALL DONE!: | yes? |
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Monday, February 06, 2006
Play With My Pig (the 100th post!)
Here is a pig. See, Lauren, I remembered! And I'm not embarrassed.
Please play with my little pig.
Please play with my little pig.
| adopt your own virtual pet! |
Sixth Book: The Memory of Running
This one, by Ron McLarty, was lent to Rachel and me by Rachel's parents, both of whom read and loved it. I wondered if it would be good... it was, and engrossing enough that I read it all day, pretty much straight through. It reminded me of She's Come Undone and sometimes John Irving. I was fascinated by the depictions of family, insanity, honesty, and love. I was particularly engaged with Bethany, and the effect she had on her family. It made me think a lot about mental illness--specifically psychosis and schizophrenia-- as more than a defacto condition for certain people, which is the only way I have experienced it in my life. I did wonder why Smithy kept getting beaten up, though.
And I think I'm too tired and sick to say much more about this, except that it's a great read and I recommend it.
And I think I'm too tired and sick to say much more about this, except that it's a great read and I recommend it.
The Most Astonishing Description of Me Ever
From a post by a lister apologizing for not recognizing me at an event she invited listers to:
Fast forward. 6:45 p.m., the church hall. People are coming in, and, by
way of giving up a comfort zone, I am extending myself to greet those I
know little or not at all. Suddenly I see a classically beautiful woman,
dressed with the poignant elegance of a young woman of style who is
nevertheless tenderhearted. Her face has a dark Sephardic beauty so
compelling that I have to look away. But I know I have spent several hours
in a group with her very recently; my eyes could not forget that aesthetic
high point. She must be a parishioner, of course. I hastily review my
past and conclude that she must have participated in a "share the graces"
session on Wednesday night as part of a week of prayer the parish sponsored
in January. I met several young women there whom I had not seen before.
Being committed (quite unnecessarily, as it turns out) to giving up looking
good, I asked her name. She said "Becky." I said a few friendly words and
gave a vague smile, hoping to conceal my indecent envy of her invincible
beauty.
!!!! I'm stunned and flattered and a bit embarrassed. I mean, obviously this is overstating things, perhaps for the case of a very nice writing style, but.... just the idea that I could make such an impression is enough to make me grin and blush. Mark should take a few lessons in email description from this (unbelievably) kind lady. On second thought, maybe not. And I probably would trust it less from somebody who was trying to date me. But anyway, uh... wow. If I were to describe my appearance in the ideal universe on my ideal day, I don't think it would come close to this praise. I also don't remember at all what I was wearing.
Well, I'll save this one for a rainy day, even though it could never be quite lived up to in real life! Thank you, lister friend!
Fast forward. 6:45 p.m., the church hall. People are coming in, and, by
way of giving up a comfort zone, I am extending myself to greet those I
know little or not at all. Suddenly I see a classically beautiful woman,
dressed with the poignant elegance of a young woman of style who is
nevertheless tenderhearted. Her face has a dark Sephardic beauty so
compelling that I have to look away. But I know I have spent several hours
in a group with her very recently; my eyes could not forget that aesthetic
high point. She must be a parishioner, of course. I hastily review my
past and conclude that she must have participated in a "share the graces"
session on Wednesday night as part of a week of prayer the parish sponsored
in January. I met several young women there whom I had not seen before.
Being committed (quite unnecessarily, as it turns out) to giving up looking
good, I asked her name. She said "Becky." I said a few friendly words and
gave a vague smile, hoping to conceal my indecent envy of her invincible
beauty.
!!!! I'm stunned and flattered and a bit embarrassed. I mean, obviously this is overstating things, perhaps for the case of a very nice writing style, but.... just the idea that I could make such an impression is enough to make me grin and blush. Mark should take a few lessons in email description from this (unbelievably) kind lady. On second thought, maybe not. And I probably would trust it less from somebody who was trying to date me. But anyway, uh... wow. If I were to describe my appearance in the ideal universe on my ideal day, I don't think it would come close to this praise. I also don't remember at all what I was wearing.
Well, I'll save this one for a rainy day, even though it could never be quite lived up to in real life! Thank you, lister friend!
First Response! Duke has returned!
Wow, this was the last thing I was expecting to find in my inbox right now:
"I am writing to you to give you an update on the status of your application
to the English Department Graduate Program at Duke University. The first
thing you should know is that we (an Admissions Committee of six that
reaches out to the entire Graduate faculty) LOVE your application.
Unfortunately, we do not as of yet have a fellowship to offer you, so we
have done the only thing we can do in the interim. We have asked the
Graduate School to place you on its official "waitlist."
Let me explain a bit further. For the sake of basic democratic equity and
simple decency, the English Department at Duke does not admit anyone to its
Ph.D. Program without "full funding." This year we received 436
applications for a very few places, which means we are required to proceed
very carefully. But the limitation placed on us does not translate in any
way to our being "luke warm" on you--in fact, we would be delighted to have
you join us should that come to pass, and we apologize for making you wait.
One more thing, which involves formal procedures here at Duke. If our
request to place you on the Graduate School waitlist is approved, you will
automatically receive an email from the Graduate School. The Graduate
School's notification email is a legal document standardized across all
departments, and it is, for that reason, a bit formal, even cold. Sorry
about that!
In the meantime, please accept our congratulations on the great strength of
your file, and let's stay in contact. I will call soon, but don't hesitate
to email or call us first:"
What to think of this?? Is it good? Is it bad? Is it good and bad? I feel excited and disappointed and pleased and jittery. I guess it's good to know that if I do eventually get in I'll be fully funded...
I'm baffled! And nervous! And eager!
"I am writing to you to give you an update on the status of your application
to the English Department Graduate Program at Duke University. The first
thing you should know is that we (an Admissions Committee of six that
reaches out to the entire Graduate faculty) LOVE your application.
Unfortunately, we do not as of yet have a fellowship to offer you, so we
have done the only thing we can do in the interim. We have asked the
Graduate School to place you on its official "waitlist."
Let me explain a bit further. For the sake of basic democratic equity and
simple decency, the English Department at Duke does not admit anyone to its
Ph.D. Program without "full funding." This year we received 436
applications for a very few places, which means we are required to proceed
very carefully. But the limitation placed on us does not translate in any
way to our being "luke warm" on you--in fact, we would be delighted to have
you join us should that come to pass, and we apologize for making you wait.
One more thing, which involves formal procedures here at Duke. If our
request to place you on the Graduate School waitlist is approved, you will
automatically receive an email from the Graduate School. The Graduate
School's notification email is a legal document standardized across all
departments, and it is, for that reason, a bit formal, even cold. Sorry
about that!
In the meantime, please accept our congratulations on the great strength of
your file, and let's stay in contact. I will call soon, but don't hesitate
to email or call us first:"
What to think of this?? Is it good? Is it bad? Is it good and bad? I feel excited and disappointed and pleased and jittery. I guess it's good to know that if I do eventually get in I'll be fully funded...
I'm baffled! And nervous! And eager!
Friday, February 03, 2006
A Beautiful Picture
I don't know if this is true of me or not... I don't think I'd describe myself as "fragile and delicate," though I like the stuff about strength and weakness. Anyway, I mostly just like the picture a lot.
Paper Lantern
Your inner light is a paper lantern. You are
fragile and delicate and you show people the
utmost respect. But, you lack confidence.
Just because you do not feel strong, doesnt
mean you are weak. Your feelings are your
most powerful weapon.
What's your inner light?
brought to you by Quizilla
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Fifth Book: The Sunbird
Or, why I love Elizabeth Wein.
Well, this is the latest book in the series that started with my beloved The Winter Prince. I had to work to get this one! Her books just disappear, and I don't know why, and it frustrates me so much, because they're so good and deserve to be on the shelf always, unless they have sold out to hoards of excited readers.
It's so discouraging!
But anyway, after checking back several times to see if The Sunbird was out in paperback yet, I placed an advance order. And lo and behold, it came almost at once! This book follows the adventures of Telemakos, Medraut's son, as he tries to prevent his home country, Askum (in what is now Eithiopia) from being destroyed by plague carried by smugglers. It was very, very good and engaging, and full of surprises. I was sucked in and couldn't stop reading. (I'm having very good luck with that lately. :) ) And there was quite a bit with Medraut and Goewin, old friends. Well, let's not dissemble, I'm quite in love with Medraut. And I have to admit that however good the following books are (and they are) nothing can quite rival The Winter Prince for me. It's simply a masterpiece. And I think I am always hoping Medraut will come back and narrate again, even though I understand why he hasn't.
But anyway, to the book at hand. I was definitely very engaged by the intriguing plot and the many fascinating characters, especially people like Sofya who really developed for me for the first time I was also really quite captivated by Telemakos, who is a very immediate and engaging character, and I am really interested in the fact that not only does he remind me of Medraut, his father, and Goewin, his aunt... but also, and strongly, of Lleu. The shadowy role that Lleu plays in this story, especially in the relationships between Medraut and Goewin and Medraut and Telemakos, was as fascinating to me as the exciting plot. It seemed very real, just as the combined inheritance of Telemakos, in terms of what he is like, seemed very real. It does make me have more questions about his mother, Turunesh, though, especially with the revelation at the end of the book (trying not to give anything away!)... I feel like I have a sense of her, but I don't know her well, and I certainly don't know very much about her relationship with Medraut, and only a little more about her relationship with Telemakos... or, maybe it's just that I find it interesting that Telemakos looks so strongly to Goewin and Medraut, but less to his mother. Perhaps in books to come I will learn more about her...
There was one scene that struck a bit of a false note with me, and I don't know why, because I understood all the things happening in the scene, and I agreed with the general emotional result this would produce, and I even was on board with what happened afterwards, but... I think it was the way Goewin fell apart, maybe, or the fact that too many people fell apart... I'm not sure. This is the courtroom scene, again not to give too much away for future readers. Anyway, I'd be curious to talk with these mythical future readers about this as well.
Overall, the book was excellent. And everyone should please buy books by Elizabeth E. Wein, especially The Winter Prince, which apparently is in danger of going out of print again, or perhaps already has. It's worth it. She's a wonderful writer.
Well, this is the latest book in the series that started with my beloved The Winter Prince. I had to work to get this one! Her books just disappear, and I don't know why, and it frustrates me so much, because they're so good and deserve to be on the shelf always, unless they have sold out to hoards of excited readers.
It's so discouraging!
But anyway, after checking back several times to see if The Sunbird was out in paperback yet, I placed an advance order. And lo and behold, it came almost at once! This book follows the adventures of Telemakos, Medraut's son, as he tries to prevent his home country, Askum (in what is now Eithiopia) from being destroyed by plague carried by smugglers. It was very, very good and engaging, and full of surprises. I was sucked in and couldn't stop reading. (I'm having very good luck with that lately. :) ) And there was quite a bit with Medraut and Goewin, old friends. Well, let's not dissemble, I'm quite in love with Medraut. And I have to admit that however good the following books are (and they are) nothing can quite rival The Winter Prince for me. It's simply a masterpiece. And I think I am always hoping Medraut will come back and narrate again, even though I understand why he hasn't.
But anyway, to the book at hand. I was definitely very engaged by the intriguing plot and the many fascinating characters, especially people like Sofya who really developed for me for the first time I was also really quite captivated by Telemakos, who is a very immediate and engaging character, and I am really interested in the fact that not only does he remind me of Medraut, his father, and Goewin, his aunt... but also, and strongly, of Lleu. The shadowy role that Lleu plays in this story, especially in the relationships between Medraut and Goewin and Medraut and Telemakos, was as fascinating to me as the exciting plot. It seemed very real, just as the combined inheritance of Telemakos, in terms of what he is like, seemed very real. It does make me have more questions about his mother, Turunesh, though, especially with the revelation at the end of the book (trying not to give anything away!)... I feel like I have a sense of her, but I don't know her well, and I certainly don't know very much about her relationship with Medraut, and only a little more about her relationship with Telemakos... or, maybe it's just that I find it interesting that Telemakos looks so strongly to Goewin and Medraut, but less to his mother. Perhaps in books to come I will learn more about her...
There was one scene that struck a bit of a false note with me, and I don't know why, because I understood all the things happening in the scene, and I agreed with the general emotional result this would produce, and I even was on board with what happened afterwards, but... I think it was the way Goewin fell apart, maybe, or the fact that too many people fell apart... I'm not sure. This is the courtroom scene, again not to give too much away for future readers. Anyway, I'd be curious to talk with these mythical future readers about this as well.
Overall, the book was excellent. And everyone should please buy books by Elizabeth E. Wein, especially The Winter Prince, which apparently is in danger of going out of print again, or perhaps already has. It's worth it. She's a wonderful writer.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
A Prize!
For Rachel and Katie, winners of that long ago contest. Totally unedited, and may not make any sense if you don't know these characters already. Or at least be unsatisfying. But anyway, no more caveats, here it is. Oh, except one, and I will take other precautions re. this... I'm always really paranoid about posting my work online... it's mine, the characters are mine, I made them up and/or have permission to use them, and so keep your hands off, all you random bitches who are coming around to steal my shit. Ahem. Thank you for putting up with my paranoia.
So, this isn’t how I met him, but this is how I knew I was in love. I didn’t know that I knew at the time, but later, I knew that that was when I would have known, if I’d been paying attention and not just fucking around. And do you know? It was before we ever had sex. Which is good, because if we’d just stumbled into sex I’d have been totally blindsided. Every time he gets an award for his work or some kind of honor or whatever I want to stand up and yell, and the best lay on the whole fucking island. I would say planet, but that might embarrass him a little. And overstate my sluttiness, which, while considerable, does not encompass the entire earth.
God, the sex is so good. One time, before the virus obviously, he had just finished some big deal article for one of those journals with the impossibly long names. And we were fooling around on the floor in the kitchen in his tiny apartment. He’d gone in to get some wine glasses and I followed him, and we ended up knocking over one of the glasses—before we started playing, actually, just, you know, normal slippage, and then we got carried away and I ended up with my legs around his waist and my head pressed against the wall, uncomfortably, staring at the oven. But it was incredibly hot, and I was picking bits of glass out of my back for days.
You know, I’ve said I’m a masochist, but that’s not really true. I just like to be taken care of. Swept off my feet. Sometimes I get that mixed up with pain. It’s a little embarrassing, the whole thing. But whatever, my lover reads romance novels, and he’s a fucking Ph.D. So we’re well matched or something. I’m not entirely comfortable with that side of myself. I just pretend to be. You’ll see that in a lot of maricones like me.
Right, but I was talking about being in love. It was… well, here is where I get confused, maybe our third or fourth date. I mean, the first sure wasn’t anything to make you fall in love, unless you get off on car accidents and hysterical boys. Boy, singular, man I guess, but I was hardly ready to think of myself that way. Besides, boys could be a bit more flitting and fey, and men… men were part of that strange class of creatures who could set your throat pulsing when they moved so carelessly from the locker room to their shiny manly cars, hair and skin all damp with sweat. I wanted to be a sponge, to soak it up and remain blameless. But to name myself as one of them would tip the scales, send me tumbling into some other class of being from which I could never return. I remember sobbing in the shower the day I graduated from high school, because everyone kept calling me young man, saying I was growing into a fine young man, things like that. And I wasn’t.
Boys could be fucked, but men did the fucking. Men did the choosing, boys could wait, and dally, and let things happen to them, let everything pass over them like clouds in a blue sky. You would think I’d have done a lot of pot, given my basic desire for a spacey state of mind, but I was afraid of drugs in high school. Reefer madness and all of that. I could see the red animal with small sharp claws under my skin, and I danced attendance on everything that would keep him at bay. I was afraid of everything, really, and the day I graduated from high school I was breathing in the steam and the soap and the tears until my head pounded and my fifteen year-old sister came into the bathroom without knocking and started to put on her makeup, and said, Jesus fuck in the fucking arsehole, David, you’re such a bloody fucking dishrag, why don’t you mop yourself the fuck up? She was going through an extremely profane phase at the time, which seemed to correspond with her extremely cruel phase, and preceded her extremely loud and yet romantic phase, which was a direct segue into her extremely drunk phase… but I digress.
I guess the point is that once I got out in the world, I realized you could stay a boy for as long as you wanted; there were always men ready to fuck you and ask no questions. And a little part of myself kept floating above it all, a balloon on a string, never quite part of the world of the me who went about interacting with things, just tethered a little by the red animal portion of myself.
Of course, I didn’t think of it that way at the time. I figured I was basically happy. I figured that happiness was like that, interspersed with inexplicable nervousness and uncontrollable tears. You just factored those things out.
On our third (or maybe fourth) date, I decided to take Andrew to a bar. Sort of a bar/club/gay dive, basically. We’d done the movies, and a cute little jazz show, but I was nervous because he hadn’t decided to fuck me yet, and I figured I’d get him buzzed and see what happened. That and I liked to dance. I wasn’t completely an insecure asshole. It was quiet there that night, fewer people than usual on the dance floor, and I was a bit uncomfortable with that. Andrew, for his part, was a bit uncomfortable with the whole scene. I mean, he hid it well. But he was quiet. I don’t know how I knew his bad-quiet from his good-quiet even then, but I did. He wasn’t drinking, either, so I followed suit. It felt very awkward. More so than our other dates, even the initial catastrophe.
After awhile Andrew went to the bathroom, and I waited for him so long I began to think he’d definitely scampered out the window, like people you read about or see in sitcoms, trying to escape their Very Bad Dates, and I was starting to get nervous and even a little mad—I didn’t think I’d done anything that horrible. You’ll think this is ridiculous, I guess, but it was at least ten minutes he was gone. And that was after I’d started to check my watch. I suppose I should have gone in and checked on him, but I kept thinking he’d come out any second and I wouldn’t have to make an ass of myself. So, anyway, finally he appeared, and he had this very strange expression on his face.
The thing about Andrew, I guess, is that he has a tendency to look sort of dreamy. I mean, his hair and eyes are rather soft to begin with, and if you’re not really paying attention, I can see how it would be easy to just sort of conclude, absent-minded professor, you know, and move on from there. But if you do happen to pay attention, you realize that the dreaminess actually comes from this focus that’s just utterly formidable. That he’s taking things in and processing them and giving them back at a level that’s probably well beyond you, no offense. It certainly is beyond me. And sometimes the dreamy fog-curtain of his outside thoughts just kind of peels away, and you’re left with his sharp, unvarnished interest. It’s a bit shocking. Like… lemon, or a deep-pore cleanser. Thank God he’s into religion, you know, and not, I don’t know, something black and white. He has a gentleness that he retains, even when he’s just chewed up whatever your argument was and spat out the bones.
Anyway, my point is, that as he came out of the bathroom and rejoined me at the bar, I saw that not-dreamy, not-veiled face of his for the very first time. It was like… well, I don’t know, I don’t want to get too dramatic. But I wasn’t expecting that kind of light in him. It’s like he had some kind of special hidden radiance he had suddenly let out… I don’t think he knew it. I don’t think he saw it. He seemed troubled when he came over to me, upset.
“Hey,” I said. I smiled, all sideways and crooked. I was trying not to run my hand over his arm to see if I could find the bottom of that glow against his skin.
“Hey. Um. Sorry I took so long. That was weird.” He let out a breath, and smiled back at me, looking nervous. “There was a weird guy in there; he sort of hit on me or something, I don’t really…”
I wasn’t sure what to say about that. Some guy in the bathroom hits on him, and he comes back to me all lit up? It looked not so good for me.
“Oh… was he hot?” I laughed. It sounded like my stupid sister’s laugh. Andrew’s eyes focused on me, looking mildly surprised.
“Sure. Yeah, he was.” Apparently this was the last thing that Andrew had considered. Apparently I was a bizarre, idiotic, horny prick.
“Oh.”
“He was… he seemed to have been sweating. He’d taken his t-shirt off and was wiping his face with it when I came in. It was white, the t-shirt, or it had been once. He was rather tanned.”
I bit my lips to keep from giggling inanely. What was this, some kind of porno set up or what? Maybe handsome, studious Andrew was actually a raging kinkster.
“But he was wearing a scarf,” Andrew continued, oblivious to my squirming. “I mean, like a muffler. A big knit one, made of this fuzzy gray yarn. It seemed completely… out of place. And it was torn, on the end. And he didn’t smell good. I sort of hate that, when people don’t smell good, because you know you should just ignore it, but you don’t. I don’t. I have a lot of trouble with that. Well, anyhow, he was obviously sort of agitated, and I didn’t want to stare at him, or whatever, so I just sort of went over to the urinal and tried to mind my own business. And the next thing I know he puts his hand on my back. I mean, actually on my back, not my ass or something, but still, I was very startled and I sort of whipped around, and he said, sorry.
“He had a really interesting voice. Low and a little rough, but not too rough. He swallowed, and he seemed to be hesitating about something. I was… frightened, but less frightened than I figured I ought to be.”
“Jesus,” I said. “He musta been on drugs.”
“Maybe,” Andrew said, slow and considering. He takes so little for granted. He spread his fingers out on the bar, looked at them, drummed them there.
“Well, what happened?” I said at last.
“He said, ‘Did you lose these?’ and he holds out my glasses that I must’ve lost, I don’t know, two months ago, certainly not here, and one of the lenses is broken and the side is bent, but they’re definitely mine…”
“Let me see,” I demanded, as though I had any idea about his missing glasses.
“Well,” he said, looking embarrassed, “I didn’t take them.”
“What?”
“I said they weren’t mine. I was freaked out, you know? Some weird guy handing me my glasses out of the blue sky in the middle of the washroom? I don’t know if he’s a stalker or some weird homeless prophet or what.”
“Oh.” He looked so nervous at this revelation that I touched his hand. “It’s ok, it does sound pretty fucked up. I bet I wouldn’t have talked to him at all. Unless he was really hot.”
Andrew smiled. “Well, so he tucked the glasses back in his pants pocket and watched me wash my hands, and then he was rooting around in his pocket again and I was really scared he was going to pull out my stuffed duck from when I was a kid, or something, and sort of hoping he would, and I nearly jumped out of my skin when he asked if I minded if he smoked… and I said yes. Which I think startled him, because after all you can smoke everywhere in the bar. But I figure, why ask the question if you won’t take yes for an answer, right?”
I laughed. “Gutsy,” I said.
“He took out a cigarette and passed it between his fingers, but didn’t light up. I would’ve thought he was being challenging, or something, but he just seemed curious. Somehow the smell wasn’t so bad now, either. I dried my hands and figured I should leave, but the whole thing seemed unfinished. I turned to leave anyway. After all, this isn’t a fairy tale, right? So I was heading out of there and I felt him touch my elbow again.
“ ‘You dropped this,’ he said ‘Anyway, I don’t like poetry.’” And he gave me this grimy, folded up piece of paper, and I took it, because I didn’t know what else to do.”
I waited expectantly, but Andrew was looking at the bar again. “Geez, what was on it?”
He looked up at me, with that sudden, unexpected clarity. “I don’t know. I wanted you to read it with me.”
“Why?” I said.
“You know, I don’t know,” he answered, and I figured I could trust him, because he wasn’t just being romantic, he was real and strange and talked to strangers and didn’t like cigarettes and saved things just because. “It just seems like it’s your story too.” And he took my hand and we walked out of the bar right then, really, and I couldn’t stop smiling. We read the paper under a street lamp, and this is what it said:
man like a blade of grass in sunlight
boy are looks ever
deceiving, he’s the moon
man.
he’s the moon man,
after all.
I didn’t get it then, and I don’t get it now, except that it produced such a longing in me, such a stupid longing, maybe it was just waiting to come out, waiting for something incomprehensible it could wrap itself around. And I looked at Andrew and I knew he understood, and we joked about how dumb it was to write incomprehensible poetry. And we made out for awhile and he took me home.
I stayed awake all night, and in the morning I called him and I said I wanted to sleep with him right away. And he didn’t laugh at me, but he made me wait until he went to all three of his graduate seminars.
It was great! Well, probably it was horrible and clumsy, and I thought it was great. But after all, I was in love already.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Fourth Book: Fifth Business
That title is so neat that I must almost surrender my regret at not having read more this month. And I think this is a fitting book to end the month on, too. Fifth Business by Robertson Davies. Absolutely my favorite book of the year so far. It's so good. I can't believe it ended where it did. Katie, please give me more right away.
It came to me in a rather circuitous fashion, as Katie registered it on book crossing, and also said there that she was passing it on to me by way of Rachel. However, Rachel forgot about it, and I did not know that she had done so until I read it in her book crossing information. I was immediately excited. While I don't remember many of the details of the Cornish trilogy of Davies' which Katie and I read freshman year as part of the Arthur class, I do remember the overall feeling of the books, and my sense every time I come across that big volume I have of all three that it is something wonderful. I also remember some weird erotic scene involving jam. I'm sure there's more I have tucked away in my brain related to those books than that, but it sort of jumped out at me just now. Oh, anyway, I was rooting around on Rachel's floor looking for the plug to this very computer, in fact, and in the course of finding it I located the elusive Fifth Business.
Hooray! It is so, so good! Very intelligent without being inaccessible, and very eventful and colorful without being unpleasantly lurid. Robertson Davies is just... great. One of those writers whose so consistently and truly excellent that I just am full of delight and sort of awed hope that someday I could write that way, perhaps... I don't know, but it's a hope.
The characters are so consistently detailed and interesting and great. Dunstable/Dunstan was a very engaging narrator, and all the supporting characters were fascinating and I just loved the cosmology he was building... this sort of practical, psychological mysticism... well, it was fascinating, as I said. And the plot was supremely engaging and great and made me gasp and laugh and occasionally speak aloud to the book. It was so exciting and..surprising, every time I thought I knew where it was going it went somewhere else entirely, without seeming at all ridiculous. I was especially interested in the idea of rebirth, and the whole fifth business idea, and the way in which his ideas and worldview grew and changed over time. I think in his very narration Dunstable illustrates the points he makes about how we do and don't change from childhood to adulthood and so on. I think I will need to read it again sometime, actually, because there are ideas and plot points I would like to revisit at another time.
But now the president is about to give his state of the union, so perhaps I should cut this short. There are some quotes I want to put in, and other things to discuss, but I'll either make another post or add to this one later.
It came to me in a rather circuitous fashion, as Katie registered it on book crossing, and also said there that she was passing it on to me by way of Rachel. However, Rachel forgot about it, and I did not know that she had done so until I read it in her book crossing information. I was immediately excited. While I don't remember many of the details of the Cornish trilogy of Davies' which Katie and I read freshman year as part of the Arthur class, I do remember the overall feeling of the books, and my sense every time I come across that big volume I have of all three that it is something wonderful. I also remember some weird erotic scene involving jam. I'm sure there's more I have tucked away in my brain related to those books than that, but it sort of jumped out at me just now. Oh, anyway, I was rooting around on Rachel's floor looking for the plug to this very computer, in fact, and in the course of finding it I located the elusive Fifth Business.
Hooray! It is so, so good! Very intelligent without being inaccessible, and very eventful and colorful without being unpleasantly lurid. Robertson Davies is just... great. One of those writers whose so consistently and truly excellent that I just am full of delight and sort of awed hope that someday I could write that way, perhaps... I don't know, but it's a hope.
The characters are so consistently detailed and interesting and great. Dunstable/Dunstan was a very engaging narrator, and all the supporting characters were fascinating and I just loved the cosmology he was building... this sort of practical, psychological mysticism... well, it was fascinating, as I said. And the plot was supremely engaging and great and made me gasp and laugh and occasionally speak aloud to the book. It was so exciting and..surprising, every time I thought I knew where it was going it went somewhere else entirely, without seeming at all ridiculous. I was especially interested in the idea of rebirth, and the whole fifth business idea, and the way in which his ideas and worldview grew and changed over time. I think in his very narration Dunstable illustrates the points he makes about how we do and don't change from childhood to adulthood and so on. I think I will need to read it again sometime, actually, because there are ideas and plot points I would like to revisit at another time.
But now the president is about to give his state of the union, so perhaps I should cut this short. There are some quotes I want to put in, and other things to discuss, but I'll either make another post or add to this one later.
'Ware the Bovine Intruders!
| Cow Dodger You scored 100 Cow Dodger! |
Congratulations. You dodged the cow. However the fight will continue between man & cow. Never let your guard down and never let youself be taking in by their devilishly striking good looks. |
 |
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The Rampaging Cow Test written by Dirty_Hamster on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test |
Julia Has Decided Unwittingly to be my Procrastination Enabler
All right, folks, this one's for me, since the questions look different than others I've done. We'll see if that holds.
1. Where were you when the ball dropped for 2006?
Beauty Bar! NYC... Me too, so I'll stick with Julia's answer. See relevant journal entry for details.
2. How did you get the idea for your livejournal name?
Well, Becky just came to me in a flash of wild inspiration, but if we're talking about the "transubstantiatedchicken" part, see my second post ever (I think). Just a bit of clever and tongue in cheek, yet based-on-a-true-story piety.
3. What time were you born?
I think it was around 6 AM, but I never remember.
4. What song are you playing now, or wish you were playing?
For some reason, exactly as I looked at this question, Age of Aquarius popped into my head. Who am I to argue with fate? Except I would.
5. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?
I don't know. I guess that's a no? But I feel like there were some that affected me rather strongly.
6. What color underwear are you wearing?
Julia said: "but about 2 hours ago i had purple cheetah spots ;-)" I find this interesting, because I have purple cheetah spots right now.
7. Do you want a baby?
I... think so. But I'm never sure. Though yesterday at the Y there was this cute child and I was like, wow, that would be great, to have a kid. And then today I was fantasizing about being a foster mom, but that was more a response to hearing about some horrible things in the system of foster care and feeling helpless. Though it has crossed my mind before.
8. What did you do this morning?
Got up way too early-- in the sense of not wanting to do it, not in the sense of having tons of time to get ready, and came to work, where I do... work, and also things like this.
9. What does your dad do for a living?
He's a nurse's aide in a nursing home.
10. What ended your last relationship(s)?
I've never had a "relationship" the way this question is asking... I'll second Julia's answer, although Mark definitely is tenaciously pursuing a relationship, and I'm not sure what to do about that. Other than that, I've had a few fairly intense crushes, some ending with a whimper and some with a bang. Sort of.
11. Do you have a date for Valentines?
Katie said she'd be my date, though I don't know what we're doing, and it's probably in the middle of the week.
12. What are the last 2 digits of your phone number?
45
13. What was the last concert you attended?
Was it Gogol Bordello? I guess so!
14. Who was with you? at the sweet concert?
Charlotte and Maddie and Rachel and Alex... that was it, right?
15. What was the last movie you watched?
A snippet of The Silver Chair.
16. Who do you dislike at the moment?
No one that I know personally in any kind of intense way. I'm on an even keel right now. Or maybe I just can't think of them at this current time.
17. What food do you crave right now?
I sort of really want a hot dog for lunch, even though I'm trying not to eat the cheap unhealthy stuff anymore.
18. Did you dream last night?
I think so, but I don't recall specifics.
19. What was the last TV show you watched?
Lost, I think.
20. What is your favorite piece of jewelry?
Probably my Bryn Mawr ring. I'm also very enamored of my two new necklaces.
21. What was the last thing you ate?
A cookie that said what girl scouting is all about.
22. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex?
Probably Nathaniel. :) I've been out of touch with the opposite sex for awhile, but he's still a wonderful friend.
23. Write a song lyric that's in your head?
"He takes off her dress now... I just can't look, it's killing me..." It played on my clock radio this morning and it sort of keeps cycling through my head at random intervals.
24. Are you on any meds?
Yes, good old prevacid.
25. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
I often start off on one side and end up on the other. But I guess the far side gets more use, over all.
26. What shirt are you wearing?
Good old zoo shirt and good less old stripey sweater. I just realized that the zoo shirt is what I wore when I took the plane to Spain junior year, and the stripey sweater was a staple of my wardrobe there, by which I mean I wore it several times a week.
27. What is your favorite frozen treat?
ICE CREAM! Preferably Breyer's mint chocolate chip, but almost any ice cream is wonderful and desired.
28. How many tattoos/piercings do you have?
Standard ear piercings, just once.
29. What's your favorite store?
This I have answered 25,000 times.
30. Are you thirsty right now?
A bit, but not as much as I have been lately.
31. Can you imagine yourself ever getting married?
Sometimes, it seems like a great idea. Sometimes not. So I guess we'll see.
32. Who's someone you haven't seen in a while and miss?
Dannah. Roz. Bekah. Liz. Gee, there are lots, really.
33. What did you do last night?
Watched a bit of The Silver Chair, talked to Bekah and Lilah on the phone, and Julia and Maddie online, and did not really do my financial stuff at all...
34. Do you care what people think about you?
Certainly.
35. Have you ever done something to instigate trouble?
Trouble like mischief? Yes.
36. What song(s) do you think ex's listen to and think of you?
Do you know, I don't really know in general what songs make people think of me.
37. What song(s) do you listen to and think of ex's?
If you mean the person(s) with whom I had the displeasure of a breakup without the pleasure of dating... well, you know, it's sort of unclear, actually. Now that I set up that whole interesting linguistic thing... I'll have to think about it.
38. What is one thing you wish you were better at?
Only one? Perhaps taking romantic risks (even in terms of approaching strangers) when I really want to.
39. What hurts you?
Knives.
40. Do you like the person who posted this last?
Not really, I'm just using her for sex. Hmmm. Perhaps I'd better think about this deal, in fact, because it seems to me I'm not getting my fair share of the bargain. ;) Oh, ok, yes, you caught me, I like her!
1. Where were you when the ball dropped for 2006?
Beauty Bar! NYC... Me too, so I'll stick with Julia's answer. See relevant journal entry for details.
2. How did you get the idea for your livejournal name?
Well, Becky just came to me in a flash of wild inspiration, but if we're talking about the "transubstantiatedchicken" part, see my second post ever (I think). Just a bit of clever and tongue in cheek, yet based-on-a-true-story piety.
3. What time were you born?
I think it was around 6 AM, but I never remember.
4. What song are you playing now, or wish you were playing?
For some reason, exactly as I looked at this question, Age of Aquarius popped into my head. Who am I to argue with fate? Except I would.
5. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?
I don't know. I guess that's a no? But I feel like there were some that affected me rather strongly.
6. What color underwear are you wearing?
Julia said: "but about 2 hours ago i had purple cheetah spots ;-)" I find this interesting, because I have purple cheetah spots right now.
7. Do you want a baby?
I... think so. But I'm never sure. Though yesterday at the Y there was this cute child and I was like, wow, that would be great, to have a kid. And then today I was fantasizing about being a foster mom, but that was more a response to hearing about some horrible things in the system of foster care and feeling helpless. Though it has crossed my mind before.
8. What did you do this morning?
Got up way too early-- in the sense of not wanting to do it, not in the sense of having tons of time to get ready, and came to work, where I do... work, and also things like this.
9. What does your dad do for a living?
He's a nurse's aide in a nursing home.
10. What ended your last relationship(s)?
I've never had a "relationship" the way this question is asking... I'll second Julia's answer, although Mark definitely is tenaciously pursuing a relationship, and I'm not sure what to do about that. Other than that, I've had a few fairly intense crushes, some ending with a whimper and some with a bang. Sort of.
11. Do you have a date for Valentines?
Katie said she'd be my date, though I don't know what we're doing, and it's probably in the middle of the week.
12. What are the last 2 digits of your phone number?
45
13. What was the last concert you attended?
Was it Gogol Bordello? I guess so!
14. Who was with you? at the sweet concert?
Charlotte and Maddie and Rachel and Alex... that was it, right?
15. What was the last movie you watched?
A snippet of The Silver Chair.
16. Who do you dislike at the moment?
No one that I know personally in any kind of intense way. I'm on an even keel right now. Or maybe I just can't think of them at this current time.
17. What food do you crave right now?
I sort of really want a hot dog for lunch, even though I'm trying not to eat the cheap unhealthy stuff anymore.
18. Did you dream last night?
I think so, but I don't recall specifics.
19. What was the last TV show you watched?
Lost, I think.
20. What is your favorite piece of jewelry?
Probably my Bryn Mawr ring. I'm also very enamored of my two new necklaces.
21. What was the last thing you ate?
A cookie that said what girl scouting is all about.
22. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex?
Probably Nathaniel. :) I've been out of touch with the opposite sex for awhile, but he's still a wonderful friend.
23. Write a song lyric that's in your head?
"He takes off her dress now... I just can't look, it's killing me..." It played on my clock radio this morning and it sort of keeps cycling through my head at random intervals.
24. Are you on any meds?
Yes, good old prevacid.
25. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
I often start off on one side and end up on the other. But I guess the far side gets more use, over all.
26. What shirt are you wearing?
Good old zoo shirt and good less old stripey sweater. I just realized that the zoo shirt is what I wore when I took the plane to Spain junior year, and the stripey sweater was a staple of my wardrobe there, by which I mean I wore it several times a week.
27. What is your favorite frozen treat?
ICE CREAM! Preferably Breyer's mint chocolate chip, but almost any ice cream is wonderful and desired.
28. How many tattoos/piercings do you have?
Standard ear piercings, just once.
29. What's your favorite store?
This I have answered 25,000 times.
30. Are you thirsty right now?
A bit, but not as much as I have been lately.
31. Can you imagine yourself ever getting married?
Sometimes, it seems like a great idea. Sometimes not. So I guess we'll see.
32. Who's someone you haven't seen in a while and miss?
Dannah. Roz. Bekah. Liz. Gee, there are lots, really.
33. What did you do last night?
Watched a bit of The Silver Chair, talked to Bekah and Lilah on the phone, and Julia and Maddie online, and did not really do my financial stuff at all...
34. Do you care what people think about you?
Certainly.
35. Have you ever done something to instigate trouble?
Trouble like mischief? Yes.
36. What song(s) do you think ex's listen to and think of you?
Do you know, I don't really know in general what songs make people think of me.
37. What song(s) do you listen to and think of ex's?
If you mean the person(s) with whom I had the displeasure of a breakup without the pleasure of dating... well, you know, it's sort of unclear, actually. Now that I set up that whole interesting linguistic thing... I'll have to think about it.
38. What is one thing you wish you were better at?
Only one? Perhaps taking romantic risks (even in terms of approaching strangers) when I really want to.
39. What hurts you?
Knives.
40. Do you like the person who posted this last?
Not really, I'm just using her for sex. Hmmm. Perhaps I'd better think about this deal, in fact, because it seems to me I'm not getting my fair share of the bargain. ;) Oh, ok, yes, you caught me, I like her!
Book Fun from Julia
Here are the current top 50 books from www.whatshouldireadnext.com. Bold the books you have read. Italicise the books you might read. Cross out the books you probably won't read. Pass it on.
The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown - I have a strange relationship with this book. I want to read it to see what all the fuss is about, but I'm mad at all the people who are embroiled in discussions of its controversy, as though it is advancing historical facts instead of telling an adventure story based in historical speculation. It's a NOVEL, people. It's not MEANT to be some advancement of a theory of fact. Jesus Christ and His fucking wife, let it alone already. ;)
The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams
The Great Gatsby - F.Scott Fitzgerald
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter 6) - J.K. Rowling
Life of Pi - Yann Martel - Liz and Bekah told me I should, so I think I should.
Animal Farm: A Fairy Story - George Orwell
Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien - I tried reading this when I was young, and I did not really get into it. But I suppose at some point I should. I'll discuss this more later.
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
Lord of the Flies - William Golding - A lot of these are books I feel like I "should" read, but I don't know if I actually will. However, I would feel unintellectual or something not to italicize them.
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
1984 - George Orwell - Sometimes I get these dystopia books mixed up... but no, I remember this one. Big Brother. And some weird furniture.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Book 3) - J.K. Rowling
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez - Yeah, I know, the modern classic of Spanish literature that I haven't read, in Spanish or English. Kind of like the ancient classic of Spanish literature that I haven't read all of in English or at all in Spanish. I guess I should get on that sometime.
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini - I've heard a lot about this lately, but somehow it never includes what it's about.
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold - I started listening to this one as an audio book when Rachel sent me the CDs, but something went wrong with them and I never finished. I should just borrow it from Rachel.
Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut - Aside from a short story I don't recall, I have read no Vonnegut at all.
Angels and Demons - Dan Brown - Another one I should read to sort of catch up with popular culture, or something, but will I?
Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk - Ok, I don't really know if I'll read this one, but I'd be interested to see how it's presented.
Neuromancer - William Gibson - I was going to leave this one off because I haven't heard of it, but then I realized William Gibson is the playwright of Golda's Balcony, our next show. All roads lead to the Merriam.
Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson - I think I took a book by him out of the freebox and never read it, so I'll leave this one out.
The Secret History - Donna Tartt - Don't know what this is.
A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess - Would I be interested in this or would it frustrate me? Only one way to find out.
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte - I had such a strange relationship with this book. I read it about three times over, never actually deciding if I liked it or not, but always sort of mysteriously called back to it.
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley - I remember some of the images really clearly.
American Gods - Neil Gaiman - Read once, thought, eh, it was pretty good. Read again in Spain and fell in love. Sometimes it's all in the timing.
Ender's Game (The Ender Saga) - Orson Scott Card - Many have recommended this one; Morgan, I think, most vehemently.
Snow Crash - Neal Stephenson - Here he is again.
A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving - One of the few books I would call practically perfect. The kind I feel in my chest when I think about, like somebody I love.
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis - Oh, only about 400 times. As any dedicated reader knows, this one shaped my whole cosmological outlook and vocabulary and, well, everything.
Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides - This one I have an active desire to read.
Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell - ?
The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien- I always had a strange relationship with these, since everyone assumed that as an avid reader who liked fantasy, I must have read them, and was shocked when I hadn't. I still haven't, but since I've seen all the movies and, now, bought a $5 book with the whole trilogy in it, I guess one of these days I actually will.
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte - Reacted with more unambiguous pleasure than to her sister's book... even thinking about it now I get a very pleasant feeling, and a memory of excellent writing. But I don't think I've read it so many times as Wuthering Heights, nor that the characters are so present to me, for all that.
Good Omens - Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman - :)
Atonement - Ian McEwan - ?
The Shadow Of The Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon - ?
The Old Man and the Sea - Ernest Hemingway - People often have such virulent reactions to this book. I wonder if I'll like it.
The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood - One of those famous authors I'm uncertain whether I want to dive into, but always feel that someday I should.
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath - Maybe.
Dune - Frank Herbert - Maybe? Apparently I have trouble saying I won't read things I know about, but this one... I've heard it's so odd.
Monday, January 30, 2006
The Best Game Ever OR Why I Should Not Be Allowed to Use the Internet Anymore
took out the Death Star for 
BenedictWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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yearns for 
CalvinOKeefeWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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gives thanks for 
DoctorCrusherWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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is stalking 
HeidiWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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hearts 
CounselorTroiWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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loves 
JerryFalwellWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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is serenading 
DracoWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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EXITS pursued by 
JesusWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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is in love with 
RonWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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is shagging 
MisterSpockWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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dreams about 
TheMightyDucksWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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is in love with 
JemFinchWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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fangirls
TheBabysittersClubWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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is running for President with 
MichaelWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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secretly desires 
JackSparrowWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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is serenading 
WorfWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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has a shrine to WilburWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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yearns for 
MegMurrayWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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EXITS pursued by 
GrumpyBearWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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fought off Reavers for 
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forgot Poland for 
GeordiLaForgeWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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EXITS pursued by 
TheSphinxWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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idolizes 
RhettButlerWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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is serenading 
CaptainBarbossaWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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quacks at ChristineDaaeWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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quacks at CatoWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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wants to shag 
ApolloWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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broods over 
JohnEdwardsWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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smurfs 
DumbledoreWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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wants to do it with JackSparrowWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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would hang for 
CassioWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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is shagging CaptainHookWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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idolizes 
SnoopyWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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would hang for CaptainBarbossaWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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idolizes 
CimoreneWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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writes fic about 
LysanderWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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is stalking 
SamBeckettWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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loves 
RosencrantzAndGuildensternWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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writes sonnets to 
FrankNFurterWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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wants to take it out back with RosencrantzAndGuildensternWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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idolizes GeordiLaForgeWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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fangirls
DickCheneyWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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hearts 
ThePhantomWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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gives thanks for 
ElizabethBennetWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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secretly desires 
DEATHWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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writes fic about GilgameshWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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fought off Reavers for DoctorCrusherWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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forgot Poland for 
HanSoloWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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smooches 
RemusLupinWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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took out the Death Star for 
TheShadowWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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knows DickonWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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runs a fanlisting for 
ScoutFinchWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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has an eye on 
BelleWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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quacks at
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is flirting with 
MarilynMonroeWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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yearns for 
AthenaWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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is running for President with 
LaEsmaraldaWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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idolizes 
MrRogersWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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idolizes 
TheOneRingWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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wants to do it with 
SimonAndGarfunkelWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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wants to do it with ColinCravenWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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wants to take it out back with 
ShadowWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
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would hang for CimoreneWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is stalking 
AlexanderTheGreatWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
idolizes MaryIngallsWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
yearns for 
DaxWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
EXITS pursued by 
PhoebusDeChateaupersWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
idolizes 
JuliusCaesarWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
wants to shag 
CardinalRichelieuWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
dreams about 
ThePlymouthColonyWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
wants to take it out back with 
FriarLaurenceWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is serenading 
IndianaJonesWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
worships 
HuckFinnWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
took out the Death Star for 
SailorMoonWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is running for President with LePetitPrinceWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is flirting with MaryLennoxWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
took out the Death Star for RichardIIIWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
idolizes 
ForrestGumpWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
x 
JoMarchWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
secretly desires 
RingoStarrWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
wants to take it out back with AlexanderTheGreatWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
fangirls
AtalantaWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is running for President with CalvinOKeefeWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
broods over 
CrowleyWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
wants to shag 
LeVarBurtonWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
broods over RosencrantzAndGuildensternWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
has an eye on 
MercutioWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
took out the Death Star for 
FriarTuckWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is sittin' on Capitol Hill with
JaneEyreWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
wants to do it with 
IagoWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
remembers the Snowdens of yesteryear with AthenaWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is running for President with SawyerWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is turning cartwheels for 
PippiLongstockingWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is sittin' on Capitol Hill with OthelloWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
forgot Poland for ColinCravenWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
would hang for LokiWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
wants to shag 
TybaltWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
wants to do it with AchillesWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is running for President with CharlotteWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
would hang for 
BunniculaWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is voting for 
GeorgeWBushWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
yearns for LuciferWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
smooches 
ArchdeaconFrolloWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
remembers the Snowdens of yesteryear with ThePhantomWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
EXITS pursued by 
ABearWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is stalking JudasWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is sittin' on Capitol Hill with AslanWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
loves CatoWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
has an eye on LuciferWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
quacks at
AnneofGreenGablesWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
quacks at LePetitPrinceWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is serenading 
Claire secretly desires 
GollumWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
has an eye on FriarLaurenceWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
knows 
MalvolioWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
has a doll of TybaltWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
writes fic about 
JonStewartWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is flirting with GeorgeWBushWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
writes fic about 
HoratioWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
broods over ElizabethBennetWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
idolizes 
RoverWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
x 
SailorJupiterWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
hearts 
WaldoWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
dreams about VoldemortWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
has a shrine to EveWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
remembers the Snowdens of yesteryear with TheSphinxWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
wants to take it out back with 
RedFraggleWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
broods over BuffyWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
wants to do it with 
MegMarchWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
secretly desires 
ZorroWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
broods over 
RockapellaWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
has an eye on AslanWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
dreams about OthelloWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
pities da foo DaxWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
has a doll of MrRogersWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is shagging 
SirBedevereWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
knows 
TheFonzWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
remembers the Snowdens of yesteryear with BertWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
writes fic about 
MarkAntonyWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is serenading AchillesWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
secretly desires 
MichelangeloWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is serenading JudasWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is voting for AustinPowersWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
remembers the Snowdens of yesteryear with TheWifeOfBathWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
yearns for JemFinchWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
has a shrine to 
AtticusFinchWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
x 
LizzieBordenWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
runs a fanlisting for MalvolioWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
fangirls
CaptainKirkWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is shagging 
HermioneWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
fought off Reavers for CharlieBrownWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
fought off Reavers for 
NefertitiWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is turning cartwheels for ForrestGumpWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
fought off Reavers for 
AgamemnonWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is sittin' on Capitol Hill with
JohnKerryWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is serenading ThePhantomWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is stalking SherlockHolmesWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
EXITS pursued by ScarlettOHaraWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
worships 
InigoMontoyaWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
gives thanks for 
FrodoBagginsWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
hearts BenjaminSiskoWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
idolizes BillNyeWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
fangirls GilgameshWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
yearns for 
SayidWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
has a shrine to MaryPoppinsWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is flirting with BelleWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is stalking JesusWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
fought off Reavers for ABearWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
runs a fanlisting for JudasWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
broods over GeorgeWBushWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is sittin' on Capitol Hill with AchillesWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
forgot Poland for PompeyWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is voting for BillClintonWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
took out the Death Star for 
BatmanWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
smooches ElizabethBennetWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is sittin' on Capitol Hill with JuliusCaesarWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
has an eye on EveWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is serenading JaneEyreWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
writes sonnets to SirGalahadWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
loves IndianaJonesWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
gives thanks for 
SeverusSnapeWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
writes sonnets to 
HamletWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
dreams about DaxWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
writes sonnets to ForrestGumpWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is serenading BillClintonWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is running for President with AtticusFinchWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is running for President with RonWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
worships JaneEyreWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
idolizes LuciferWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
wants to take it out back with JesusWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
secretly desires JuliusCaesarWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
runs a fanlisting for AlexanderTheGreatWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
took out the Death Star for CharlotteWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is serenading LuciferWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
secretly desires LeVarBurtonWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is turning cartwheels for AslanWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is stalking TheShadowWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
yearns for TheWifeOfBathWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
fangirls HuckFinnWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is voting for 
SiriusBlackWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
wants to do it with HannibalWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is flirting with LongJohnSilverWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is serenading 
HerculesWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
wants to take it out back with JudasWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
idolizes 
LeonardoWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
has a doll of 
RaphaelWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
writes fic about JesusWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
would hang for JesusWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
pities da foo RichardIIIWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
remembers the Snowdens of yesteryear with ApolloWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
has a doll of JoMarchWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is stalking HamletWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
fought off Reavers for 
PoseidonWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is serenading LeVarBurtonWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
wants to take it out back with RoderigoWhat's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
wants to shag MisterSpock What's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
is stalking InigoMontoya What's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
broods over Patrokles What's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
wants to take it out back with FriarLaurence What's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
would hang for Voldemort What's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
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